Apologies for the delay in getting some new content up. The last week has been pretty hectic but I have organised some major dating stars willing to be interviewed. I aim to have them up on the site shortly!
In the meantime, I want to answer this question I received as it seems to be quite a common email that I recieve. Matt, I hope this answers your question!
Character: Bruce Wayne
From: Batman Begins
Type: Action Stars
Today, I got a quick question from a reader, asking how he could make the sort of changes I have been writing about on the front page. In his question, he mentions that he is struggling to change as he can’t motivate himself to keep the changes and he runs back to beta behaviour as soon as he gets a setback. He asked me for some quick advice on what he can do to help along the situation.
What do I recommend then?
Find a mentor. There’s no denying that becoming alpha can be a hard slog, depending on where you are starting from. However, there are ways that we can cut some of the learning curve. By finding a mentor you can avoid a lot of the pitfalls, the normal Beta male would fall into.
First off, watch these videos. They show a great example of how mentors can benefit and change people’s lives. OK, but why use Batman? Batman is a great choice because he has two different mentors depending on which side of him, you look at: Batman or Bruce Wayne. For Bruce Wayne, he has Alfred, for Batman, he had Ra’s al Ghul and eventually it became Alfred for both. Both taught different styles of thinking and looking at the world, which helps shape Bruce Wayne throughout the film and become the man he needs to be.
What is a mentor?
OK, so those videos should show you how a mentor can help the development of someone … BUT what IS a mentor – how do I know what to look for? A mentor is someone that
- Is of a skill level and regularly has the sort of experiences that you want to have. They are a person who will teach you to become like them by helping you eliminate weaknesses and develop your strengths, helping you get real life experience too
- Teaches you skills and allows you to experience events that change and develop your life and self-value
- Pushes you out of your comfort zone, to keep learning and developing
- Is there for you with support and compassion when needed. He isn’t afraid to push you hard when needed though. He will listen to your troubles and offer advice where needed but isn’t afraid to give tough-love if needed
- He should not just talk – he should be in a situation you aspire to be in too. Too many people have opinions on everything but have never actually done the thing in real life and thus their opinions hold no merit. Your mentor should have actual experience in whatever it is you are seeking to do too
- There is no age limit for mentors. They tend to be older than you simply because they have normally experienced more as they have lived/worked on the area for longer than you but mentors can be young, old, disabled, gay, straight etc etc. Never discriminate as you never know how someone can change your life!
- A mentor will teach you that failure is OK, if you learn from it and use the knowledge to get better in your chosen quest. He will lead you to situations where you may fail but he will show you how you can always learn something, no matter how bad you fail
How to find a mentor?
To find a mentor, you first need to understand what it is that you want. Understanding is the first step to getting what you want. To figure that out, write down your ideal life. Write out exactly what you want from life. Be specific. Write down what you want to look like, feel like, act like, behave like. Write out as much detail as possible.
Once you have this detailed notes, look at people that you want to become like. Use your notes to find these people. Google search for them, check out website blogs, ask people who they recommend and so on. Find people who have this sort of lifestyle that you want for yourself. Look for evidence that they do though – pictures of them doing it regularly (typically on Facebook or if you see them out in Bars etc) make sure they can do the skills that you want to have.
Once you have a short list of people that you want to learn from,contact them and say that you admire them. Explain that you hope one day to become like them and why you admire them. On the first contact, keep it short and sweet (e.g. 3-5 line email). Never ask for anything straight away as it makes your comments seem hollow if you try and ask for something in return.
Ask them if you can help them in anyway. Comment on their blog posts, or help them with a project. Build a friendship with the potential mentor. Ask them about their day, what hassles they have, if you can help in anyway. Be genuine and authentic. I have found some mentors by simply commenting on how I loved some of their blog articles. You never know what can happen. Genuine feelings can lead to familiarity, which can lead to mentoring which can lead to friendship.
You will typically find that conversations naturally lead to your own development after a while and that people are willing to help you. I always advise helping the other person as much as possible as a priority anyway as it feels great and if a mentor style relationship develops, it is a bonus. Never try to trick people so you can ask for something in return. People hate to feel used.
You can have a mentor for pretty much anything these days. Think outside the box. For example, if you need help with dating, find a guy who gets regular action with ladies but also started in similr situations to you. Look for those who have similar back stories to you. Ignore the guy who has always been good with women and instead, look for the guys who have become really successful with women by being rejected a lot and failing badly. These guys will have dragged themselves up, learnt from the rejection, honed their skills and became better men than the guys who find it easier (easy never = through learning in my experience). Pain is a great teacher – use it to your advantage.
I hope I have shown you the benefits of finding a mentor Matt. Take your time finding the best mentors you can as they can greatly reduce your learning curve and push you out of your comfort zone and into sitautions that may be life-changing. In other words, a mentor will keep pushing you to excel. He will stop you from falling back into old habits. He will hold you accountable for your progress and development, He will be as pushy, helpful, considerate, motivational etc as it needs to help you achieve your goals. Plus, you won’t want to fail as you will be letting don someone else who is investing time in you. We can rationalise failing ourselves, but we hate to fail others – it may just be what you need to make that nevxt level of development you are seeking. Go for it and let me know how you get on!