00:00:00.00 nextlevelguypodcast me i've been i've worked all day and then out hoovering stuff i was helping a friend move a car you name it i've done it today it's it's like i've ticked off a list of the bizarre things to do today but um so we can you can swear you can mention products you can ask for stuff to be removed you're the star i'm just the weird guy asking questions and 00:00:11.35 Sam Eaton this 00:00:16.69 Sam Eaton Yep. 00:00:22.07 nextlevelguypodcast um There's no gotchas. There's no, like, well, that has to be kept in. um if yeah You can mention books. you can mention products. and The last two questions are always, what do you want to people to take from this? And then how can we keep in touch? There'll be plenty opportunities to mention the book, et cetera. 00:00:41.37 nextlevelguypodcast and If there's anything that you want, even if it's couple days down the line, let me know. what We can take it out. um If there's anything that you think... Oh, that'd be cool to use for my own media social media. I give you your video file as well. 00:00:54.42 nextlevelguypodcast So you can use it for your videos, social media. 00:00:54.55 Sam Eaton Nice. 00:00:58.62 nextlevelguypodcast You can do whatever you like with it. 00:00:58.95 Sam Eaton That's so nice. Thank you 00:01:00.50 nextlevelguypodcast um I'm not one of these weirdos that keeps it all. and But thank you so much for coming on. It's an absolute joy. to to you know I'm very inspired and motivated by the book. 00:01:09.86 Sam Eaton my pleasure. Thank 00:01:13.21 nextlevelguypodcast But for those who maybe don't recognize you or maybe don't recognize this new guide to actually living recklessly, how would you describe who you are and why you're becoming a juggernaut on the Internet? 00:01:14.14 Sam Eaton you. 00:01:26.23 Sam Eaton Well, if it makes you feel better, I never wanted to be. I've been fighting against being a voice for mental health my the last 10 years, ah to be truthful. It's like, I know, especially a lot of guys don't like to talk about this stuff. I was one of them for a very long time, which is, I think, why I'm a good person to keep doing this work. 00:01:47.20 Sam Eaton Yeah. because I've had a lot of struggles and a lot of struggles that I kept on the inside and I didn't understand what tools were available to me. i definitely didn't understand how to get help, how to ask for help, any of that stuff. 00:02:01.22 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 00:02:02.49 Sam Eaton And so luckily in the last 10 years, the world is starting to catch up a bit. I really think we're we're more willing to talk about mental health than we were 10 years ago. And I want everyone to have an easier time having a better life than I did. And so I'm just trying to learn, share everything I've learned ah in in ways that are digestible and ways that are easy for people to understand and implement quickly into their own life. 00:02:30.68 nextlevelguypodcast because I'm a massive fan of like concrete action steps and things we can actually do rather than you know talk about it. 00:02:37.27 Sam Eaton Yes. 00:02:38.45 nextlevelguypodcast And that's why I loved your book, you know Yes, You Can Do It. and you know like It's the daily affirmations. it's the It's the inspiration it gives to the person. But what can you remember, like, what was it like when you got to that point where you started feeling it? Were there the red flags? Because I've gone through depression. I've had OCD, intrusive thoughts, and we're raised to be the strong, silent types. 00:03:05.30 nextlevelguypodcast how would How are men almost raised to be bad mental health in that sense? 00:03:14.94 Sam Eaton Yeah, I, at least from my experience, um the the big message was toughen up, right? Like that the overall message when you're in 1012, some of those formative years are don't show weakness, because if you show weakness, you're going to get picked on of the other guys are going to pounce on that. 00:03:22.87 nextlevelguypodcast one 00:03:32.02 Sam Eaton um And then also like, don't show emotion. um because that is also a sign of weakness. And so I think from a very early age, we don't necessarily learn how to express. We don't learn all the different kinds of things that we're feeling. So then we don't know how to get help or even how to really express them. So we we kind of boil so much of our experience down into a couple of things like anger or sadness, you know, we and instead of the 30, 40, 50 emotions that we might feel on a regular basis. For me, I also went through a lot of trauma. 00:04:04.57 Sam Eaton um I had a really tough childhood in a lot of ways. My dad was an alcoholic. And anybody listening who knows what it's like to try to love an addict, it's really challenging. With that, we had a lot of financial troubles. We had cars repossessed. And and so that added a lot of trauma and stress to my childhood. Years I should have been learning how to be a person instead of worrying about, you know, what we were going to eat. So anybody listening who has any sorts of trauma, which is a lot of us, that makes us more susceptible to those things. 00:04:35.09 Sam Eaton And then especially when you add on top of it, okay, now we've been conditioned not to be in touch with what we're feeling, to shove it down, to never let it show, never show weakness. I think that catches up with a lot of guys and it it definitely caught up with me. 00:04:49.46 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah, it's that thing of being the strong, silent type into it. It's been the, you're meant to be the the breeder, the feeder. You're meant to be the breadwinner. You're meant to do it all. And nobody stops and says, what happens if they're struggling? 00:05:03.58 nextlevelguypodcast What happens if they've got a problem? And, you know, you're probably brought up into the thing of... If you don't get good grades, that's it. You're screwed. If you don't do this, you're put, you know, we're taught that if we're not married by kids at this age, we're a failure. If we don't get into a good university, we're a failure. You know, there's so many things and nobody at any point stops and says, are you okay? Are you happy? Are you living a life that, 00:05:29.02 nextlevelguypodcast actually giving you passion or making you happy. And you probably have friends who have addict parents. Did you start absorbing that story, making it like that it was your fault, that you had to be the leader, that you had to take it on? 00:05:45.72 nextlevelguypodcast How did you deal with that at such an early age? 00:05:49.99 Sam Eaton Absolutely. um You know, the funny part is it's when you're going through it, it's all you know, right? You're just kind of in survival mode. You're just trying to make sure everybody else is okay. um 00:06:00.14 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 00:06:00.89 Sam Eaton And on the outside, i was honestly, I was doing pretty well. Like, so my dad left when I was 12. I haven't seen him or had a relationship with him since. But like even then, I had good grades. I was on the basketball team. um It really wasn't until high school that things really started to fall apart for me. For the first time in my life, I couldn't really concentrate or focus. And so now all of that pressure that I felt really went internal. like I was writing on my papers every day about, you know I'm stupid, and I want to die. And um those thoughts got really dark really quick. 00:06:31.83 Sam Eaton What I didn't know is what I was experiencing has a name and it's called depression. It's a very common, about one in five, one in six people will struggle with it. Um, and so on top of all these things I experienced as a kid, there also were physical things going on in my brain that, that made it harder for me to just function as a regular person. 00:06:52.29 Sam Eaton You know, it's one of my biggest life dreams is that we all start talking about mental health and mental illness the same way we talk about physical health and physical illness. I think that will just completely change the game. You know, if somebody has cancer or the flu, we tell them to, get help, to get treatment, to stay home, to take care of themselves. And if somebody says they're struggling with their mental health, almost always they hear cheer up, try harder, stop being so lazy. We don't see it really as the illness that it is. And they they've done scans of the suicidal brain and the different parts of your brain don't light up the way that it should. Your your brain literally is sick. 00:07:28.68 Sam Eaton It's not functioning the way that it should. Um, And so I internalized all that. I went to the shame place. I'm a mistake. I shouldn't have existed. crazy. Right. I went, this is all what's, what's wrong with me instead of, Oh, like what happened to me? 00:07:43.08 Sam Eaton Like that, that caused these things or what even just in my biology, like a lot of members of my family have mental health struggles. These aren't things that I chose, you know, I didn't, I didn't choose to have these thoughts. I didn't choose to feel this way. There are things I can choose to make them better. There are things I can do. 00:07:58.92 Sam Eaton to put the odds in my favor and and and make life go a bit better. um But I was having to work two and three times as hard just to function where where many people just start their day, but, but nobody taught me that. So I didn't, I didn't know. 00:08:12.09 Sam Eaton I just felt, I felt dumb and stupid and just wanted a way out for a lot of it. 00:08:18.10 nextlevelguypodcast Because it's amazing if you look at you now, the the phenomenal things you've done, the success you've done, the help that you give to people. No one would ever imagine you were that way because you are this amazing voice, this person that people gravitate towards. Even just in the couple of minutes we've been speaking, I've been like, he's a lovely guy. you know You're warm and friendly. And it's amazing that story we tell ourselves that we you know that we're not good enough, where that we suck, we're um we're not good we don't deserve happiness and stuff. I mean, I've been in a room filled with people who have grown up with best friends, et cetera, and felt completely alone. 00:08:57.72 nextlevelguypodcast And nobody stops and tri says to you, that thing in your head, that voice, isn't always true. 00:08:58.07 Sam Eaton Absolutely. Mm-hmm. 00:09:04.44 nextlevelguypodcast Like I'll notice now after doing tons of work, if my flat starts getting messy, if I start, you know, I'm staying at home and doing a wee bit more, oh I'm not going to go to that event or, you know, I'll tell myself a story to try to get through it. 00:09:18.33 nextlevelguypodcast What was the things you noticed that were now you noticed as red flags? 00:09:25.17 Sam Eaton A lot of things you just said, absolutely. The keeping things organized is definitely one. Um, isolating is a big one, any sort of change to eating or sleeping habits. Sometimes that's skipping meals. 00:09:37.43 Sam Eaton Sometimes that's eating too much, or sometimes that's sleeping all day, or for some people that's not sleeping, um, very much at all. Um, not enjoying the things you used to enjoy. 00:09:47.47 Sam Eaton The psychology word for that is anhedonia. 00:09:48.25 nextlevelguypodcast Oh, yeah. 00:09:51.47 Sam Eaton But it's a real thing. Your brain actually stops producing as many feel-good chemicals from the things you used to enjoy. So like as if life wasn't hard enough, now your brain's like, you know what, actually, I'm going to make that feel a little bit worse. 00:10:02.31 Sam Eaton You're welcome. But I think Then there was also, yeah, like passive suicidal thoughts, just thoughts of like, I don't want to be here. i want a way out. 00:10:13.14 Sam Eaton Um, they weren't, they weren't active. I wasn't making a plan for a long time, but there was just this low level hum of, I just want out of this life. I don't, I don't want to be here. 00:10:26.39 Sam Eaton And those of us, and I'm sure you can relate to this, we become experts at hiding it just because like we said, when we started this, it's like, hey, these things are hard to spot even in ourselves, right? We can always make an excuse for why we're not trying hard enough, why we're not pushing hard enough, especially in our world of like achieve, achieve, achieve, right? 00:10:44.47 Sam Eaton Turns out those things won't solve your mental health anyway. i can confirm. 00:10:47.76 nextlevelguypodcast Oh. 00:10:48.75 Sam Eaton um But we become experts at hiding it. You know, we make excuses about why we're sleeping so much. Like you just said, we make excuses why we haven't seen our friends in three, four weeks. um So sometimes we don't even really realize it ourselves. 00:11:02.39 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah, I mean, there was a lot of times I would try justify. I'd go, I'm sleeping at lunch because I'm tired. um You know, and and then I suddenly remember getting thoughts of, I'd rather be asleep than a awake. 00:11:13.88 nextlevelguypodcast um Oh, I've had like this the suicidal thoughts as well. 00:11:14.63 Sam Eaton Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 00:11:18.20 nextlevelguypodcast And you can't just say to somebody because they go, oh what's wrong with you? Pull yourself together. Man up. You know, and what have you got to be sad about? And I hated that because... 00:11:30.52 nextlevelguypodcast Yes, were but men are meant to be this like the strong protective types and stuff like that, but we don't have great wars anymore. We don't have the rites of passage that ah former generations would have had. 00:11:43.70 nextlevelguypodcast But we're meant to be we're now suddenly in this society that said, yeah, everybody else can take on these roles. 00:11:44.17 Sam Eaton So, 00:11:51.40 nextlevelguypodcast And we're like, what do we do anymore? And I started going into parties feeling completely alone, thinking, oh, that person's laughing at me. No idea of what they were talking about. 00:12:01.82 nextlevelguypodcast Oh, I'm worthless. I'm crap. Oh, I can't do that. So I started self-sabotaging, not even trying in sports because I didn't want to be put in a spotlight just in case. And I'm sure you've probably noticed a few things similar. 00:12:15.93 nextlevelguypodcast Is that what you've started noticing with guys with the work that you're doing that they've started saying, oh, I didn't realize that was a general thing. I thought that was just a me thing. 00:12:29.88 Sam Eaton Oh, absolutely. 00:12:34.43 Sam Eaton there's a couple things there, but I think the first thing that comes to mind is like what you're describing is exactly why I started Recklessly Alive. And that's that's what I think Recklessly Alive is. There isn't like one blueprint for a perfect life. Right. We're all completely different people. For some people living recklessly alive feels like just having a great place at home and doing a puzzle with people they love. And if that makes them feel most alive, that's great. i love a puzzle. But For some people, that's traveling the world, that's taking big risks, that's going on adventure. 00:13:03.03 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 00:13:04.15 Sam Eaton And when I was at my worst, I had talked to myself out of all of that. And I had made a lot of excuses. You know, oh, I just I was dealt a bad hand is what I would tell myself a lot instead of like, oh, actually, nobody taught me how to lift weights. I didn't have a dad. 00:13:20.22 Sam Eaton growing up. So I didn't know how to fish. I didn't know how to do a lot of these traditional masculine things. um And so I was just behind in some areas. And that that was, again, wasn't my fault. And so instead of sitting at home, feeling sad about myself, beating myself up because I didn't have these things, the way to be more alive was to try them, was to go risk looking stupid, risk not knowing what I was doing, but finding people who are already doing these things. 00:13:48.54 Sam Eaton And taking the risk to try. And i i struck out a lot. It was embarrassing a lot. I mean, in my I ran a marathon in my 20s. I'd never ran a marathon in my life. I was never athletic. um One of these voices in my head that I had from my dad was him at some point in my elementary school years telling me that I ran like a girl. 00:14:06.90 Sam Eaton And so I just stopped running. I quit sports in eighth grade. I i i tried music and other things because I was like, at least I won't get made fun of for trying this. But I actually love moving my body. And it took a long time until I was finally like, well, why? Why aren't you just if this is what you want, if you want to lift weights, if you want to run, 00:14:27.42 Sam Eaton go, go. Nobody's stopping you. Like you got one shot at this. So I did. I finished one marathon. It was terrible. Never again. It's four hours and 40 minutes. Awful. 00:14:38.48 Sam Eaton Don't recommend it. But also changed something in me because it changed my mindset from here's something that was really negative and used to really get me down. You run like a girl, you're too feminine, whatever that voice was. And I said, oh, actually, here's my medal. like It's still hanging on the wall. I could go get it for you now. Like, 00:14:56.86 Sam Eaton who would tell someone that's ran a marathon that they're not athletic or they run like a girl, right? So I think some of the answer to these things that we feel sad about and that we ruminate about is to go for it. And so that's the core of the recklessly alive thing is like, what are those things inside you that you wanna do? Don't go run a marathon because Sam Eaton said so. 00:15:15.70 Sam Eaton like I said, it was terrible. But if there's something in you that wants to try something that you're like, oh, that's cool. Oh, i what if I was a person who did that? you have to lose? 00:15:28.16 nextlevelguypodcast I'm actually remembering the part in the book where you beautifully describe it. It's like a living hell, basically. yeah it's there' like because i think that's the one of the better parts of like why it's going to work for so many guys is you it's one of these books that you can take off to the side i mean i know a lot of guys are probably listening going shit i've had that too oh i i do that too and you know that's they're kind of relating to this but a lot of times guys will not come up to their friends and say i'm struggling i don't know what to do here i mean i grew up with a dad and he never did any of that stuff either you know he wasn't very hands-on and then his dad was like that with him 00:16:08.98 nextlevelguypodcast So a lot of what I learned i ah from myself, YouTube videos, are from my mother. And I think a lot of guys are raised by their their mothers now because we have this generation of men who are not supporting or helping. 00:16:15.88 Sam Eaton Absolutely. 00:16:22.93 nextlevelguypodcast ah And that's why the work you're doing is so inspirational because you are being that link for these people who will end up being in jail because they can't deal with their anger, who maybe to try to take their life. 00:16:36.22 nextlevelguypodcast But now they realize, oh, that's what that means. Oh, I don't need to believe these things. The work you're doing is phenomenal. You're giving these people insights that no one else has given them that can potentially save their lives. You should be super proud of it. And I think that's what I liked about the book was I could give that to any single person and they could go away and read that. 00:16:55.99 nextlevelguypodcast And because of your vulnerability and your openness to... you know explore to describe how you felt the real like shit yourself kind of moments and then how you were then deal with it and what it meant and then you that you have the affirmation then you have the task it's done in a way that we can do it on our own terms was that the way that you wanted to write this not a preachy book but more a I'm going to be your mate and help you along the journey 00:17:28.92 Sam Eaton Absolutely. When I was at my lowest, um I just felt so alone in it all alone in it all. I felt like nobody really understood what I was going through. 00:17:38.98 Sam Eaton And then just everything felt so overwhelming. Like I start right at the beginning. It's like, if you've been there, like just getting out of bed can feel like you've got to climb an entire mountain. Like, and if you've never been that low, like, 00:17:56.42 Sam Eaton That's a blessing. Like you're living ah you're living a nice life. But if you have been that low, it's like, it's hard to explain. Like, you're just like, well, yeah, just get out of bed and go take a shower. But it's really hard to explain how, know, just sick your mind and your body feels. And so that has been my goal the um is to... 00:18:14.07 Sam Eaton how can I break these things down? Cause I've had to just claw my way through it. um Turns out also I'm not the only one who's experienced it. A lot of us will or or do at some point. And so that was the hope is like, well, what can I What can I give people? And so I wrote a couple of books about my story, just um more nonfiction kind of memoir type books. And then the idea behind You Can Do This was was that. All right, what does this look like on the day to day? And truly that work has been more the last five, seven years. 00:18:46.78 Sam Eaton because i so these are still things I battle. you know it's You said earlier, it's like nobody would look at your success and think, that's the wrong attitude right from the get-go. And we all have that attitude, but we look at somebody and think, oh, they're successful. if They would never have a bad thought or a bad day. And it's like, 00:19:02.07 Sam Eaton we lose celebrities and athletes to this all the time. Like that happens quite a bit here in the States. So it's not the success that prevents it. Like we we all have things. And so that we can work on to better our mental health. And so what are those things and how can i share those in a way that is takes five minutes a day at most and feel like, Oh yeah, I i can do that. I can do this one thing today, or or I can clean that one thing. i can make that one phone call. Yeah. And get that momentum back. Because at the end of the day, what you need the most is you need a friend, someone in it with you. 00:19:36.60 Sam Eaton And then you just need to get some momentum. Find that thing that gets you going again, that gets life feeling just a little bit easier. And then you just keep stacking those wins. And life's a million ups and downs. But over 10 years, those wins, they start to stack up. 00:19:52.25 nextlevelguypodcast I love the way that you put it and especially like the use of like the post-it note to kind of, to you know, to really tell the story and to, to make it stand out. You know, it's like, it's a really unique way of doing it. And I think a lot of guys are kind of listening, thinking, yeah, but I mean, things could be better. But mean, I've got like, I've had the best car I've ever had. I've had the best job i've had in years. 00:20:18.46 nextlevelguypodcast Um, more money than a hud I've ever had. And I felt so meh. I just felt bland, like all the color had been taken out life. And and I was thinking, what have I got to be sad about? 00:20:30.68 nextlevelguypodcast And then was thinking, have no social life anymore. I'm constantly just working. this you know ah And suddenly your brain goes, here's the 50 bad things, but you never think of the one good thing that you've done. 00:20:43.54 nextlevelguypodcast And I like how in the book it's, You give affirmations to people, but why did you go through the affirmation route? Is that something that you did initially to kind of to give people signs to make to remind themselves to break out like pattern interrupts? 00:21:02.24 Sam Eaton I kind of hate the word affirmations. It sounds kind of like woo-woo, weird. 00:21:06.90 nextlevelguypodcast Hmm. 00:21:07.51 Sam Eaton You said I could swear. It kind of sounds a little like bullshit to me, especially when I was in a really dark place. 00:21:10.74 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 00:21:12.23 Sam Eaton I was like, affirmations sound, yeah, it sounded really feminine and really just not like something I would identify with. But I went that route because what I needed is affirmation. 00:21:26.10 Sam Eaton to replace all of those negative voices, right? We carry those voices from our childhood, from our teenage years. The way we talk to ourselves is so important. And people will say like, yeah, talk to yourself like your best friend, but nobody teaches you how to replace those voices. So the hope is that when you read that, when you say that aloud, or you write it down for yourself somewhere, and all the affirmations aren't gonna work for you, but what's something that you can keep coming back to, to say to yourself, 00:21:53.21 Sam Eaton in those moments, you know, and one of those for me is you can do this. Like what? And that's why I named the book that, but it's like, whatever you're facing, instead of saying, no, I can't, I'm going to fail. 00:22:03.61 Sam Eaton How do we start to change our brain and change those automatic thoughts? And so that's the hope around the affirmation is, and I've done that in the morning. um I've listened to some, we also have the audio book that's coming out. So you'll, you could you'll be able to listen to this every day if you want. But the hope is, 00:22:22.10 Sam Eaton to replace is it's not to be like just sunshine and rainbows and sitting in a field singing kumbaya like that's great too um but we we want to give you some tools to replace those those crappy things you're saying to yourself because it does get easier when those voices in your head start cheering you on instead of beating you up like that that felt like maybe one of the biggest mountains that i've had to climb um and it's hard part is it's work that only you can do you know it's it's hard work and it But ah it it truly is so important to to enjoying life is to not spend your whole life hating yourself. 00:23:02.44 nextlevelguypodcast Because it's definitely something that, you know, you live in a society where every time you turn on the news, it's bad things. Every marketing campaign is, you're not enough. 00:23:13.49 nextlevelguypodcast You need this project to survive. 00:23:14.54 Sam Eaton Mm-hmm. 00:23:15.93 nextlevelguypodcast You know, if you don't have these trainers, if you don't have this or that, you don't know, I think the movie Fight Club almost had it right that you're more than your job, you're khakis, you're this, that. 00:23:27.66 Sam Eaton Absolutely. 00:23:27.84 nextlevelguypodcast It's, i think, like, there was definitely something in that that a lot of men needed to go back to sort of primal ways to re-find themselves, re-find their passion, but obviously it went a bit too toxic masculinity in that sense. 00:23:42.36 nextlevelguypodcast But in your opinion, what what is the danger about men continuing to live this way we are? The way that, you know, the healing modalities that society it does for depression, like talk therapy and stuff like that. If we carry on like this as men, where where do you see the problems coming from? 00:24:06.71 Sam Eaton I think you're exactly right that ah a lot of ah a lot of the things they point you to ah doesn't immediately connect with guys. i've I've done a lot of talk therapy. 00:24:19.06 Sam Eaton And for for a lot of years, especially if you don't have the right person who's going to challenge you a little bit, um I do think it... it it's probably not the best tool. 00:24:29.33 Sam Eaton For me, it was like so much of the mental health tools involved like sitting still and quiet. They always went to like meditation and like journaling and like, and I i hate that crap. 00:24:37.65 nextlevelguypodcast Yep. yep 00:24:41.23 Sam Eaton Like I wanna move my body. i feel better. the best my The best version of that for me is to go run or to go play a sport or like, there's something about movement for me that that way, 00:24:54.36 Sam Eaton is better than just sitting around and talking to someone. Now, I think talking someone can really help, especially around trauma. um But I do think you're right. But then I think what i I hear a lot of men then use that as an excuse. Instead of trying to find something that will work for them, maybe that's jujitsu, maybe there is a club that they can join or a book club or or a common interest club. Like there are other ways to find support and community. 00:25:24.15 Sam Eaton um But I think I hear a lot of men just be like, oh, well, I'll never go to talk therapy. It's like. It could help, like, what if it helps? And if you've tried it, then maybe try something else. 00:25:34.66 Sam Eaton Right. There are so many other things you can try besides just sitting in a room with someone. 00:25:35.13 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 00:25:38.78 Sam Eaton and There's tons of different kinds of therapy. EMDR is an incredible resource. It's there's I could go on forever, but there's so many other therapies besides just sitting on a couch and talking about the way that you feel. 00:25:52.66 Sam Eaton um But you have to be brave enough to try to try something that feels really uncomfortable. You know, just like walking into that CrossFit gym for me the first time. It's like, yeah, walking into a a therapy office was scary and it was hard and it didn't go great at first. and I didn't find the right connection at first. um That doesn't mean nothing will help you though, right? If it just because you have some feelings about, oh, this is too feminine for me, or this isn't right for me. 00:26:21.14 Sam Eaton That doesn't mean nothing will just means you haven't found or tried the right thing yet. 00:26:25.50 nextlevelguypodcast I love it because that's like the story through the book. It's, you know, you try and music again, it's you got into the CrossFit, you deciding to run a marathon there and you talk about with the voices in your head, but then the realization of what reality actually strikes. 00:26:42.01 nextlevelguypodcast And that's what I found was when I did talk therapy, It was great at first, but then it felt like I was just keeping the problems around. But then I've discovered cognitive behavioral therapy, neuro-linguistic programming, like EDMR, like you mentioned. 00:26:50.74 Sam Eaton Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 00:26:55.67 nextlevelguypodcast And suddenly it was, oh, these are behaviors I can bring out in my head. Oh, these are things I can stop that pattern before. This is a like use of um affirmations and things like that. 00:27:07.43 nextlevelguypodcast These are kind of things you can change it. And I think, oh, that's interesting. and that's why I liked your book, because as was reading it, it started as a, oh, that's interesting, to, ah oh, yeah, I do do that. 00:27:19.35 nextlevelguypodcast And then it was a big, oh. And then it was like, right, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. And it it inspires you. 00:27:23.59 Sam Eaton Thank you. 00:27:24.86 nextlevelguypodcast And it means that we can work this at our own pace. is What kind of feedback have you had from people who have been reading this? you know Because I found this as a book to do, not just read. 00:27:38.39 nextlevelguypodcast But have you found people like that style of having the friend that leads them? It's like it can help the lowest person, but it can also help the person who just wants to be a bit happier. 00:27:51.61 Sam Eaton So the book isn't out yet It comes out April 28th. So you're one of the few people who have seen it so far. But yes, that i I wanted to give people action steps. And so each day has a theme. There's some seven days in a week, obviously, and each day I gave one of kind of the core practices that really helped me. And the first day is bold action. I didn't know what else to call it, but there are just points in your life when you have to go for it. You have you have to stop sitting at home by yourself and you have to 00:28:24.15 Sam Eaton try right like if if you want a romantic interest you have to do something to pursue a romantic interest right like these things that you want require you to do something and to move now it might not always be perfect um but that that for example that's just an example of of something from the book i also talk about self-worth kind of what we were just talking about before but you know, those feelings we have about ourselves, I really need to dig out some of those things we talked about earlier, like me feeling like a mistake, or I shouldn't exist, or, you know, some of these kind of big level ideas. But that was the hope it was, all right, I've spent 10 years trying to 00:29:04.31 Sam Eaton live life enjoy my life trying to get through this and how do i put all those lessons into something that someone can take away and so hopefully it's just a little nugget each day and probably not every day is going to fit everyone someone's going to read a day and be like oh no i would never do that great that's awesome go go try something that you would try right you gotta this is your body your brain your life it's like you got to make it your own But here are some ideas to get you started if you're feeling stuck, if you're feeling trapped, if you're feeling a little bit hopeless. Like, hey, you you can do this. Borrow my voice for a while. you know Hear my voice tell you these encouraging things until your own voice tells it to yourself. 00:29:43.64 nextlevelguypodcast So how did you overcome that fear of starting? Because I think that's the bit of people go, right, I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do that. But it's that fear of stepping up and going, 00:29:55.10 nextlevelguypodcast okay, now you've got out the door. Now you've got to in your car and go into that CrossFit gym or go into the the start line or whatever it is. How did you find these, like, that because Steve Kamm from Nerd Fitness has this, like, berserker 20 seconds of carriage, like the berserker charging into battle. You know, they psych themselves up and they just go for it. 00:30:17.78 nextlevelguypodcast Did you use that or was there something in your head that you used to kind of overcome that fear that would arise? 00:30:18.33 Sam Eaton I like that. 00:30:26.68 Sam Eaton I do think it's a skill like it. It's or a muscle that develops over time. It never gets easier. um And most importantly, you're you're probably never going to feel like it. 00:30:38.80 Sam Eaton Like if you're waiting for your the perfect day, the perfect time to go try that, that's that's never going to happen. You have you have to start before you feel ready. um 00:30:48.50 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 00:30:50.07 Sam Eaton That's the scariest part. But some of that also starts with identity, right? It's like, well, people be like, well, I'm not a runner. It's like, what do you mean? you could you could You can't run down the street right now? of course you're a runner, right? It's like for me, when i run when I wanted to write my first book, it started as, hey, I want to write a book. Well, the most important step of writing a book is to open a Word document, write book, and then start writing. Right now, instead of saying, 00:31:17.40 Sam Eaton I want to write a book, you say I am writing a book, right? Like that just subtle change, things like that really do matter. It was like, Oh, god I don't belong in a CrossFit gym. 00:31:28.59 Sam Eaton and In fact, that day it was um I had been a member of just like your local box gym, which is your machines. And I was inconsistent. In fact, I was kind of losing weight because I was just doing a ton of cardio, but I wanted to like get stronger. and so first it just started with, well, where are the people that look and are doing what I want to do. Well, they're not at this regular gym with all these old people. They're actually down the street at CrossFit. So step one is, is just being brave enough to be like, Oh, if I want to be like them, i have to be around people like that. And, you know, I had built up all this fear and, 00:32:06.36 Sam Eaton it it took a long time. Honestly, it probably took six months to a year before I even felt okay at it or or good at it. um But all those fears that I had, like nobody was mean to me, everybody was just helpful. um And I slowly started to love it. And it took a long time. 00:32:24.79 Sam Eaton um But i almost I almost didn't even walk in the door. I literally like almost drove away. And my whole life is different because I just walked in the door and what's the worst that could happen? I hate it. Okay. So then I, I don't go back and I try something else, you know? So we're, we're, we get so obsessed with what other people think of us or what we're going to look like. And like, just none of that matters. Like to just, just drive there, just go in, see what happens, give it your best, try something else tomorrow. Um, I think we overcomplicate and we talk ourselves out of it. Like you were just saying 20 seconds, just go, just push yourself, just try. 00:32:59.10 nextlevelguypodcast Because like there's so much in there. You think people are going to judge you. People are going to hate you. and you know you You turn up to these things and find out that the meatheads in the gym are some of the nicest people who are happy to see you and they want to give you the knowledge and support you. 00:33:12.12 Sam Eaton Absolutely. 00:33:14.13 nextlevelguypodcast They want to see you happy with your transformations. 00:33:15.38 Sam Eaton Absolutely. 00:33:17.21 nextlevelguypodcast And it's like that bit in the book where you were talking about the CrossFit and thinking, was it five minutes behind everybody? You were thinking they were ridiculing and making fun you. And they were cheering you on and applauding you and... 00:33:29.21 nextlevelguypodcast delighted because they knew you were going to be cross fitter you're going to be part of the group you're going to be part of that community and we immediately go in our heads and go no people are going to just like us oh don't the you you start looking down at the ground you start on all it accessing that part of your brain that says you're worthless you're this or that and sometimes it's just look up to the horizon step forward And it can change your life. I did that when I went to Jitsu. 00:33:56.60 nextlevelguypodcast I can't tell you the number of beginner classes that I almost signed up for, but didn't. And then one day I just randomly just did it. And I now have been doing Jiu Jitsu for about two years, ah completely out of the blue. And if you had i said to past Dean, he would have said, don't be silly. He'll never do something like that. 00:34:16.06 nextlevelguypodcast How, but but for people who do start this and they start going, okay, Affirmation one works, work. Affirmation two works, okay. But then they start going to wee, but they bump up about something they maybe have issues with or it opens up a sort demon inside. 00:34:33.62 nextlevelguypodcast How do you stay strong? You know, like when there's no momentum, how how can they get back into this? Did you have any bumps in the road that you kind of overcame or found a solution that worked for you? 00:34:48.25 Sam Eaton Of course, of course, I have bumps in the road today. 00:34:50.38 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 00:34:51.39 Sam Eaton Like I still didn't want to go to the gym today. That doesn't, that doesn't stop or change. But we figure out the systems and the habits, the people around us, we figure out what we need, right? So when we, when we fail, or we even, i hate to use that word. It's just like, is that even failure? But like, when we don't when we aren't living up to what we want to live up to that's just information, right? Why didn't I make it to the gym today, for example? It's like, oh, well, I belong to a gym that's 40 minutes away and there's traffic. It's like, right, what are what are the barriers to what you're trying to do and breaking it down into very easily doable steps? like 00:35:32.31 Sam Eaton um If your house, I've had times where like my house was just a total mess, right? It's like there's trash everywhere, there's clothes everywhere, like so embarrassing. And that feels overwhelming. So you don't know where to start, but like break it down to what you can achieve and what you can accomplish today. So for like me, I set a 10 minute timer. Like that's one of my go-to tricks. It's like, 00:35:51.97 Sam Eaton all right, if I need to do something, I'm going to do it for 10 minutes. And at 10 minutes, if I want to stop, I can stop. If I want to keep going, I can keep going. 00:35:58.04 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 00:35:59.42 Sam Eaton And I let my myself decide then. And so we find little tricks to to get us past our fear, to get us past all of those voices that are talking us out of it. We we we just find it doesn't it it doesn't get easier. it we don't stop failing. We don't stop making mistakes. We don't None of that happens. Like there is no magical day where it's just like, Oh, life is perfect. 00:36:22.68 Sam Eaton But we find things that work for us. We find communities, right? It's like, I do better at a gym where there's people who miss me. If I'm not there, that point blank, someone to tell me what to do, people to talk to you. 00:36:35.13 Sam Eaton I don't have to think I can just go do it and leave. That's what works for me. That might not work for you. And that's, that's okay. And so I, I, I think there's this really fine line with mental health on pushing ourselves and giving ourselves compassion and grace and kindness when we are not immediately perfect at something, when we don't immediately achieve everything we want, right? Just because you did five days in a row and then missed three days Oh, well, okay, do day six or jump to day eight. Like, there's no, there's no rules. Like there's no, you're in charge of your own life. There's no right or wrong way to to do any of this. Just, just keep trying. It's like, oh okay, actually, i was out of town for the week and I didn't bring it with me. Okay. No problem, right? it's It's giving ourselves that kindness to say like, oh yeah, I just made a mistake or oh yeah, you know what? I was really tired and I didn't have a couple days in me. No big deal. And just getting back to it. And that can be a couple days. That can be a couple years. Like, oh, I i haven't been to the jujitsu gym in three years. Okay, so what? like what what why is that Why is that even a ah problem? Just, okay, go tomorrow. we We spend so much of our times in our heads instead of just getting out of our own way. 00:37:48.85 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah, we apply a story, don't we? Rather than just look at it realistic, like people will be, oh, he's back, or they'll be happy to see you, or there'll be people who don't know you who maybe, oh, it's a new guy you had a chance to meet. Or, you know, we immediately go, oh, they'll be judging us. Oh, that means I've given up. Oh, I'm useless. And I think that's something I struggled with, was that I was sometimes, if I had read this book, say, 10 years ago, would have said, well, that's not. that's not me, oh I can't do that, can't do that now I was reading it going oh I understand why compassion, why he's talking about the self-care, why he's talking about the gratitude to yourself as much as to other people and why it's important to say these things there's so much in the book that 00:38:32.88 nextlevelguypodcast Once you go on the journey, it really helps. you know like it It kind of opens up and it really helps you explore and develop these areas. But for people who maybe come across affirmation and they go, well, that's just crap or that's not me. 00:38:48.57 nextlevelguypodcast Is that the affirmations that they need to actually focus on more because that's a defensive mechanism? Was there things like that that came up with you that you went, that's garbage, but then now you look back and go, actually, that's my area I needed to work on? 00:39:06.42 Sam Eaton There is this part of depression for me that feels like addictive. um Like there, there were times when like, losing myself in bed, feeling really sad, um being really in these big emotional swings felt it felt like an addiction, like, and my body and my brain did not want to do things that would keep me that would help me get out of that. 00:39:31.75 Sam Eaton I don't know why that is. 00:39:32.13 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 00:39:33.11 Sam Eaton I don't I don't I can't tell you biologically why that happens. For me, some of it was trauma. Some of it was fear. um One of the most important things for any of us is to never let our brain talk in absolute phrases. Like if you if everybody listening just heard this tip, this this might be the most important thing I'll i'll share. But it's The thing that keeps you trapped is that voice that says, I'll never be happy. I'll never lose weight. Whatever those things are, I'll never get married. I'll never, I'll never, I'll never, right? How many times do we tell ourselves these things? And it's like, well, you don't you don't know that, right? That's just giving you an excuse to not... 00:40:09.27 Sam Eaton do anything, right? It's like, oh, well, that will never work for me. have Have you tried it? Have you gone for it? so So anytime our brains do that, I always teach people to interrupt those thoughts with either yet or but. So like, I'm not happy yet, but I'm going to go to a workout class or you know, I'm not I don't look the way I want to yet, but I'm going to cook some healthier meals this week. 00:40:35.36 Sam Eaton We can interrupt those thoughts. We don't just have to let our brains beat ourselves up over and over again. And then the really important thing is I hope that you also interrupt those thoughts and the people around you. Once you start focusing on it, you'll notice other people say that. They'll they'll say, oh, I'm so stupid. or i'm so And i I stop everybody. it doesn't I don't care if i they're at the grocery store. I'm like, oh, you're not stupid. You just forgot your checkbook. right like That's just a mistake. like But when you catch it in yourself and then also try to catch that in other people, it's like, oh, well, this is hopeless. I'll never get a job. Yeah. 00:41:07.64 Sam Eaton yeah, like you will, you will like, let's, let's get an application going. Like, let's go to the coffee shop and like work together for a couple hours. Right. Like um we got to stop our brain when it says, Nope, this is it. We we enter interrupt that. And we say, actually, actually there are things I can do to change that and and work towards that. And if there are things that we can't change about ourselves, so then what's the point in thinking about that anyway, we can't change it. There's no way to change it. So focus your brain on, on things that are in your control. 00:41:37.27 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah, because it goes back to that. we We create a story around it rather than what it actually is, is a mistake. Oh, I forgot that or that happened. You know, it's like I remember my brother, he got a flat tire randomly and it turned out just a nail in the tire. 00:41:55.38 nextlevelguypodcast And in his world, he was driving us home, first time he ever drove us back from Cyprus where he's staying now. And in his world, he was stupid. He you know he had ruined the trip for us and all this kind of... And you could see in his brain was coming up because he'd obviously been stressing wanting us to come over, make it the best holiday for us. 00:42:14.10 nextlevelguypodcast And I was like, these things happen. This is a story we'll tell. 00:42:17.50 Sam Eaton Yes. 00:42:18.18 nextlevelguypodcast like you know why be so And I think that something is we need to remove and, like we see, realistically see what's actually happening. how did you find that balance between reality and in inputs in your head? Did you ever, did you try to use like the act as if method to act as if you were happy or, 00:42:40.15 nextlevelguypodcast you know what was the the the the the lowest denominator of like the things you could do when you were really struggling? Was it just drive up to the gym and do one rep? And if you still weren't feeling it, come home. Was it literally have a hot bath just to feel warmth when you're struggling? What were these like little things that the lowest common denominator somebody could do that would give them that's some level of success if they're really struggling? 00:43:10.46 Sam Eaton Yeah, so the research on habits show we are much more likely to stick to a new habit if you just pick one at a time, which sounds so basic, it sounds so lame. But I think we a lot of times fall into this trap of, oh, I've got to change everything at once. It's like... 00:43:26.65 Sam Eaton No, you don't. Find one thing that helps you get a little bit more momentum that makes you feel a little bit better than you did yesterday. For me, and annoyingly so for a long time, it was in the morning, just getting up and going for a walk immediately. Again, if it's only 10 minutes, but i would listen to some positive music, get outside, get some sunlight, get some fresh air. 00:43:47.85 Sam Eaton and not sit in my bed and scroll for two hours, not get stuck, like doing the, I'm going back to sleep for hours and hours, but like, get up, move your body for whatever reason that, that was kind of one of those core things that does help me. Um, and then I made a lot of excuses eventually like, Oh, I couldn't know it's too cold. Well, it's okay. So then I got like a hundred dollar walking treadmill for my apartment because, 00:44:14.01 Sam Eaton hey, you you can walk on a walking treadmill. And so now that I know that movement helps me, it's like, okay, how do I put a little bit more of that into my day? It's like, oh, well, I like to look at my phone or play games on my phone. 00:44:25.00 Sam Eaton It's like, oh, what if I just walk at a slow pace while I look at my phone? It's like, okay, now I'm pairing something that maybe sometimes I feel bad about with something that helps me feel a little bit better. 00:44:35.56 Sam Eaton um so it's 00:44:36.57 nextlevelguypodcast you 00:44:37.59 Sam Eaton A, it's learning. What are those things that do help me? And then what are the easiest ways to put that into my life? And then once, okay, now I've i've walked you know most days for seven days. It's like, all right, maybe I'm i'm ready to add something else. you know Maybe I'm ready to... 00:44:53.27 Sam Eaton um cook a healthy breakfast or or plan a healthy breakfast. Right. But until then, it's like make things as easy as possible. Like I heard hear a creator always talks about like buy paper plates. Like if you're if you're flat is a mess, 00:45:08.28 Sam Eaton Like go spend two pounds on a paper plate and just use it and throw it away. Now you don't have a mess, right? I know that's not the best for the environment today, but it is the best thing if that's going to help you get back on your feet, get back to a place where you feel like you want to be alive. You're enjoying your life. You're, you're getting some momentum again. So we have these built up shoulds. We have so many shoulds and it's like, pull all of that away, strip it all the way back. pick Pick one thing that helps you make everything else as easy as possible. And then just get, once you get that momentum back, yeah, you'll have enough energy to do the dishes. You will, like that's not going to last forever. But just make things as easy as possible on yourself until until you're feeling a little better. 00:45:51.20 nextlevelguypodcast It definitely hits home. I mean, I love that because I can remember the times of thinking, I just can't do it. I've got washing, I've got dishes, I've got... yeah And then suddenly you think, okay, I'm just going to do one load in the wash and you see a bit of space and then, oh, I'm going to clean that dish there. oh suddenly it is a bit clean. And these little movements start this momentum that builds and builds and builds. And I think that's what we forget. We don't need to fix everything at once. We just need to to get started. 00:46:21.05 nextlevelguypodcast Was there times when you actually found in real time, you would your brain would go, don't be stupid, you can't do this? you know When you were about to step into the the music thing. or what What was that way that you dealt with the narrative your brain was creating to allow you to step into this new reality? 00:46:48.60 Sam Eaton Part of it is just understanding that most people feel a bit like a fraud. you know It's like like I was listening to you at the beginning of this talk about what a successful person I am, and I don't feel that way on a day-to-day basis. 00:47:02.17 Sam Eaton I feel like I'm clawing my way. I feel like I'm i'm just trying to make it. you know And years ago, if you told me i I was about to have my third book published, like I would be like, are you kidding? 00:47:07.23 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 00:47:14.05 Sam Eaton That's incredible. But our our brains do this thing where they kind of like adapt to where we are for better or worse. Right. It's like, but we can use that to our advantage. So you can do the affirmations, of course, like we want to replace those thoughts. And, and you know, but like one of the stories I tell in the book is like, it's also important that you get yourself around encouraging people who are doing things that inspire you, that that help you be a better version of yourself. um one of the stories I tell in the book is like, you know, when I started at CrossFit, I had all these really negative voices in my head when I'd work out. And then one time I was traveling and I was working out in a hotel gym and I noticed that the voices in my head were the voices of the people I normally worked out with that are saying, yeah, Sam, you can do that. Yeah. Try again. Yeah. Lift harder. Just four more. Right. And so these, this book also doesn't have to be done alone or like these things that we're trying to heal about ourselves or be better. Like they are better when we have, 00:48:13.40 Sam Eaton encouraging people around us. and And I've had times when I had, I felt like I had absolutely nobody and that's really scary, but that just starts with, okay, I'm going to go try one thing this week. Like there, there's a time and in my life where i I felt like I didn't have a single person I could call or text to hang out. And my therapist gave me the challenge. he's like, okay, just go to one thing this week. That's it. I don't care what you pick, pick a book club, pick an open gym, 00:48:38.36 Sam Eaton go somewhere with people and talk to at least one of them. Like that that was a homework assignment. And that sounds maybe really basic or childish to some people listening, but that's where I was. And guess what? That really helped. And now I went for that homework assignment. I picked to go play volleyball. I grew up in a volleyball family. 00:48:57.43 Sam Eaton So I at least knew how to play. And now I still play on teams. It was years and years ago. I've i've made great communities of friends. I go on a volleyball trip every year with like 20 people. All of that started by me just having one silly homework assignment that was like, I'm going to go try this open gym. 00:49:13.81 Sam Eaton And guess what? The open gym kind of sucked. Like it was not great at first. I didn't play great. I didn't know anybody, but I went back for a few times over and over. Eventually I found a nice person who then invited me to be on a different team. 00:49:25.76 Sam Eaton And I was like, Oh, actually I kind liked that team. And then that introduced me to somebody else. 00:49:30.04 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 00:49:30.49 Sam Eaton So I guess at the end of the day, it's like, 00:49:36.18 Sam Eaton there is nothing to prepare you for that moment. There really, there's like, you can say the things, you can do the things, we can start ourselves with the best people. And at the end of the day, like that comes back to you and the confidence you build. 00:49:48.47 Sam Eaton But that confidence comes in those moments, right? You start to have more courage to do those moments by doing those moments. So just start with the first one, go whatever your version of going to an open gym volleyball is like, Try that and and start there. that's That's where I started. and And that's where most people have started at some point in their life. They were the new kid and it's awkward and it sucks. But that's how you get to where you want to be. 00:50:14.37 nextlevelguypodcast I love that. I love how kind in the book you you don't just talk about, oh, there's something wrong with you, this is how to fix it. You go, okay, it could be your environment. It could be the people that you're hanging around with. It could be, you know, you break down all the areas, but it's also about how to give as much self-love to yourself as it is to go in and try these new things and doing these things. And if you do need to take some time away to be just by yourself, 00:50:43.54 nextlevelguypodcast that's fine. You know, if you need to do this, if you want to do this, here's the steps to take. And then you, you patch it with a story that we can look and go, okay, I can see how that worked. Now he did that and use that as momentum to then try ourselves. 00:50:59.32 nextlevelguypodcast But if we do do something wrong, you know, if we do have a bad event, if we have an embarrassment or whatever, was it, what was the things you found that made you go, yep, right next time, 00:51:11.29 nextlevelguypodcast How do we not live in, oh, well, there's another proof that you're bad or there's another proof that you're stupid? 00:51:16.38 Sam Eaton I 00:51:17.46 nextlevelguypodcast How do we look at that and go, fuck, I gave that a try. Oh, gave that a cracking shot. I'm proud of myself for just turning up. how How do we make the positive stronger than the negative 00:51:32.22 Sam Eaton Yeah, that's, that's a whole nother hour of a podcast we could do. But I do have a couple of quick things that that absolutely help. 00:51:35.80 nextlevelguypodcast yeah 00:51:40.41 Sam Eaton At least have helped me. And one of those is, if you think about whatever, like the perfect parent for you would be, for me, that feels like really encouraging, really warm. 00:51:50.09 nextlevelguypodcast Thank you. 00:51:50.14 Sam Eaton um and And think about like, what would that person say in this situation, right? Like the perfect parent is going to cheer you on. Um, right. Just what are the ways that we can get outside of ourselves? 00:52:00.94 Sam Eaton A lot of those, one of the one of the things that i think about a lot is, um, you know, nobody's born hating themselves, right? Nobody, nobody, 00:52:12.31 Sam Eaton is born with those negative voices in us. Like if you look at a ah toddler, like they've got no fear, they're touching outlets, they're running for the stairs, like they're going for it. um But somewhere along the way, we we take those voices and we learn those negative voices. But the good news is that means we can unlearn them too, right? Like it means there's things we can do. So the first one is, 00:52:32.09 Sam Eaton you know, talk to yourself the way that you would like a little kid, you know, like I used to say when I'd spill something and be like, great job, dumb ass. Right. And there's like, you know, blueberries all over the kitchen. and it's like, this just happened to me the other day. And then it's like, now i I try to pause in that moment. And like, okay, what would I say? What would I want to say to a little kid? It's like, oh, no big deal. We'll just pick it up. It's okay. It's just a mistake. Right. And then maybe next time we get a rubber band so that it doesn't happen. Right. Like, 00:52:57.65 Sam Eaton There's no reason for all this anger and hate that we put on ourselves. 00:53:04.11 Sam Eaton that's I think that's the first the first step of that. um 00:53:09.88 nextlevelguypodcast Because the best relationship you've got to have in life is the one with yourself. And a lot of times we speak to ourselves as a way that you would never accept from a friend. But you carry this internal prison round that berates and hates you 24-7 if you're unlucky to have the depression, and anxiety, these kind of conditions. 00:53:29.14 nextlevelguypodcast And it's really difficult to to explain it to somebody of why so they can... back Well, don't be silly. It's just a silly mistake. And how we can make it a... 00:53:39.95 nextlevelguypodcast Well, that's it. Day's ruined. You know, there's, it could literally be that kind of in your head, that little flick of a switch. Did you have to come to terms, you know, with past mistakes? 00:53:49.11 Sam Eaton Absolutely. 00:53:51.41 nextlevelguypodcast Did you find a way to kind of accept them to not, to not let your past affect your future? 00:54:03.26 Sam Eaton depression in a very, very simplistic term, depression is when your brain spends way too much time ruminating on the past and anxiety is when your brain spends way too much time ruminating on the future. And so is it, what can we do to bring our brain back to right now? And, 00:54:21.40 Sam Eaton This is where i I really would encourage everyone to seek some sort of professional help if if you struggle. Because trauma, while you can process on your own, there are things you can do. You can journal. You can write out. 00:54:33.59 Sam Eaton Writing is a really good thing if you've been through some hard things. like There's a lot of good research about write out your story. That's actually how my first book started. But for For some people, it's like this the first time in their life they get to put down on paper, hey, these are the hard things I experienced and this is what it felt like to me without anybody else saying like, no, you're not remembering that right. 00:54:53.02 Sam Eaton Like just getting some of that crap out of us, I think is really important. 00:54:57.47 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 00:54:59.06 Sam Eaton I needed to process some of that abuse that I experienced with a medical professional. Like I needed someone to help kind of guide me through some of that harder stuff. So I do think that's important. 00:55:10.42 Sam Eaton But absolutely also, we need to take steps to keep ourselves focused on the present. i Like I think one of the things i think about a lot is think social media has really messed us up quite a bit. I don't think we were meant to see and stay in touch with every person that we ever met for our entire lives. Like, 00:55:29.53 Sam Eaton If somebody has said really crappy things to you, why would you ever want to think about them again? Like, why would you let them keep showing up? Like, why wouldn't you block them or like remove them out of your life? or like, why would you keep things that that bring negative past thoughts or... um So I think there are steps we can take and notice throughout our day. It's like, okay, if if these stories are tripping us up, like like I mentioned the story about running, right? Like if you're telling yourself, I run like a girl, it's like, okay, well, yeah, we can write about that. We can talk about that. 00:56:00.31 Sam Eaton or Or we can go prove that wrong. or Or some combination of all three seems to be what helps me the most. 00:56:05.66 nextlevelguypodcast Okay. 00:56:06.27 Sam Eaton So Maybe that's writing a letter to someone you never send. That's something that happens in therapy a lot. I've done that a lot. It's like a past relationship, a breakup. It's like, I wrote out this eight page letter of everything I needed to say. And guess what? I felt a bit better after. And then I ripped it up and threw it away. Like, 00:56:23.45 Sam Eaton But I think at the end of the day, it's like you got to do some sort of action to keep your brain focused on what you can control, what's really happening right here, right now. 00:56:33.66 Sam Eaton we We can't go back and change the past, right? I can't go back and and not hurt that girl that that I really hurt. And I beat myself up over that for years. I can't change that. 00:56:42.36 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 00:56:43.06 Sam Eaton I've apologized. I've done work in therapy so that I don't hurt somebody else like that again. But at the end of the day, it's like, it doesn't change anything for me to sit here and continue to feel bad about something. Like, oh, by the way, I was 19 and like, I didn't have the tools and nobody modeled for me how to like communicate, right? the The marriage I looked at was a disaster. So shocking that this relationship I had, I didn't have tools to be in a healthy relationship. Like that's, that's not surprising. That's, that's what you would expect to happen. So why would I beat my 19 year self, 19 year old self up for something that he, he didn't do on purpose. And so I think there are a lot of things like that, that we got to work through, we got to take action. and then at some point, you just have to let it go, you have to do whatever it takes to to forgive that version of you that messed up. And so you know, what I'm going try to be a better person going forward. And that's, that's okay. And that's enough. 00:57:36.66 nextlevelguypodcast No, I mean, that that ah really hit me because I spent, I was 24 when I made a really big mistake. And I'm 43 now and I probably still feel it now. 00:57:47.83 nextlevelguypodcast And I still feel I carry that shame, regret, self-hatred, that ball, and you know I'm trying to remember the Greek guy that pushes up the hill every day as a management. 00:57:59.14 Sam Eaton Mm-hmm. 00:57:59.86 nextlevelguypodcast And I think that's the thing is, like, if we don't come to peace with who we were or the the past versions of ourselves who didn't know better, who were just using the skills and techniques we had at the time, you know, we're looking back with smarter, more evolved, like, um understanding techniques and behavioral issues better now as we go through this journey. 00:58:22.07 nextlevelguypodcast ah course you're going to beat up this former version yourself but that version would never be able to understand what's happening now on the level that you can And I think that's something that a lot of us kind of get scared of is as we start doing these things, you know, because that's your book really opens up a lot of questions and a lot of areas that could potentially change people's lives, but could also burn them out from the emotion that could come from, you know, they could try that and make a mistake or whatever. 00:58:52.51 Sam Eaton Thank you. 00:58:52.54 nextlevelguypodcast How do you balance pushing yourself forward? but with protecting your energy, protecting your happiness, implementing the self-care, et cetera. How did you find filling your social party, but also hiding when you needed it to say no? Like you mentioned the book a few times, you can decide not to to keep yourself sane, mental, healthy, happy. 00:59:15.86 nextlevelguypodcast How did you balance that side of action and retreat? 00:59:24.22 Sam Eaton So i I struggled more with the action part than than the retreat part. i am an I am more of an introvert. I enjoy spending time by myself in the quiet. 00:59:35.29 Sam Eaton um So the the action, I was scared to live. So what i I needed more of was that push. And there probably are guys listening to this who schedule their whole life very busy so they never have to be quiet and sit with people 00:59:50.07 nextlevelguypodcast moon 00:59:50.62 Sam Eaton some harder things right so there's probably some people listening who actually need the opposite advice like they need to actually do a little bit less so there's more space in their life to do some of these things to think about the person they want to be to dream about what five years from now looks like what 10 years from now looks like so again that's going to look a little bit different for everybody i i often have had to give myself a little game or a little challenge So in the book, every week I give a little weekly challenge. So like the first one is you're just going to do one thing every day that makes your life better or makes the world a better place. That's it. 01:00:25.56 Sam Eaton That's and that was what I did actually after my suicide attempt. That was the challenge I came up with for myself. I don't know where that came from, but I did it for almost five months. um I still have the pictures on Facebook with, you know, 2011 haircut. But i I needed that. I needed, so for me, practically, that looks like this long list of things that I had been ignoring or that I wanted to try that never did, or, you know, ah nagging tasks, returns I had never made, whatever it was, I made this long list and I kept it in my kitchen. 01:00:57.02 Sam Eaton And every day I would just pick one and just cross off one. um and And that was, again, that idea of momentum, that that little game is what worked for me. And so that My challenge to to people listening is is maybe there's a little game like that that you need. right like Maybe it's just, okay, I'm going to do one little thing every day. Today is I'm going to pick up the clothes off the floor and tomorrow is I'm going to go to the park because I like to be at the park and it makes me feel more alive. you know Or I'm going to go try a new recipe because... 01:01:28.24 Sam Eaton there's There's something about exploring and adventure that that also makes us feel alive. So I hope I'm not talking too much about the mundane, everyday chores of life because cause there also is an element to this where like if you've always wanted to go travel, cool like what steps are you taking to do that? right like what are Okay, well, money is the obstacle. All right, well, how can we get you a little more money so that you can go on this trip you've always wanted to go on? Because that's what's going to make your life worth living. Those are the things that... 01:01:58.04 Sam Eaton that make life fun and enjoyable and alive. And that's, we we need all of that together. We need the rest and the healing, but we're healing so that we can handle more joy so that we can experience this life. We're not, we're not healing to protect ourselves. We're he healing that we can go and live life to the fullest, or at least whatever that looks like for us. 01:02:18.67 nextlevelguypodcast I'm definitely the same. i'm the I spend too much time on my own. like i'll you know If I find myself consuming all the time without creating something, I know I'm slipping back. 01:02:31.33 nextlevelguypodcast if i'll 01:02:31.43 Sam Eaton and we have 01:02:32.65 nextlevelguypodcast I'll find myself going, oh, I want to do that. So I'll accumulate all this information about it. but i won't go and do it so that's why i liked your book about the the daily actions the the story that reminds you of okay this is where you know this is the motivation of where he started from and this is how he did it there's an affirmation to remind myself okay and i'll remember that and i'll i'll say it enough times and then i found myself kind of leveling up on certain areas going oh I remember that affirmation or I remember that story and applied it and I behaved in a different way. 01:03:08.22 nextlevelguypodcast How then do we take these new behaviors, these new feelings, these things we've dealt with and use them going forward so we don't slip back, but we use it as a new kind of luncheon pad of the better version of ourselves? 01:03:23.06 nextlevelguypodcast And even if it's just a tiny little area, how do we keep improving ah towards what we want, not what society dictates we should have? 01:03:36.26 Sam Eaton Practically speaking, i think having those things written down are a way to track them over time. So i like I use a habit app on my phone. I have eight habits every day that I'm trying to hit. 01:03:48.76 Sam Eaton um I'll just show you what they are. So... I have 10 and I'm trying to hit eight out of the 10. So again, I'm making a little game for myself to do the things that I know will help me that maybe I don't want to do. So the first two are movement based. I want to like exercise or play a sport or lift. And then I'm trying to walk eight or eight to 10,000 steps a day. So those sometimes I just do one, sometimes both, sometimes none. 01:04:11.45 Sam Eaton And then I'm trying to work on my nutrition. So I'm trying to eat two servings of fruits and vegetables a day and 150 grams of protein. So I have I have that tracked there, right? And I like go throughout the day. I try to do one personal task a day, which is like laundry, dishes, something. i try to do one task for my work, my business, whether that's like respond to an email or schedule a podcast. I try to make one piece of content. I want to move a meaningful project forward in my life. 01:04:40.34 Sam Eaton And then I have two slots for self-care. And so i'm some days, like yesterday, i got... two and a half yesterday. I was, I just kind of rested yesterday. I wasn't feeling great. It wasn't perfect, but Hey, guess what? We're back at it today. 01:04:56.09 Sam Eaton I'm back looking at the things that I'm trying to work on. i got to the gym today. I've eaten. Okay. I already got a serving of that. You know, I did one load of dishes. Right. So, so for me, it's, it's, it's, what are you, it's again, finding those systems that will help you stay consistent, 01:05:11.93 Sam Eaton over time. This works for me. It might not work for somebody else. But I think it's finding little games, little tricks, little little things to trick our brain into doing the things that we actually want to do. we we want to do them. We know that it's going to help. it's It's our brains talking us out of it. So what are the ways we can kind of just help, help make it easier, help it make it more fun, enjoyable, so that we can live and enjoy the life that we want to. 01:05:37.02 nextlevelguypodcast And you've mean this book, you've you really are open. You're vulnerable. You're honest. you You cover a wide range of areas. 01:05:47.74 nextlevelguypodcast And you you know he really like cut the knife in some areas. like You really kind of go in deep in how you're feeling and a lot of things that will relate to people. 01:06:00.54 nextlevelguypodcast But how did writing the book change you, do you think? Did it help you come to terms with events? Did it help you look back now? Are you kind of understanding? And how are you on your own journey of discovery? Because I feel like I've been doing this for 10 years now, and I still have no idea of where I'm going. But if I look back at the former Ian, I would not recognize him. 01:06:23.45 nextlevelguypodcast But I know I've still got so much more work to do. How has it changed you, especially writing in the book, Did it help come to terms with some of this? 01:06:36.73 Sam Eaton it umold Yeah, it was. is' I don't love writing books like that's probably not something an author should say, but like it is exhausting. Like you just stare at a screen for hours and hours and hours a day for months on end. And then somebody tells you like, oh, yeah, this is OK. Or, yeah, that's not so good. And then you basically rewrite the whole thing again. um But what I really like about the You Can Do This book is that it made me look at what are the seven core practices that i that have helped me be more recklessly alive. 01:07:07.90 nextlevelguypodcast Thank you. 01:07:08.84 Sam Eaton We've talked about a lot of them already today, but it's bold action. What are those things that you want to do that you're not doing that are keeping you stuck? It's self-talk. We talked about the way that you are speaking in your brain. Are you being a good cheerleader? 01:07:23.86 Sam Eaton self-worth. How do you feel about yourself? You know, and that's a tricky one. We haven't talked a lot about that today, maybe next time. But do you at the end of the day, like, how do you feel about yourself? And how do you feel about are you worthy of love and and kindness and friendship just the way that you are? that That's a tough one. Yeah. 01:07:44.28 Sam Eaton purpose, you know, what is your purpose in life? Why are you here? What are you doing? You know, what is your connection to the world around you are you? Are you making a difference? I happen to think we're here on purpose for a purpose. And I think we get to figure that out as we go. I kind of stumbled into mine as like trying to help people and through my pain, I think that can be a great place to start. But I think it's a lot of times depression or our mental health says like, you know, nobody will miss us when we're gone. Our life doesn't matter. And that's that's just not true at all. Like we absolutely are things that we can do to to make the world a better place while we're here and and actually makes us feel more alive, too. Those other things are self-care. um 01:08:25.75 Sam Eaton A lot of people think self-care is just like a bubble bath, but it's actually like, what do I need today to feel best about myself? 01:08:27.56 nextlevelguypodcast you 01:08:31.35 Sam Eaton And sometimes that is relaxation. But if you have a to-do list of 87 things, sitting in a bath for three hours is actually the opposite. Like now you're just avoiding what's actually going to help you feel better. 01:08:41.82 Sam Eaton so So learning what are those things that I need to to feel my best. And then the last one is connection. Like we all need people. we can fight against it, especially if you've been hurt a lot. It's easy to say, I don't need people. I'm a loner. I'm all, um I'm all by myself. Um, but we're, we're a species that's designed to be in community, to be in a tribe. Um, that's just the way that we're built and it doesn't have to be a lot of people. In fact, I, I like to keep my circle pretty small. I know a lot of people and I have a lot of acquaintances and I, and I keep my close people very close and they know everything. i can tell them everything they can tell me, but that's, that's how I do connection best. And, um, 01:09:20.31 Sam Eaton And I avoided that for a long time. so So what I like about this book is it forced me to finally sit down and go, okay, what are those seven things? And then I was able to kind of think of the stories and the lessons that I've learned. Because again, when you're stuck, it can feel so overwhelming. It's like, where do you even start? Like, how do I even do self-care today? I can't even get out of bed, right? And so And the hope was, all right, here's here's 10 years of me trying and failing at a lot of this. And then now I'm just going to hand it to you and say, all right, you at least get to start here. Like I started way back here with nobody telling me these things. And at least I can give you, you know, 13 weeks of of a few ideas to to help you get a little faster start. 01:10:00.86 nextlevelguypodcast that's how I did truly love it because it was thought it wasn't just like a read it okay and remember it. yeah that's it It was read it. Here's how I did it. 01:10:11.38 nextlevelguypodcast Here's what I suggest. Here's what's going to work. And then you go, okay, what can I do from then on? How can I then go and become better and then take the 13 weeks journey how can i do go with do these things along with you know it was like a build your own adventure in a way it was like doesn't matter what level you're starting at it was you can do this and improve this area you can do this and improve that area it wasn't just like a okay go and go out and talk to a girl 01:10:45.44 nextlevelguypodcast you're maybe not even able to step through into a club, but you were going, here's what to do if you want to do that. 01:10:45.76 Sam Eaton Mm-hmm. 01:10:51.54 nextlevelguypodcast Here's how to do this. And here's how to then, if you make a mistake, fine. Here's how to do if you feel bad. And I did love that about the book was it was supportive, no matter what level you want and what you're wanting from your goals. 01:11:04.66 nextlevelguypodcast What does living reckless look like to somebody regardless of how they come? What would do you want them to read the book and by the end of it, of the 13 weeks, to say to you? 01:11:17.88 nextlevelguypodcast How would you want to see them different? How would you want them to feel? Emotions, physically, how they approach life? Or is it too personal, that a journey for them? 01:11:31.26 Sam Eaton Ultimately, i want everybody to have the happy and peaceful life that they want to enjoy and what whatever that looks like for them. i named this whole movement Recklessly Alive because I want people to enjoy being alive. like you know I was a few seconds away from from taking my own life. i I truly thought there would never be another single day worth living, and I was so wrong. like I've still had plenty of hard days, but I've had so many days where I just go, 01:12:01.02 Sam Eaton oh wow, I i almost missed this. It's like I spent six weeks on a with a band of musicians playing all over Zimbabwe and Africa. That was 18 months after my attempt. I'm like on this safari and ah we went to Victoria Falls, which is one of the seven natural wonders of the world. It's like waterfall as far as your eye can see. It's like the earth just fell away. And I sat and I was just crying. I was like, man, I i almost missed this. i I can't believe I almost missed this. And so for me, it's it's making what choice is going to make you feel most alive. and And you have to decide that for yourself, right? It's like, you can stand on the sidelines of your life and and make a million excuses about why you can't or the bad hand that you were dealt or, or the reason that you are the way that you are. And that was me, I get it, I get it so hard, because that was me for so long. And at some point, it's like, 01:12:54.03 Sam Eaton There's so much more. There's so much more. And there'll still be hard days. But man, life life can get better. At the end of the day, i hope everybody listening just hears deep, deep that no matter what you're going through, there's help and there's hope. And there there is a way through it. And let let my story be the proof that you can do it too. You can do it too. It won't be easy. 01:13:16.45 Sam Eaton There's going to be plenty of failure along the way. You're going to slip up. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to have relapses back into your old way of being. But you just do one little thing each day. Each day you just get 1% better. Just keep trying. And someday you'll wake up and and you'll be like, wow, I can't believe how far I've come. 01:13:35.63 nextlevelguypodcast that's definitely something I took from the book was you can, no matter where you're starting, you can improve in all areas of your life and it is doable. You can do it. 01:13:47.00 nextlevelguypodcast And when I just, I kept remembering that in my head going, I can't do this. I can, you know, so now whenever I'm counting something that comes into my head and I'm like, 01:13:57.59 nextlevelguypodcast okay, and then I remember some of the affirmations come in, and now I remember, okay, a story that you've mentioned, and then I link to one of my stories, and I go, okay, this is how I'm going to do this. This is how i'm going to tackle this. And it is definitely this... 01:14:13.78 nextlevelguypodcast It's like a way of opening up life again when we're at maybe the lowest point in the world. You have this and ah naturally easy way of just motivating, of inspiring, and the world is a much better place with you in it. And the fact that you're now able to turn your pain into purpose, helping so many other people find theirs and live their version of their best life, it is phenomenal. 01:14:41.23 nextlevelguypodcast And I know we've kind of bounced around. I didn't want to go too much into the book because there's just so much. I thought that will go down in a rabbit hole and we'll be like five podcasts worth. 01:14:52.02 nextlevelguypodcast But how would you want people to use it going forward? How would you want them to to be part of this journey? What do you want them to remember from this conversation? 01:15:12.76 Sam Eaton I it's so life just can be so painful. It's, it's really hard. Like no one really told me how much simply simply being alive could hurt. 01:15:23.93 Sam Eaton Um, And if that's anybody who's listening, i just i just need you to hear my voice to say like that won't always be the case. That absolutely will not always be the case. um And so the hope is that the book, A, it can just be used however they they want to be. They want to use it. There's no perfect way to do any of it. um But I hope at the end of the day, it just feels like a friend. 01:15:48.47 Sam Eaton who will just come sit with you for a couple minutes each day, just share a little bit of what they've experienced and just keep telling you that that quiet voice that says, you know what, you can do this. Yeah, it's hard. Like, I know you're scared to walk into that gym. I know you're scared to apply for that job. I know that this divorce is really hard and really messy, but you can do this. You can. 01:16:13.02 Sam Eaton You are stronger than you know. you ah you are so much more capable than you give yourself credit for. But sometimes in life, we just need someone else to remind us of that. And so that's what I hope my book is for them. 01:16:26.03 nextlevelguypodcast definitely and it will change lives it will make people happier and they will be that father figure that person that guides them that helps them that explains them and maybe stops them going down a path that they might regret or you know maybe it makes them gives them some sort of semblance of happiness in their life and you should be extremely proud of yourself for the work that you do How can people follow this journey? How can we but find you on social media? How can we buy the books? How can we just be involved in this phenomenal way of living that you're introducing? 01:17:03.32 Sam Eaton So everything that I do is called Recklessly Alive. We're recklesslyalive.com, at recklesslyalive on Instagram and TikTok. The new book is called You Can Do This by Sam Eaton. It'll be available everywhere that they sell books, audiobook and ebook as well. April twenty eighth it comes out, 01:17:23.15 nextlevelguypodcast Powerful. well