00:00:00.35 nextlevelguypodcast we'll put all the music and all that kind of stuff in so there's no gotchas there's no worries we can take stuff out later on we can redo answers you can swear you can go off for the toilet you can you're the star i'm just the weird guy asking questions um and if there's something that you're not happy to do later even if it's couple days down the line week whatever let me know and it'll come out um but time is there anything else you need to know have you how long have you got 00:00:09.40 Izzie na 00:00:27.54 Izzie um i've got something else at two so i've got plenty of time yeah 00:00:32.77 nextlevelguypodcast Perfect. Well, I'll try not to waffle as much as I normally do. ah But thank you so much for coming on. It's a joy. I'm a major fan of your podcast. I listen to nearly your entire back hat look. But for people who don't recognize the amazing self as you, how would you introduce yourself to my audience? 00:00:53.82 Izzie When I first started this work, i thought about what it is I do. And I tried to find the words to sum it up, not try and pick a title that I thought sounded cool, but just like, what is it I do? 00:01:06.97 Izzie and how can I describe that? And the term that I landed on was a mindset strategist. So you can have like a business strategist, you can, strategies of all kinds of things, people that help you to create a strategy to achieve something. And that's what I do. 00:01:22.97 Izzie with people's minds. So whatever it is they're wanting to achieve confidence, um, more peace in their life. Um, whether it's actually a goal to sort of move, move jobs, lose weight, whatever it is, a lot of that starts within the mind. Um, so I describe myself as a mindset strategist, helping people to more often than not, it's to feel better far more than they already do. Um, feel like their best self, which whatever that looks like, whatever they want that to look like more of the time. 00:01:52.50 nextlevelguypodcast Because most mindset coaches are these kind of like self-improvement gurus and like you know these kind of like the the cheaper versions of what you do. They come in and they talk about confidence, success, motivation and goals. But your catalog keeps going to like deeper themes. So you do like identity, self-talk, emotional recovery, behavior change. 00:02:12.28 nextlevelguypodcast you know They just talk about confidence where you talk about actually creating a better relationship with yourself. Yeah. 00:02:18.25 Izzie Mm-hmm. 00:02:18.46 nextlevelguypodcast Do you think that's fair that you you've actually kind of figured out what people truly want, not just the buzzwords? 00:02:26.49 Izzie Yeah, I think a lot of people deal with the surface level problems and the symptoms. So they think like some people will come to me and say um they have a confidence issue or they don't have a, that they're they're not motivated enough and they they pick out this thing that they think is the problem. 00:02:43.83 Izzie But, or so ah some people even come and they're like, just my life is a total mess. I'm i'm struggling here. i'm struggling there. And they think that they've got so many different challenges and they're too overwhelmed to even know where to start. But actually most of the time, the root cause covers all of those challenges and actually where we can look at, okay, what's actually the root of all of these challenges? If you resolve that and solve that, everything else would go away. And so a lot of people deal with these symptoms and try to fix individual things. 00:03:17.98 Izzie But then something else will pop up somewhere else or that initial challenge will come back because they haven't dealt with whether it's that identity piece or general, just how are you feeling when you wake up in the morning, you dread it. How are you talking to yourself? A lot of it comes back to internal language. Um, and, and that has this ripple effect out onto their relationship, their kids, um, their work. So it's really like, if I want to make a big impact with somebody, 00:03:44.46 Izzie that's long lasting, why deal with the symptoms? I want to go right to the actual route so we can fix the actual problem so that then everything's easier from there. So it requires a little bit more work and who knows, possibly a little bit more pain, I don't know, in having those conversations, but um the outcome is much more what they want. 00:04:04.34 nextlevelguypodcast So would it be a case of like, because you've done episodes on confidence, self-worth, identity, all these kinds things. Is it that these are all the same problem wearing different clothes? 00:04:15.87 nextlevelguypodcast Are we not tackling, like you're saying, are we tackling the symptoms and not the actual illness problem main source of our brain? 00:04:25.50 Izzie Yeah, I think a lot of the times we are, and we're also very reactive. So it's like i you um get a cold, you take some cough medicine, whereas and that's what the NHS does incredibly well. They help to fix people. But what I'm interested in is if you don't want to catch a cold again, let's make sure you're wearing the coat every day. um But it's it's a lot more realistic than that because these are small things you can do proactively, not just when you're feeling rubbish, but doing the work when you're feeling good consistently, that's what makes that long lasting change um rather than just, oh, okay, I've got a interview coming up. What can I do to to pet myself up for that or feel better after it? No, like let's work on your general confidence. How do you genuine generally feel about yourself? 00:05:20.95 Izzie how are you talking to yourself? Because if you're talking to yourself in a way that is uplifting and um your general attitude towards life is in a good place, you don't, you much less need that pep talk or that sympathy or that support after it, because you've got that, it's not even armor. 00:05:39.05 Izzie Cause that sounds quite defensive, but the stability is like, you've got abs, 00:05:47.68 nextlevelguypodcast I wish I did. 00:05:49.34 Izzie you don't need the doctor after it's cause you've been able, you've been strong from your core um in a really healthy way. i hope that resonates. 00:05:58.00 nextlevelguypodcast No, it certainly does, because what i did like was how you're very open and honest and in your show about how you had your own breakup, which caused a lot of effects. And it's so refreshing to hear a host say, I struggle with this. I don't know. I'm learning. I'm growing. ah you know a lot of people just ignore their wounds, their heart, their pain. But you just openly say... 00:06:21.45 nextlevelguypodcast Hey, I'm learning from this. What did it teach you? And what did you find underneath that? Was there a part of your identity that you lost that, and looking back now, you're glad you did? 00:06:33.02 Izzie Yeah, well, through the breakup. um I think what that taught me in the the years afterwards was that I'd always tried to find safety in somebody else. Um, so growing, I grew up in quite a violent household. Um, and I think I'd say that my mum was my safety net net there. I felt somewhat safe because she was there. um and then throughout school, like looking back now, it all makes sense. I was really trying to find a best friend. I didn't want loads of friends. just wanted one person that got me, understood me and I felt safe around. Um, and then as I got older, that transferred into 00:07:08.25 Izzie wanting a partner, possessed with finding my person, loved romance stuff, and just really wanted to find my person. So when I thought that I had, and then that all came crashing down, and I realised I'd been with somebody who had been the opposite of loyal, it just, it's it it's like, um you know, sometimes if you're not going to make the change yourself, you need to be shown your worst nightmare to then actually realize you need to make a change. And i didn't make that change for a while because I felt really sorry for myself. Um, but then once I did this whole self-discovery piece, I realized that I've been trying to find that safety in everyone else. And I could actually find that in myself. And it was when I started to find safety, pride, respect, trust, and friendship and love within myself that I, 00:08:04.22 Izzie knew that no matter what came my way, I would be okay because I had myself. And when you're, you know, you are the person that you're with for your entire life. You can't run away from yourself. You are always with yourself. And so realizing that I need to, I need to like this person because even if I do have a partner, they could pass away and they will pass away or I might pass away first. Who knows my family, there's going time where they're no longer there. I need to have again, this, this strong core within myself where I don't need anybody. And then from that things just flourished. i 00:08:43.46 Izzie found a purpose and was confident in that purpose because I believed in myself. I eventually found somebody who had done this work on themselves and we began relationship, which I'm still in today for not half, five years later, where we're in a place where we don't need each other, but we enjoy each other's company and we want to be together. And that is so different from anything else I had where I felt like I needed that friend, I needed that partner. um So yeah, it really shone a light on habits and behaviors I didn't know I had. um 00:09:16.09 Izzie And I'm so grateful for it, even though at the time it felt like the worst thing that had ever happened. 00:09:23.05 nextlevelguypodcast ah It sounds silly to say I love that, but I know what you mean. It's thought is like the universe says, Luke, you're not listening to this message I'm giving you. I need to i need you to do like to become the person I want you to be. 00:09:31.84 Izzie Mm-hmm. 00:09:36.48 nextlevelguypodcast And I always thought this was kind of like hokey nonsense. when i And then I kind of started seeing it as like, oh, I am trying to find a missing piece and so by someone else and it's all within me. And when I'm truly happy and making friends is I'm doing this and i've got the passion projects, I'm great. But if I feel lonely, oh, I can be the end of the world and I can lose myself. 00:10:01.95 nextlevelguypodcast How did you start even pulling yourself out of that dark place to do these things? Was it literally just speaking to people, joining groups? what How did you get into that? 00:10:13.21 Izzie yeah I think that's really good what you've just mentioned about how you feel though because I think if you're listening to this and you're like oh that would be nice and I would I don't really know what that's going to be be like. And it sounds woo woo. I'm far from woo woo. I ground everything in science. And so all I would say is it's a feeling. 00:10:37.50 Izzie If you feel so disconnected from yourself, it's very difficult to know what this feeling is like. And so you've got to start doing the things to just practice, experience the feeling. if you don't like it, if you don't like feeling connected to yourself, that's fine. 00:10:50.14 Izzie But from my experience and those I've spoken to, it's a really empowering feeling. it's It's incredible where you feel firm and confident, you know, suffice to have so many regrets over how I'd been. And so the fact that I can sit here and that i could, I couldn't even scroll back through my photo album from uni where maybe I'd had a bit too much to drink or I just, i just couldn't look back because I felt shame over how I'd been. So definitely not always been the greatest, nicest person. um And now I can, and that is huge. And it's because 00:11:21.98 Izzie ah like self-acceptance you you can't just accept yourself as you are right now because you could accept how you are now but feel really horrible about who you were self-acceptance and feeling good in yourself has to include the past present and future so knowing that challenges will come in the future but you have got what you need to be able to get get through it and you will be okay even if they don't go as well as you want them to in the present, you know, knowing that you might fail, but you've tried your best, it's okay. And the past, being able to realize that 00:11:57.24 Izzie everything that you did, you you've done, everything that anyone's done, they did because it felt right in the moment. where You know, simple things like when you ate two pizzas after a night out, in the moment, it felt like the best thing to do. 00:12:02.65 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 00:12:08.68 Izzie So you can you can't berate yourself. You can only use that to make changes in the future. um You know, even if, i I find that sometimes with this, it's best to go to the small examples, but also the most extreme. 00:12:22.97 Izzie a serial killer, they're a serious that They kill people because to them, it makes sense. In that moment, it's the right thing to do. I'm not saying it's okay. I'm saying there's there's definitely something not quite right upstairs. 00:12:36.06 Izzie But it feels right in the moment. That's not to say that you should never feel bad, like, you know, apologize for things. and But acceptance is like, okay, this has happened. I've done this in the past. 00:12:46.57 Izzie I've got to move on. So I bring that up because when you can get to that place, or at least ah part of that place where you accept yourself, that feeling is so so freeing, but it requires that little bit of pain to look at those pictures, remember those instances and say to yourself, i I did the best I could and work through those different examples in your life and help yourself get to that, that peace with it um 00:13:17.08 Izzie So again, I mentioned that because it might feel really far away or feel like something that you can't experience, but you can, just requires this, this, this process of give it a try. So what I did was um the thing that always sticks out, you know, I was in quite ah a challenging place after the breakup for quite a while. um I soon after lost my job um unfairly. I went to the gym so much that I ended up um losing my period. So I got really quite unhealthy. I lost friends. It just, I felt like all aspects of my life were crumbling. 00:13:53.46 Izzie um but one thing that really stands out as being part of the the change was I heard Vex King share on a podcast. He said, nothing is, and nothing comes with a label of positive or negative. It only gets that label when you label it as positive or negative. And so I thought, okay, evidently I've been labeling a lot of things as negative. um let's see what happens if I just start trying to label things as positive or play with the idea of what if they were good things and that playing with this idea of what if it's not so bad, what if this could bring me a positive in the future? I don't know for certain, but playing with this idea of things being good was, I would say what started that, that journey. um 00:14:38.87 Izzie Yeah. 00:14:41.71 nextlevelguypodcast I'm really impressed with that because I'm going through similar at the minute. you know i'm kind of I have these phases of like intense, amazing work, and then I'll come in and go, oh, remember that bad thing you did 20 years ago? Remember the crap that you did? in on your You suddenly start ri ripping yourself apart, the regrets, the pain, the misery, you know, like, oh, the ex-girlfriend and, oh, I want her back, I want this back. And you kind of go do I really? And then you kind of switch back into the other version of yourself. And we're never taught how to fix that. 00:15:13.07 Izzie No. 00:15:13.22 nextlevelguypodcast I mean, I i remember interviewing a guy called Brent Smith. He's a lifestyle coach. And he said, you can change your story at any point. You can just literally say, right, that's not me anymore. And you don't need to stay true to this version of yourself or this version of the story you tell yourself. And that was life-changing to me because I remember thinking I couldn't just change. And he said, what's holding you back? What's stopping you? 00:15:35.97 nextlevelguypodcast You decide this is now my story. You can change yourself. And just the fact someone said that to me, And then I remember reading something on regret. I can't think who it was. And they said it was something like, you know, you do what you did with the what you knew for the best at that moment. 00:15:53.37 Izzie Yeah. 00:15:54.85 nextlevelguypodcast um And of its much the actual original quote is much better. And it was kind of like, oh, right. It was like they gave you the freedom. Was it that VEX interview that you just went, okay, or were you leaning towards fixing yourself at that point, you know where you try to pull yourself back into who you were, find your identity again? 00:16:15.67 Izzie Yeah, i I think I'm really passionate about making sure people don't think that there's going to be a light bulb moment where everything changes because um I think I thought that for quite a while. My parents also, well, my mum brought me up Christian and I went to a few um sort of Christian weekends and people would stand on the stage and say that, share this one moment where they saw the light and it it made them fall in love with. And so you kind of think, okay, well I'm doomed until that happens to me And so that's why I'm quite cautious with that sort of vexing thing because yeah, you're absolutely right. Things were sort of in process just before that COVID happened and 00:16:54.99 Izzie I'd been some crazy toxic, but really not having behaviors that, that was great for me. I was going to the gym a lot to distract myself from how I was feeling when I was living in London before COVID. But during COVID I moved back home took with my mom and my sister, um, and you know, not, 00:17:13.98 Izzie not the greatest of of households. My sister can be quite challenging. um But it forced me to slow down a bit. I also had a manager who was really wonderful in helping me to start to realized that maybe I wasn't as awful as my previous manager who got me fired had kind of implied that I was. um I also found out that my ex had had moved on with somebody else. So that was a little bit of closure there. So it's all these like sort small things, but 00:17:45.82 Izzie If I hadn't have had the headspace of, okay, like enough now I want to feel better. i would have just focused on everything that was still bad in my life. So it did come with this sort of let's look forwards. 00:18:01.07 Izzie I'm fed up of feeling like a victim. I don't like this feeling. I want to feel, feel something better. So I think I was starting to explore what that might look like. And then when Bex King said that it just sort of clicked everything into place a bit more. 00:18:15.22 nextlevelguypodcast We have a very similar kind of like satu situation, you know and it's something I really struggle with. like I have OCD, I've got depression, I've got intrusive thoughts, and I kind of ruminate over and over. And you get to point where you're thinking, is this real? Is this just... ah a ritual a routine in my head or it is this how i'm remembering it to beat myself up or you know there's a lot people who are in that similar situation of they're blowing it way out of proportion in their head you know because it's a you can carry around the best friend in your head or you can carry around a prison that you can't escape how do we know when we've actually started losing o ourselves like how do we start abandoning ourselves without realizing it before we get to that point of total despair 00:18:37.71 Izzie Yeah. 00:18:48.76 Izzie yeah 00:19:00.25 Izzie Yeah, again, I think part of the the problem stems from it not being taught in schools at all. I think, um first of all, I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing things. I have a depression and it's that that thought of what's the point is something I would never, it's probably one of the worst places I could ever sort of wish for someone to be. And it's really difficult. um I would say that 00:19:27.45 Izzie Less about noticing it. Let's just move, like, move forwards now. Like, are you, at question one, are you feeling the way that you want to? Like, consistently? Okay, no. Okay. How do you want to feel? Pick one to three words. How do you want to feel? 00:19:44.02 Izzie most consistently. Or if you find that hard to say, how would you describe yourself when you feel your best? And you can imagine yourself as a six-year-old on your birthday, like how did that feel? Or Christmas Day, for me, my words are when I'm feeling my best, I am enthusiastic. Enthusiastic is my middle name. I'm also calm because if I'm just enthusiastic, it it's a bit too much. The calm is really important for me to feel grounded. And I'm bold. So i am or courageous, able to, to do things that are scary. those Those three things are how I want to feel. Okay. So you've admitted that you're not feeling the way that you want. You've admitted one to three words that describe how you want to feel. So I'd ask you, um how are three words or one to three words that describe how you want to feel? 00:20:34.94 nextlevelguypodcast happy content myself probably 00:20:38.37 Izzie yourself okay um so i would unpick i think happiness is quite a big word um sorry what does that actually feel like what does happiness feel like to you 00:20:48.89 nextlevelguypodcast that i've i've forgotten i feel like a shell of myself and i i think that's probably something that you get a lot in your retreats people saying i don't feel like myself and we don't even know who we are anymore? 00:20:58.23 Izzie hu 00:21:01.08 nextlevelguypodcast Like, how how would you start moving that into that? 00:21:05.30 Izzie Yeah. I mean, it sounds like maybe content and like alive. um Maybe two words that, you you know, we don't need three, just need need two. 00:21:13.75 nextlevelguypodcast ah Not being a spectator in your own life, probably. 00:21:14.35 Izzie um Yeah. Yeah. um I would then ask, okay, and some people might not have an answer to this and that's okay. what are some things that do make you feel even 10% of that feeling like content or um alive, present? 00:21:36.82 Izzie What would you say to that? 00:21:37.66 nextlevelguypodcast and Interviewing amazing people like yourself. yeah yeah 00:21:41.19 Izzie Oh, stop. So i I would start by thinking, okay, and trying to write a list of like, what are some things that help me feel this way? And it doesn't have to be like, oh and skydiving and something crazy. And if it is fine, but small things like I know that um something that makes me feel really cozy and content and calm is like making a coffee in the morning in a nice mug. 00:22:04.22 Izzie That's something being curled up on the sofa with a blanket over me. Those are some things that make me feel comfortable. calm and relaxed. visually forest being in a forest makes me helps me feel calm. 00:22:15.82 Izzie enthusiastic is you know, doing things that I am passionate about. So um talking like this kind of conversation that makes me feel enthusiastic thinking about sharing what I know with other people that makes me feel enthusiastic, bold, 00:22:26.55 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 00:22:31.58 Izzie to feel bold, i need to do things outside of my comfort zone. So it's starting to join the dots of, okay. And if you want to, you know, really, this is something we do at the retreat, really take ownership of this. 00:22:42.14 Izzie Ask yourself, what is the biggest belief that is causing me to feel this way? Like I'm worthless. I'm not enough, et cetera. Draw a stick man around the stick man, right? All of the habits, thoughts, behaviors, things that you say to yourself, things that you think first thing in the morning at the minute that contribute to that belief. 00:23:01.66 Izzie then look at that. Think those thoughts. Is it any surprise that you feel the way you do? No, not saying that it's your fault and that you're purposefully doing behaviors to make yourself feel depressed. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying that it's this moment of like, okay, hang on a minute. This, it if I gave a random person, all of these thoughts and behaviors, is it any surprise that they feel this way? No. Okay. What do I want to believe about myself? 00:23:27.42 Izzie And kind of making it somewhat truthful. So, um What would you, if you you don't have to share, what would you say as one of the, like, not so positive beliefs that you have about yourself? 00:23:38.84 nextlevelguypodcast Oh, definitely that I'm a spectator in life. that I'm not achieving anywhere close to what I'm close i'm but able to. And I'm just sitting watching life go by. 00:23:48.91 nextlevelguypodcast death When I'm really bad, that's I always feel like it's just, I'm just here and i what's the point? you know like i'm not I'm not living life. 00:23:57.79 Izzie Yeah. 00:23:59.57 nextlevelguypodcast I'm letting it go by. And I know so many other guys have said that to me as well, like about them themselves. 00:24:01.51 Izzie Mm. 00:24:04.82 Izzie Yeah. 00:24:05.50 nextlevelguypodcast that I know it's a major fault for a lot of people. 00:24:08.57 Izzie Yeah. And so what would you say is a belief that is sort of true, but you want to believe more? I can give an example if. 00:24:19.96 nextlevelguypodcast Probably. I mean, when I help people, I always feel more alive. But i mean, I've got the nice car, I've got the nice flat, and I'm just like, is this it? Is this, you know, I've got the nice job. 00:24:29.84 Izzie Hmm. 00:24:30.88 nextlevelguypodcast I'm like, is this really all life is? 00:24:33.71 Izzie Hmm. 00:24:33.73 nextlevelguypodcast And when it's external, it's dangerous because as soon as it changes, you're screwed. But I honestly don't know anymore. And I think we are all at that point now after COVID, we all don't know who we are, what we want. 00:24:48.19 nextlevelguypodcast And we're all just getting by. What would be an example that people have given 00:24:54.81 Izzie Yeah. So in terms of that, that positive belief, like um I can and do do good in the world. um i um 00:25:09.88 Izzie I am worth being here. and We don't, you know, what whatever that, whatever it is that you you want to feel. So I, um even if it's as simple as like, i cant I can be present in my own life. Like i I get, I'm the author of my own life, you know, whatever kind of words you want to use, it's up to you. and then you write that, put that at the top of another stick figure and write around Okay. Somebody who believes this, like I'm enough for instance, 00:25:36.82 Izzie what What thought would they think when they got out of bed in the morning? What behaviours would they have? What thoughts would they think? How would they feel about themselves? What would they think when they looked in the mirror? 00:25:48.63 Izzie And you start to paint a picture of, okay, what what would this person look like? And when you think those thoughts, you feel good. Like, I can make you feel um really calm right now. 00:25:59.74 Izzie by making you close your eyes and imagine yourself in the calmest place you've ever been in. I can make you feel really um over the moon right now by imagine it by closing your eyes and imagining that you have won the lottery. 00:26:11.58 Izzie or That might make you feel incredibly anxious. I can make you feel a wide range of emotions right now, simply by painting a different picture in your brain. 00:26:18.23 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 00:26:21.98 Izzie And this is the thing when we're we' were in this place like it feels like, no, this is my life. This is who I am. No, it's not. It is a result of your habits, but you're not even aware that you've made them. It's a result of you creating gradually, so gradually, a language in your mind. Every time you look at a picture and think, I look fat in that. Every time you look look back at a memory and think, oh God, what was I thinking then? Every time every time you say something nasty about yourself, you were growing this Bad belief stick man. And so you cannot become this other one. 00:26:58.71 Izzie If you don't start sort of becoming conscious of what you're saying to yourself and challenging it. I don't, I do not agree with standing in front of a mirror and saying affirmations. I'm beautiful when you don't feel that way. It's just never going to work. 00:27:11.26 Izzie But it's saying when you, um like I applied for a TED talk the other day, or like ah a while ago, and I found out a couple of days ago that I didn't get it. I didn't even get round get get to the second round. And I was so confident that I would be. Old me would have been like, there you go, there's proof that you're you're rubbish. 00:27:29.82 Izzie Now it's like, can't fight with the the reality. And I can say, well they don't know what they're missing. But I can say something more realistic, like evidently I wasn't meant to do it. if I was meant to do it, ah would have been picked for it. um 00:27:47.61 Izzie Maybe it just wasn't the right fit. You know, every TED talk has a theme. They prioritize people in the area. This was Aberdeen, I'm in Ayrshire. So it's not telling yourself a lie that you are, you are enough, you are contributing so much to this world. 00:28:02.91 Izzie Like you start small, start with something that your brain believes, but is more in the more positive direction than the negative one. So in terms of feeling like, you know, the way you described, what is one thing that is true about you that is more positive that you believe? 00:28:19.48 nextlevelguypodcast m That I definitely like helping people. the um 00:28:23.74 Izzie Yeah. 00:28:24.44 nextlevelguypodcast That every day I like. I always feel the happiest when I've helped somebody come in at the worst point and come out and leave feeling happy or achieving what they want. 00:28:35.96 nextlevelguypodcast is 00:28:36.02 Izzie Yeah, that's where it starts. 00:28:37.34 nextlevelguypodcast Is that enough? yeah or how Are you finding that people hold on to the excuses of why they can't change rather than try to find even that little slither of happiness or power in their lifetime? 00:28:50.68 Izzie I would say the people I can't work with are the people that don't want to change. um You've got to want, you've got to want to feel better. um and if you want to feel better, then I specialize in long lasting change. I've got no interest in making you feel happy for the afternoon or the weekend. It's long lasting and that's where it's small habits consistently. So, I have a four C's process to behavioral change and it it would just habit change. And it starts with becoming conscious, becoming conscious every time you say something nasty to yourself and being like, hang on a minute, even if you've just said it, like, oh, I'm such an idiot. 00:29:31.42 Izzie Is that, is that positive for you? Starting to question that is, what like I used to say, oh, I can't afford that. Even if I could, and I just didn't want to spend the money on it. I said, oh, I can't afford that don't have enough money for that. 00:29:43.03 Izzie And then I started catching myself being like hang on a minute. This is making me, putting me in a sense of lack, a state of I don't have enough for this. Let me challenge myself on that. 00:29:54.18 Izzie And I would say, oh yeah, internally I'd say, can afford that. I just don't want to right now. I am now in the power position. I'm not convincing myself that 00:30:02.57 nextlevelguypodcast Take control of the situation. Yeah. 00:30:04.57 Izzie Yeah. And it's true. Like, okay, if the Ferrari, like, no, but is this not really relevant to my life right now? um And so it starts with the first C, check, consciousness, becoming aware of when you are berating yourself when and thinking, and then secondly, next step is challenge, check, challenge. 00:30:26.04 Izzie Is this actually helpful for me right now? You can help more people if you if you are in a place of strength and happiness. So it actually doesn't serve anyone else for you to beat yourself down. 00:30:38.55 Izzie And so it's like, okay, I've just said this negative thing about myself. I'm aware of that I've just said it. Is it resourceful? No. Okay. Step four, step three, change, check, challenge, change. What can I change this to? If you can't think of a positive alternative, just distract yourself from the thought. That's a good, it's a fine place to start. 00:30:58.23 Izzie But if you can say, um, you say you've just messed something up or you're struggling with something rather than saying, I can't do it. I'm finding it challenging. It's just these slight different changes in, in, in your words. If you are a nail biter, you're aware that your nails are in your mouth. You challenge it. Is this useful? Do I want to be doing this? No change is obviously taking them out the mouth. So it works for overthinking. It works for, for all these different areas. 00:31:22.74 Izzie And the last C is charge. You won't get into a habit of this if you don't keep on that process process. So I used to break myself all the time. 00:31:32.84 Izzie used to call myself horrible things. I used to view my life as not great. 00:31:35.35 nextlevelguypodcast All right. 00:31:37.36 Izzie Now I physically can't say a bad thing about myself because i I'm not egotistical or arrogant. But I know that telling myself I'm an idiot or I'm um X, Y, and z isn't useful for me. It's not helpful. It doesn't make me a nicer person to other people. It doesn't make me more confident. doesn't, you know, I love watching like murder documentaries, but I know that they don't make me feel good. So it's this constant, and and when I'm not feeling good, I'm not, 00:32:07.48 Izzie better with my partner, I'm not as good with my clients. How do you want to feel? What makes you feel that way? More importantly, what doesn't make you feel that way? And it's just trying to lean more towards the things that do make you feel good. 00:32:20.57 Izzie And it starts small. It starts with becoming even just conscious that you've done something that doesn't help. So like the rest of this day, when you notice that you've said something or thought something nasty about yourself, ask yourself, is this useful? 00:32:31.08 nextlevelguypodcast Thank you. 00:32:34.23 Izzie And even if you just did that, is this useful? Not, is this true? Is this useful? You probably find yourself, you say no, and you so gradually stop doing it even without the challenge bit at the, the change bit, just challenging it will help you to realize that, you know kind of what you're doing. That's not serving you. 00:32:54.10 nextlevelguypodcast Wow. and that That's a fantastic act. And I can honestly say 100% they have do not know what they're missing out on, not having you do a TED Talk, because but that is life-changing to so many people. 00:33:02.78 Izzie yeah 00:33:05.93 nextlevelguypodcast and I was sitting listening to it going, even in my head, I was just got i could feel that voice in my head going, yeah, but but but but you know try to find that. And so many people will be sitting there going, 00:33:18.33 nextlevelguypodcast okay, I can do that. But it's catching that moment into it when you're going into your autopilot kind of feelings of, well, you know, your brain is just throwing bias at you because it's saying, you want to think about this, so I'll find reasons why. 00:33:31.57 Izzie Yeah. 00:33:32.23 nextlevelguypodcast How do we... 00:33:32.95 Izzie Yeah. Cause it wants to, sor it wants to like, um it wants you to be aware of your your fault so you can sort of yeah. 00:33:33.53 nextlevelguypodcast out 00:33:41.83 Izzie is Your brain's like a weird, weird place. It thinks it's helping you, but it's not. So when you become aware that you've thought something um negative about yourself, a really great way of challenging it is just to follow it up with, but or, and so um like, oh, you messed up on that. 00:33:59.13 Izzie But, I've learned what not to do next time. Even if you're sarcastic with it, honestly, at the retreats, a lot of people, once I teach this stuff, so start being really silly and sarcastic with it. Like um they'll say, um oh, it's raining, but at least plants get watered. And I'm personally not offended by that because it's part of the process. 00:34:20.69 Izzie Have, like play with it, be silly about it. That will still do the work. are starting to train your brain to to do things differently. um And if you have a say a negative, follow up with a but and say the good, and then follow it up with a but that's negative, just don't let yourself get that far. 00:34:36.78 nextlevelguypodcast Thank you. 00:34:37.32 Izzie Do the negative, follow up with the but say the positive and then distract yourself run from that thought. Just not letting the negative have the last word it's kind of is gonna help so much. 00:34:49.61 nextlevelguypodcast So then are things like jealousy, burnout, like true self-hatred and these sort of things, are these really separate problems? Or are we going back to like at the start where they are the underlying issue? 00:35:02.35 Izzie Mm-hmm. 00:35:03.78 nextlevelguypodcast They're just the symptoms that come in off this that we've taught ourselves to be negative, to be self-hatred and that. And we just need to figure out how to like revamp this to check, check challenge, change, et cetera. 00:35:18.74 Izzie I would say those sorts of feelings are just signals. You have emotions because they're signals because back in the day, you know, you don't have fight or flight without panic first. You know, if you, if you, and so all of these feelings, jealousy, okay. 00:35:28.17 nextlevelguypodcast All right. 00:35:33.32 Izzie Like if you take it back to evolution, like, um, if you're, um, 00:35:41.94 Izzie like mate went off for someone else. That means you can't continue the bloodluck, you know? And so all of these feelings, jealousy, grief, they' They're so, burnout, they are signals. 00:35:54.38 Izzie They are useful signals. Just because I've done all this work doesn't mean I don't feel uncomfortable emotions. I feel nervous before I'm speaking on a stage. I feel, I i would probably feel jealous if I saw my partner flirting with somebody else. 00:36:07.54 Izzie I absolutely would. I would feel panic if someone tried to push me off a cliff. 00:36:09.17 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 00:36:12.65 Izzie They're all useful feelings. But if you don't listen to them and you don't learn from them and unpick them, that's where you know you're not getting the the learning from them and it will just carry on it'll keep shouting at you and like depression is in my personal opinion and have as someone who has personally experienced it and knows what it's like to have that veil in front of your eyes like almost tracing paper over your eyes we can't quite see clearly you're like you do feel like a spectator you feel completely like disconnected from everything and and everything else 00:36:44.49 Izzie that depression, as far as I've seen it and understood and experienced it is at its simplest lack of purpose. You're standing in a tunnel that is dark and you don't know which way to go or why you're even walking in that direction. And so you don't necessarily need a lifelong mission and lifelong purpose to get out of there. You just need to create a light at the end of the tunnel. 00:37:09.88 Izzie You know, it depends how, how serious it is. You know, if, It it could even be like, okay, I'm going to book in a um call with my mum or my sister at the end of each month and I have to get to that phone call at the end of each month or the end of each week. 00:37:26.05 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 00:37:26.18 Izzie You can make it as small as you want or it can be like, I'm going to book a trip and I have to get to that trip at the end of the year. like um or um I want to hit... oh, God, you've got so many episodes, so I don't know how many, but say I want to hear 300 episodes and I'm currently on 260. 00:37:41.95 Izzie Okay, that's my goal. And that's, even if you don't really know why you're working towards it, you just have something that you're set towards and that gives your brain, it it starts to undermine that depression and then lack that lack of what's the point, because you now have something that you're aiming towards. 00:37:57.46 Izzie I've completely forgotten the question you asked me, but that's for my answer. I rather do what... 00:38:02.19 nextlevelguypodcast no I have that effect that a lot of people, they kind of just go into touch and they go, I know you've asked me 15 questions rolled into one. And it's like, yeah, we'll go with that. up Because that's something I've always been interested in is that when you start challenging people and you say, but what about, or, you know, ah I've heard this in a podcast, people go, oh, yeah, you could do that, but I couldn't. 00:38:24.90 nextlevelguypodcast what What do you find when you come to retreats? 00:38:26.28 Izzie Yeah. 00:38:27.82 nextlevelguypodcast Because you've got an episode that's literally entitled, Do You Know What You Need To Do? When you say to somebody, and well, this can apply to you too. This is how you easy to change. We can find that's one good thing you're doing or whatever. 00:38:39.36 nextlevelguypodcast How do you find people bounce that back to you and go, no, no, it's not me. No, definitely not. they are they They immediately shut down and they go, that you get the the the you know that panic breath and the the They almost want to talk you out of being positive to them. 00:38:51.35 Izzie yeah 00:38:56.57 nextlevelguypodcast How do you find that with people? How do you start going through that with people where they think it's fine for everybody else but them? 00:39:02.62 Izzie Yeah, most people think that they're going to be different and it's not going to work on them. um And so things that I will say is, one, we're not we're we're dealing with science. like You might have a slightly different brain. you know have I work with people with neurodiversity, like all different kinds of brains i I work with. But at their core, they function pretty much the same way. um you know Even if you're on medication, if you've got severe mental health issues, at the core, they pretty much function the same way with a few slight differences. And so... 00:39:31.80 Izzie It doesn't matter what you think. i and i understand your brain. So like you might not believe in your um you like your personality and your identity, but I believe in your brain to operate pretty similarly to everyone are other human brains. 00:39:48.29 Izzie And so what we're doing is science. 00:39:48.97 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 00:39:50.65 Izzie It's to do with your neurons and how... your neural wiring operates and we are we're looking at that and shifting it in another direction. So I know that it will work and that's why I find explaining the science to people helps them. I won't go fully into it here. And it's really basic science. It's, is that simple case of what you focus on, you get more of you, you focus on things that piss you off, you're going to feel pissed off, focus on things that make you feel happy, you're going to feel happy. its And then the more you do that, you don't have to turn your head in that direction. You, you automatically do it. It's an autopilot. 00:40:23.19 Izzie So that's the first thing. Second thing, the tools that I give people are really simple, really easy to do. I'm really passionate about things being sustainable, otherwise, what's the point and being part of your lifestyle. So there's no seven step morning routine. There's just a few questions to ask yourself morning and night usually. 00:40:42.97 Izzie to point your brain in the direction that you wanna go in. And so I say to people who are really overthinking it, just be a robot, be a robot and just do, do what I've i've said. You don't have to believe it's gonna work. You don't have to like it You don't have to believe that you are capable of change. Just do these things. 00:41:00.44 Izzie And your brain will take care of the rest. Science will take care of the rest. This is how how it works. And then lastly, you know, I will share examples of people who've been in the exact same situation or worse situations and have achieved this change. But usually they still think that it won't work for them. 00:41:19.82 nextlevelguypodcast Well, love that because that's what I really like about your show, especially because it gives people actual tactics to use. You know, you're not just saying we're in the clouds and everything's going fine. 00:41:30.07 nextlevelguypodcast You just go, here's five steps. Because I've i've tried talk therapy and I found you just, it's great at first because you kind of get an insight into your own kind of, in i would I want to say internal madness. 00:41:34.87 Izzie Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 00:41:41.40 nextlevelguypodcast But, you know, you start seeing it from somebody else's viewpoint and realize how, batshit crazy you've made it compared to what it actually is. But then you keep it alive by continuously talking about it. And then I found like neuro-linguistic programming, cognitive behaviour therapy. And I was like, these are life-changing. 00:41:58.61 nextlevelguypodcast But I really like your stuff because it's straightforward. Just it's almost like you're trying to help people become a scientist. You know, just do it, analyze the data. Don't think about it, don't overanalyze, just do it and become happy. 00:42:12.15 nextlevelguypodcast are there what Are there tools that you think that everybody, no matter their situation, would come best at, like the four Cs? Is there anything that you think if every guy listening, every girl listening did it, that they could get a slither of happiness, of light into their dark place? 00:42:28.92 Izzie Yeah. I would say... like the journal prompts of the things that i come back to. Whatever you think about journaling and stuff, this is this is different. Maybe i need to come up with a different term so there's not those preconceptions, but they're just questions you're going to ask yourself in the morning and at night, and they're covering the past, present, future. So all the aspects I described earlier is you need to feel good in. Usually we wake up in the morning feeling anxious about the day, not wanting to go to work, not wanting to do x y and Z, thinking, oh, this is going to be so long, and maybe thinking about things yesterday that we didn't like. 00:43:04.44 Izzie So if everybody just woke up, first of all, took like even just two minutes for themselves to be like, hey, Izzy, I write down my journal, like, good morning, beautiful. It's like, I'm not saying you should do that because it's probably going to feel really weird for you. But we say hello to everyone else. We get on with our day. We don't give ourselves a time of day. Just say, just say good morning to yourself. it's going to feel weird. But how can you expect to feel connected to yourself if you don't even acknowledge yourself in the morning? 00:43:32.47 Izzie So it's like, okay, like we're here for another day, then you're going to ask yourself, um how do you want to feel today? So you you can write, I'd recommend writing it down. But if you don't have time for that, or you don't want to do on your notes page in your phone, just do it in your head if you really want to, I would recommend putting it down, whether in your phone on paper, but let's do small steps here. How do you want to feel? One to three words. How do you want to feel? if you don't know how you want to feel, how can you hope to feel that? And when you ask yourself, how do I want to feel? And you say, I want to feel calm. 00:44:04.98 Izzie Your body knows what calm feels like. So automatically it feels just that little bit calmer. You will feel that shift in your body. Just like if you said, I want to feel angry, or I want to feel anxious. 00:44:15.61 Izzie You will instantly sort of feel that feeling a little bit more. So you want to feel? I'm going to ask um three things that you, even just one thing, for starting really small, one thing that you're grateful for and why. It's easy to list off like, I'm grateful for water, I'm grateful for grass, I'm grateful... 00:44:31.51 Izzie But that doesn't come with any emotional connection. What is one thing, if we're starting really small, that you are grateful for and why? This is about things might not be perfect in your life, but what is one thing that you are grateful for? 00:44:42.10 Izzie And small things like I'm grateful for my toothbrush because it means that I don't go out with smelly breath. I'm grateful for toilet roll because that would be a really not great day if I didn't have any toilet roll this morning. 00:44:54.38 nextlevelguypodcast Yes. 00:44:54.52 Izzie um I'm really grateful for... 00:44:54.88 nextlevelguypodcast Okay. 00:44:58.30 Izzie This glass, this clean glass that I've got. It really tiny things. i kind of don't want you to deal with the big things. The small things, just look around your room. What's something that you're grateful for? um And then what is something that you were looking forward to in the day? So rather than thinking about what you're dreading, what is something you're looking forward to? This sounds like a lot, but all it is, is acknowledge yourself. 00:45:20.28 Izzie How do you want to feel? something you're grateful for and why, what you're looking forward to. It takes two minutes to do and you can do it whilst walking to the train station. And then in the evening, i used to fall asleep or struggle to fall asleep thinking about things that I'd said that I regret or overthinking things, getting worried about the next day. 00:45:40.82 Izzie One thing that has made sure that I've never had a bad, I haven't had a bad day in five, six years is by asking myself, what was my favorite moment of the day? Rather than thinking about the parts that you didn't like, what was your favorite moment of the day? This is really clever because your brain starts scanning the day, observing the different things that happened through a positive lens. Could that have been the favorite moment of the day? Could that have been good? And you'll typically find that it wasn't watching TV. It was that ex exercise class you did that you didn't want to do or that that walk to work where you wish you, you were driven the morning, bless you. 00:46:14.59 Izzie um so that question, so powerful. 00:46:15.03 nextlevelguypodcast Don't think? 00:46:18.86 Izzie If that, if that's all you did, what was my favorite moment of the day? That would start training your brain to start looking for the good stuff. Um, what's one thing that you're proud of yourself for today? That's kind of looking at the past and what way do I feel good about past me? 00:46:33.78 Izzie One thing that you were proud of yourself for today And then i would typically also do, what am I looking forward to tomorrow? So again, you're thinking future, what's good in the future. um So to recap, favorite moment of the day, what was your favorite moment of the day? 00:46:49.94 Izzie um Something you were proud of yourself for and what you looking forward to tomorrow? if you just did those three, it's going to start having a difference. Not if you just do it for three days, but if you do it every day, do it with your partner, do it with your kids. 00:47:06.49 Izzie Do it with your colleagues at work. Try and find a way to make those questions part of your daily lifestyle, because even if they feel so silly and so small, they're not going to make an impact. 00:47:17.43 Izzie promise you, based on my understanding of the brain, my own experience and having worked with hundreds, thousands of other individuals, it does make an impact and a considerable one. 00:47:29.26 nextlevelguypodcast I love that because I used to do the the gratitude thing of, um I would just say out loud, like a lot times it'd be in my car and I'd have a little prompt that would come up on the screen and say, you know, three times gratitude things. 00:47:41.48 nextlevelguypodcast And it would be, and my brother used to all say to me, you know, yeah, it's great, but do things like water. and And I'd be like, no, I need stuff that actually affects me. So it would literally be, I left work early and I missed the traffic or, you know, I, I did you know silly like things. 00:47:54.68 Izzie Nice, yeah. 00:47:56.76 nextlevelguypodcast where And I ah suddenly started seeing all these little things I was grateful for, like that I was really tired. And this guest asked to move it back two hours. So I got chance to get dinner before an interview. 00:48:08.38 Izzie Nice, yes. 00:48:10.07 nextlevelguypodcast And it seems silly to other people. But to me, it was kind of like, I'm really grateful for that. And then when I started seeing that, I really liked the idea of then taking that as what were the good things of the day. 00:48:21.26 nextlevelguypodcast Not just what you're grateful for, but I've never i' never really used that. 00:48:22.05 Izzie Hmm. 00:48:25.21 nextlevelguypodcast And I like the idea of like trying to shape the brain into a positive lens. is there but Have there been people who have none of these tools have worked for, or are they down to that situation of not really wanting to change? They almost enjoy being where they are. 00:48:41.85 Izzie I mean, if, um, usually the people I work with want, want to change to some degree, even if they don't think they're capable of it, every single person I've worked with that has done these prompts. Um, 00:48:54.52 Izzie has felt better for them. um And yes, quite a few of them have said, oh, ah you know, am I doing it right? am You can't do it wrong. You really can't. That's so simple. You can't do it wrong. Just stick with it. And then they stick with them just like be a robot. 00:49:09.11 Izzie They just do them. They just answer them, like almost like it's homework. And then they do start feeling better. There's like this, I don't come up with much, new stuff because the core stuff works. It's like, you'll hear me say a thousand times, watch 10 minutes of comedy before bed, watch, watch something funny before you go to sleep. 10 minutes of standup on YouTube, Gogglebox, taskmaster, like watch something funny and do that for like two weeks and then don't watch it and scroll on your phone. 00:49:40.60 Izzie See how different you feel when you wake up in the morning. Really, these are really small, simple things. They, they work because it's it it it It creates a different chemical reaction. If if you wanna feel more anxious, I know exactly what questions to make you ask yourself. 00:49:55.87 Izzie At the end of the day, you're gonna ask yourself, and what is something that you regret that you did in the day? What was a moment where you possibly embarrass yourself? Think of one person from the day and imagine them saying something, talking about you behind your back. 00:50:10.04 Izzie do that every day for 30 days you feel so anxious and and you're also going to watch um a crime show before you go to sleep boom you have an anxious person so yeah okay and none of this is like lying to yourself with positive it's like yeah you might have had a challenging day but what was something good in it okay had a nice sandwich 00:50:19.65 nextlevelguypodcast Jeez. 00:50:31.50 Izzie I can get to sleep in my own bed tonight. I have had a nice dinner. You're not, you're not pretending that challenging stuff hasn't happened. You're just saying what was good about this. And it's like the reticular activating system, what you show your brain, what you, what you prioritize. 00:50:51.38 Izzie you see more of. So that's, yeah, I haven't worked with anyone that this hasn't worked for. um But I can imagine that if I worked with somebody, say like, some parents come to me and they want me to work with their kids, and I'll only work with their kids if the kid actually sort of wants to be there. 00:51:07.68 Izzie um because otherwise there's no point that they don't see why they need to change they don't necessarily want to change or or work on this stuff um and then they won't do the tasks that I set them and so you're never going to see change if you don't do anything in between sessions so um that's the only type of person and so they never come into my area because people don't come to me if they don't want to don't want help yeah 00:51:10.23 nextlevelguypodcast that. 00:51:32.11 nextlevelguypodcast Because you see that a lot, don't you, is people sit there and they'll say, just out the news and you'll be happy. you know And you're like, well, that's true. but And then you see people who make it the and their entire identity to be these unhappy people. 00:51:43.96 nextlevelguypodcast And they're like, yeah, wouldn't work for me. No, but I don't do that. You can see that they're not even willing to consider they could be happy or change. They actually almost are happy to be sad, negative. 00:51:54.80 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 00:51:55.33 Izzie And that's where I was as well. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why, unfortunately for those people, it's probably going to take a catastrophic event or a near death experience or the death of a loved one to realize I'm wasting my life. 00:52:11.10 Izzie Um, and yeah. 00:52:13.21 nextlevelguypodcast Because one of your favorite episodes was, trying to remember the exact title, but it was something like, what have you got? Curious and instead of critical. And I love that because it was that moment of like, 00:52:21.01 Izzie Hmm. 00:52:25.21 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah, when I'm not just sitting bitching about this or negative about that. When I'm actually using, I've got like a, like I use ChatGPT and ah I use a curiosity lab. So whenever I see something, even if it's something really bizarre, like how such and such made or why do we use this kind of handshake or whatever, i'll um I put it in and it lets me become curious and I build and build and build. 00:52:46.64 nextlevelguypodcast And I've ended up interviewing people on topics because it's got me intrigued into certain things. 00:52:51.06 Izzie Yeah. 00:52:52.76 nextlevelguypodcast is's How do we use that concept to help us change? Is it literally just using the but and to say, instead of being critical, say, but why that happen? 00:53:03.73 nextlevelguypodcast Why am I thinking that? How can I change that? 00:53:05.69 Izzie Yeah. So those are I suggest those as tools, because they're probably easier to remember. um It's like, Oh, as you said, say, but so I'm gonna say that and then kind of leads you to say something different. But yeah it's being curious instead of critical with your feelings. So if you realise that you're thinking back to something that happened 20 years ago, and feeling anxious about it. Okay, why am I feeling anxious about this. Okay. Cause I wish I hadn't done it. Okay. Why do you wish you hadn't done it? Um, I wish I hadn't done it because, um, it upset somebody. Okay. And have we learned from it? Have we done something similar since? No. Um, so we have learned from it. Yeah. Okay. Well, how great is it that that happened that we now know that we don't want to do that again. And maybe that stopped us drinking. Maybe that stopped us hanging out with that certain person. Um, so it's, yeah, starting to be curious. I had a experience. 00:53:57.21 Izzie um during this this deep development self-development phase where i phase, when I first started doing this, where I was working for a university and I had, so you have universities and then sometimes you can have micro campuses, satellite campuses. So I was at one in London, there were two and I was the sole person in one and then my manager sort of floated between them. And so that meant that I was responsible for so many different areas and that when when you focus on so many different things you can't be focused on one thing and so one summer um the university said that they were gonna and create projects so actually rather than being responsible for everything i would just be in charge of certain projects so things would be almost like categorized and given to certain people and so that was like a breath of fresher okay great um 00:54:47.62 Izzie I'm going to have this. And then this new girl joined the team at and another campus and she started wanting to get involved in all of the projects that I had been given. And I found myself getting really annoyed at her internally, like so annoying. Like, why can't you just leave my stuff alone? And i had a one-to-one with my manager the day after she had been really and and irritating me. And so i was going to go to my manager and say, look, can, you can she's really bothering me and sort have a go at her. 00:55:19.03 Izzie But something told me to get a piece of paper. It was a napkin or a kind scrap piece of paper. And I just wrote down the situation. The situation is this girl is like, take like taking over all my stuff. 00:55:32.31 Izzie was like, okay, what's next question? What's the problem with that? Problem with that is and she's like, I want this stuff for myself. And I unpicked why I was feeling this way. Um, after doing that, it was only a few lines of unpicking it. I realized actually, it's actually great that there's somebody so enthusiastic. 00:55:51.61 Izzie to level my enthusiasm levels and that somebody actually cares enough to want to do this stuff with me. So, okay, so Izzy, what's the problem then? the Problem is that I feel like I just want something of my own. 00:56:02.93 Izzie So it's actually nothing to do with this girl. And it's all to do with the fact that I just want something of my own. 00:56:06.57 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 00:56:08.89 Izzie So when I had this meeting with my manager, um instead of bitching about this girl, i was able to say to her, I love this girl's enthusiasm. I think it's, I think you've picked somebody perfect to be part of the team. Um, but I just wondered if it's okay for me to just have one thing that's, that's mine that I know that I can focus on. And she completely understood. And she was like, yeah, that's fine. 00:56:34.02 Izzie Like you, you, you can do this and I'll move for on something else. ah And so rather than sort of probably possibly making my manager respect me less by being really dramatic about something that really wasn't I was able to use curiosity challenge my critique of this person and realize there was nothing wrong with this person but the real problem was in the structure and what I needed and then it was an easy fix so and then I've kind of learned to try and do that with with other with everything else since with that curiosity rather than that conclusion that it's it's something critical yeah 00:57:12.51 nextlevelguypodcast it's It's amazing, isn't it? It's like how you can go and speak to somebody after building up in your head and you know you're thinking they're doing this because of this, they're deliberately doing that. And then you go up to them and sorry, what? 00:57:23.26 nextlevelguypodcast And they have no idea what you're talking about but you've built the story, this identity, this kind of like, this is what this means and this is this. And and then when you actually stop and go, like you're saying, get curious and then pick up that you go, 00:57:35.59 nextlevelguypodcast ah now i see okay right it's actually something like i i found when i started doing the podcast for example i loved it because i was helping fix people but then when they got it from somebody else and they said oh i listened to such and such episode i was getting annoyed and i was kind of like oh it's like you cheat you're cheating on me and then it's something your brain's going oh because you're finally getting a bit of power and you're now and ah you're like okay i could see where that's coming from right you that 00:57:51.03 Izzie Oh, it's like blood boiling, isn't it? like, why didn't you come to me? yeah I can relate to that. 00:58:06.39 nextlevelguypodcast And it's that where your brain just goes, oh, they're cheating at me. and They're leaving me. they're du and you know You're kind of like, another one. And you're kind going, where the hell that? This is a random person I barely know or you know. 00:58:16.65 nextlevelguypodcast And you create all this stuff in our head. 00:58:17.05 Izzie Yeah. 00:58:20.11 nextlevelguypodcast So how do we know we're actually making a change? like what's the Say if you come out your retreat and you went home, you met your parents, you met your work work colleagues, what would they start noticing about you? Or what would you notice about yourself to kind of go, 00:58:33.90 nextlevelguypodcast I'm on the right track as he's finally cutting through the chuff. 00:58:38.04 Izzie Yeah. Well, I will, I've just run a retreat, so I'll share what recent graduates have shared. So sort of when they go home, then parents or whoever they live will with usually say something like, oh you look like you're glowing. um they then so like, I've had so many messages in, in the the group chat this week about things that they've done. then they've only been out of the retreat for three weeks. Um, 00:59:02.60 Izzie with even if's really bizarre, like you might, I will help you with your like confidence, how you feel about yourself. um I'm not here to help you lose weight, but we've had like somebody who started to feel, um you know, talk to herself with more love than self hate. um She's actually just said that she's lost weight. She's only left the retreat for three weeks. Like, and that was not even discussed about losing weight. One girl said that her IBS, 00:59:30.46 Izzie has been like way better. Like I'm not dealing with that. Somebody has a medical phobia, said that she was able to sit through a conversation listening to somebody's surgery. She didn't enjoy it, but she didn't pass out or need to leave the room. 00:59:42.72 Izzie One girl said that she's just been, she's been waking up so much more excited. 00:59:42.88 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 00:59:47.12 Izzie for each day, which is like the the core of what I want people to to to achieve. um And, you know, one girl couldn't, and she was really scared of men due to some experiences she's had. 00:59:59.13 Izzie And she had a doctor's appointment and it was a male in there and her mum was about to go in with her and she was like, It's okay. I i think I'll be all right about going in by myself. She probably had a flutter of nervousness in her chest, but she would never have done that before. 01:00:11.95 Izzie And that was with like two weeks. She couldn't even walk down the street alone. And then within 48 hours of leaving the retreat, she was off on a solo date. And I'm, my brain's like, what, who are you? 01:00:21.82 nextlevelguypodcast And 01:00:22.95 Izzie so it's, it, you you It is subtle and it is gradual. With with some of them, it is like these big things. But you just find that you are feeling negative a lot less the time. 01:00:34.22 Izzie You're feeling even just neutral as opposed to to bad, which then leads you to go outside your comfort zone more, do things you never thought you'd be able to, wear things you never thought you'd be able to. 01:00:44.81 Izzie so you just all of a sudden like it's only when you look back maybe six months later that you realize hang on a minute who who am I compared to that person the things I've done i could never have even dreamed of doing before so I'm yeah really proud of it's not just a few people it's everybody um the experience is there 01:01:02.16 nextlevelguypodcast But how does that change you? Because, you know, like, I mean, it's amazing to see these people coming out and like the love that you get and the reviews and stuff like that. But how does that affect you as a person? Do you ever find yourself kind of falling into the trap of reliving your own pain when you listen to other people? Does that make you a better coach because you can actually feel where they are and know... 01:01:27.11 nextlevelguypodcast the the tools to start coming out of that? does it Does it affect you to become a better coach? Like, how do you control yourself and not become like, I can fix everybody, but how do you make sure that you can, you're still the same Izzy, the happy, healthy version? 01:01:37.66 Izzie Yeah. 01:01:42.39 Izzie Yeah, I would say maybe just because I've done it a lot or my passion for getting people to the other side, I don't tend to get lost in their pain. But I think the thing that... 01:01:54.36 Izzie makes me good at what I do. so I'm not great at many things. This, ah feel like the proof has taught me that i I am good at this. And I think what I do or what happens when I'm working with somebody is I have to kind of put myself in their brain to be able to see and feel what life is like for them, which is where it's really helpful that I've gone through a lot of stuff myself. 01:02:17.28 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 01:02:21.11 Izzie it's so helpful. Like you say you're experiencing depression and you feel like you're an observatory in life. I know exactly how that feels. I'm so grateful for that. I know exactly what a panic attack feels like because I've had them. 01:02:31.67 Izzie I've had situations I've not consented to that helps me relate to so many women. Um, I've never had a medical phobia. And so, you know, I made sure she wasn't coming to work with me for that because I've never, ah i don't know what that feels like. 01:02:45.64 Izzie Um, I've had PTSD, so I know what that feels like and that kind of links in with OCD. So I can sort of resonate with that. um but so think I'm really grateful that I have experienced so much, um, 01:03:02.68 Izzie so many challenging things and it just makes me a better coach because like I can't imagine going and getting help from somebody for panic attacks if they've never experienced a panic attack themselves or oh depression. 01:03:13.51 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 01:03:14.05 Izzie It's so specific that I just would really struggle with that. So I'm weirdly grateful that I've had a plethora of experiences and um I will be very open and honest if if I'm in saying like, oh, well, I haven't experienced that. 01:03:29.49 Izzie that so it's difficult for me to fully relate. But within what I have experienced, this is what I would recommend and my understanding of the brain generally. um so yeah, i would say the more people I've worked with and the more results I've seen, it does make me realize that I've got a good um covering of different experiences and feelings. Like at the end of the day, everything's emotional really. um And we've all experienced anger, grief, jealousy, anxiety to some extent. 01:04:01.34 Izzie So if you've experienced that, you can relate and you can understand what that feels like because we're dealing with emotions. I can shift shift you in whichever direction. I don't have to have experienced the exact same thing that you did. 01:04:14.06 Izzie Does that make sense? 01:04:15.51 nextlevelguypodcast Definitely. Because it's definitely something I i struggled with at the start was I would kind of use my own examples to help them understand. i you know i was almost like was trying say, but look, I understand where you're coming from. 01:04:26.52 Izzie Yeah. 01:04:28.63 nextlevelguypodcast And would keep these things alive. And then I realized it's the tactics they want. They don't want me to say, yo yeah, it's pi as a bitch when that happens. Oh, that's horrible. And yeah know they just said they want me to be able to understand them and emphasize with them, but also to then teach them to lead them out of it And I think you're more than good at it. 01:04:37.46 Izzie Yeah. 01:04:45.25 Izzie Yeah. 01:04:46.07 nextlevelguypodcast I think you're you're great at it. But how do you stop somebody just feeling a bit of happiness, a bit of light, a bit of whatever it is, and then going, yeah, I'm enough. 01:04:56.71 nextlevelguypodcast That's it. But not actually allowing them to continue this feeling and change and become, because if these people are coming out like losing weight and stuff like that, they may stop and go, i look great now. 01:05:07.36 nextlevelguypodcast And you know they stop at that level. 01:05:07.96 Izzie yeah 01:05:09.36 nextlevelguypodcast How do you let them realize that, The only thing that's holding yourself back is this bullshit you were telling yourself. Now that you're getting the tools to keep using them to grow and develop. 01:05:19.77 Izzie Yeah, exactly. and It's exactly that. It's not something that you take a medicine and you feel better. so you've got to keep, it's like taking vitamins. Like I can do the work to sort of nurse you back to health, but then you've got to take the the vitamins to to keep that up. 01:05:34.96 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 01:05:35.98 Izzie um And so, yeah, I have had some people who've got to a really good place and then they've just stopped using the tools and then they feel rubbish and they, they kind of they'll message me and say, Izzy, I've had a bit of a dip the last two weeks. 01:05:48.62 Izzie I was feeling really good. And then now I'm I don't know. um Can we have a chat and I don't want to waste anyone's money. So it's like, you know, the retreats, for instance, I teach them them everything. So then I'll, I'll, before we have a call, our message and be like, yeah, we absolutely can have a chat, but have you been doing the things that, that were helping you? 01:06:06.52 Izzie Oh no, I've, I've, I've stopped choosing them. Okay, well, why don't you try you try doing that for the next few weeks and then let me know if you still want to chat and they'll do it and I'll check in with them and be like, because i haven't heard from them. 01:06:09.90 nextlevelguypodcast and but 01:06:18.56 Izzie that Oh yeah, I started doing things again and feel good. it's like, exactly. So I've been doing this work for six years. I feel great. I still journal because that for me is helpful for me. It might not be helpful for everybody, but that's the tool that's really helpful for me, just writing stuff down. Anytime um I notice that, 01:06:37.82 Izzie Like things aren't really going to great. Like a lot of things haven't been working out for me in a two week or month long period. I will be straight on that. And every single day at the end of the day, I'll write a list of everything that has gone well, everything that has been going right. Because I know i need to catch my brain before it get build momentum and starts convincing me my life's a mess. You've got to constantly stay on top of it, but it doesn't mean that it needs to be hard or exhausting. You don't need to read a million self-help books. You just need to find what works for you or even just use one tool that remotely works and keep using it. I'm not somebody who meditates these days, but when I was experiencing depression and panic attacks, um I started just doing 10 minutes of guided meditation in the morning and it was helpful and I kept on doing it. And when I stopped, that's where, you know, you you start noticing the difference. It doesn't really matter if you haven't found the tool, just use a tool. 01:07:32.12 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 01:07:32.54 Izzie And a cold plunge. going to It's going to grow your resilience over time, even just 30 seconds in a cold plunge a day. 10 minutes of meditation, journaling, the prompts I've just given, just pick one thing and stick at it. 01:07:44.54 Izzie and even when life is good, especially when life is good, especially when life is hard and you feel like you can't go on that 10-minute walk, go on the 10-minute walk anyway. you have to stick to it 01:07:55.78 nextlevelguypodcast It's like during COVID, isn't It's like I'm on a stupid walk for my stupid mental health. And people are saying if they didn't go for their walks, it would they would completely ruin them. And then they're wondering why they were unhappy. 01:08:05.88 nextlevelguypodcast And you're like, have you gone for your walk? No. right You see them like starting out again. 01:08:09.14 Izzie Yeah. 01:08:09.92 nextlevelguypodcast You're just like, why are we not? We're so used to just screwing ourselves, to like self-sabotage, punishment, pain. 01:08:16.16 Izzie Mm-hmm. 01:08:18.52 nextlevelguypodcast do you Do you see that a lot that people actually start using self-development as an avoidance tool? They get so used to this feeling of digging deep and fixing this and changing this and reading this self-help book and this podcast and that podcast. They actually forget to live that they don't. 01:08:35.93 nextlevelguypodcast They want to work on themselves. to To that point, they forget to actually be themselves. 01:08:42.30 Izzie Yeah, I think Stephen Bartlett um has gone a little um viral for saying that he had two glasses of wine and it ruined three days of his life. And like quite a few people have mocked him for it. And, um you know, because it's like, and what? And also, you know, if you if you had two glasses of wine and you didn't go to the gym the next day, that's not because of the wine. It's because you didn't have enough, like... 01:09:05.12 Izzie willpower to just go, you know, like you decided not to go to the gym. It wasn't the wine's fault. um And I think previously, before I got into all of this work, I was um listening like impact theory, like six, seven years ago by Tom Bilyeu. 01:09:19.84 nextlevelguypodcast Oh yeah, had him on. 01:09:20.09 Izzie And, you know, I listened I was into fitness and everything. And I was listening to this, these mindset stuff and food stuff. And it was like this constant optimization and like, oh, don't have this, have this. And I did start feeling a bit burnt out and frustrated with it all. Not anything to do with Tom Billy. I think he's great. But just like, when does it stop? 01:09:43.10 Izzie And so i think the difference in what i do now is like, The work that i'm doing isn't to continue to increase how I'm feeling and feel even like happier than I did the day before. No, it's just to consistently feel above neutral, I guess, like above meh, to feel happy, content, making that a lifestyle rather than something I'm, oh, I need to get more focused. I need to get more this, more, How do I want to feel? I'm not going to feel that way every second of the day, but just making little changes here and there 01:10:21.56 Izzie that that help that. Like I don't have a whoop or anything that tracks my sleep score. And I i know that if I got that, I would wake up in the morning, oh, I've had a terrible night sleep. 01:10:30.85 nextlevelguypodcast like another obsession. Yeah. 01:10:32.64 Izzie It would convince me that I'm going to have a bad day because I'm tired. Well, who says? Yeah. Who says, like i dot i don't I don't need that. if If it works for you, great. 01:10:44.23 Izzie This is all part of working out what works for you. But i know I believe that that would tap more into this optimization thing. I used to, I was brought up with my mum, nutrition, eating really healthy. 01:10:55.15 Izzie Then I met my partner, who is not the most healthiest in terms of food. And so I don't all anywhere near as healthy as I did. But he cares less about food. 01:11:05.41 Izzie So I think less about food. Therefore, I eat when I'm hungry, not when I'm supposed to eat. I eat what I feel like I need or want because I'm not thinking about it. 01:11:10.93 nextlevelguypodcast Mm-hmm. 01:11:15.67 Izzie I'm just reaching for what I feel like I i need. i And I feel better in myself. than i i'm lest I don't look in the mirror at my body and think, oh, God, I've put on a bit there. 01:11:26.29 Izzie No, I'm just living i'm living. I'm trying to live in a way that just makes me feel better. good, more good than it does bad. You're not trying to optimize because I i get it. I agree. it It can lead you down this hole of then feeling like a failure. Because I think trying to optimize means that when you're not fully optimized, you then feel like you've done something wrong and then you feel rubbish. That's the feeling I'm trying to avoid. 01:11:53.39 nextlevelguypodcast No, it makes a lot of sense because you can actually see the change in you and how you are about yourself and how open and honest, but how much happier you are as that your catalogue progresses and that you can see your own development into that. 01:12:07.43 nextlevelguypodcast But I love the bit, I can't remember which episode it was where you said about people not to come to the retreat and try to work before you arrive. 01:12:08.21 Izzie Yeah. 01:12:15.89 nextlevelguypodcast come to the retreat to actually do the work while you're there. Do you find that the people come to you and say, oh, I was going to come sooner, but I needed to do bit work on myself. It's like going to the gym to work out, to do jujitsu, to you know to lose weight, to do jujitsu. 01:12:29.56 Izzie Yeah. 01:12:30.55 nextlevelguypodcast Whereas you lose weight by doing jujitsu. Do you find that with people? They put off or a life-changing experience like a retreat by trying to do the stuff themselves? 01:12:36.72 Izzie Mm. 01:12:39.29 Izzie Absolutely. Yeah, I do find some people saying um like, oh, I don't think I'm ready. I think I need to you know get myself to a position where I am first. And it's like, well, the point of this, I'm not a therapist, so I can't call it a therapy retreat. 01:12:54.74 Izzie But a lot of people that come say they've tried therapy and this did way. It's similar to that, but arguably with with better results um and more long lasting results, not to slag off therapy. ah you know It's really helpful, but it was more about understanding how you feel than actually always changing how you feel. And that's what people have told me. um So I, people think they need to have this base level of understanding. No, yeah you you really don't. Whether you've been doing self development stuff all your life or you haven't. um 01:13:26.43 Izzie It everybody it's, it it just works. um I ran my first, first retreat and I just thought people were going to leave feeling happier than they were when they came. And I didn't realize it was going to be as game-changing as it was so I'm very lucky and grateful to have stumbled upon something that really does genuinely work for everyone that steps in the door the only person the only the only person I would say that it you may be not ready for it is if you are so consumed by your emotions that you can't concentrate in a workshop um you know it's not lecturing and teaching it's activities and stuff but if you're um 01:14:02.36 Izzie if you're so, I work with a lot of people with ADHD. So it's, funny you know, if you've got ADHD and you lose concentrate, that's fine. But if you're, you can't stop crying to do the work. 01:14:13.29 Izzie We have tears all the time. 01:14:13.60 nextlevelguypodcast No, it's 01:14:14.85 Izzie Tears are great. Tears, but you know, so that's the only, I'm all about ri being real and being being honest. um And once we had one person who just, she was so like out of it mentally um that she couldn't focus on a workshop. 01:14:30.42 Izzie and then I can't give her the tools because she's, she's mentally out of it. But most people are not any anywhere near that, that place. They, yeah. 01:14:39.05 nextlevelguypodcast great. 01:14:39.22 Izzie If you can hold a normal conversation, you're fine. Yeah. 01:14:42.06 nextlevelguypodcast ah I mean, we've all probably met those people who are sitting there going, yeah, but that and but I did. And you know you kind of go, it's not a competition. We're not trying to compete to be the worst parentrot like in the worst pain, the worst upset or whatever. 01:14:54.14 nextlevelguypodcast And you know they're not ready to change because they've made it their identity. 01:14:55.74 Izzie Yeah. 01:14:59.01 nextlevelguypodcast I mean, let' let's take the, because the retreats are amazing and I've seen nine but love and I love how you you actually go in and you tackle it and you get into the trenches with people and you explain how you fixed it and then you help them find their particular paths. 01:14:59.10 Izzie yeah 01:15:12.47 nextlevelguypodcast Say you had ah a bit a chubby podcast host who came to you you, know, he's coming to the retreats, this, you know, suave, thinks he's like James Bond, but probably more like Mr. Bean. 01:15:23.30 nextlevelguypodcast how would you start working with them? Like, what would you do with me at the retreat? Like, what are the kind of activities? I know you don't want to give away all your secrets, but what are the what's what's the thing that you want me to come and be the best person I can be at these retreats and get the most from it? 01:15:31.19 Izzie Hmm. 01:15:41.40 Izzie Yeah, I mean, there's so much. It is packed full. Some people joke that you leave more exhausted than when you came. And like I'm totally fine with that because it's not a holiday. I'm here to help you get long-lasting change. And like that's all i that's what I care about. um So yeah, there's it's a whole like process. um So many different workshops that all tie into each other. But I would say the first thing that I'd probably... 01:16:07.22 Izzie just say, look at your language, your language will explain so much about, about the way that you are. Um, and starting to become rather than being, um, like just believing everything that your brain says, starting to be an observer of your thoughts. 01:16:25.95 Izzie And like, if you notice you're saying something that doesn't make you feel good, challenging it. but yeah, I mean, at the retreat we do Wim Hof, we do ex exercises to help you connect with the other people and realize that you're a lot ah more similar than you probably realize. 01:16:38.87 Izzie um We have a self-acceptance workshop. 01:16:38.99 nextlevelguypodcast Okay. 01:16:41.31 Izzie I get you to look at your image in your, this is a real spoiler and don't let it put you off. um But you you look at your reflection, looking back at you and and i help you to be able to look at this person without wanting to throw your phone across the room. like And actually to be able to look at this person and find things that you like, which most people feel like it's impossible, but it's not. We have an identity workshop. We have a confidence workshop. It's yeah. So, so much that just starts chipping away at the stuff that is not serving you. 01:17:13.02 Izzie Yeah. 01:17:13.76 nextlevelguypodcast So what would somebody get from it? I mean, like, how do they, what's the process to sign up? What's the process to attend? um i mean, how how do you do it so that you can let people be raw, vulnerable, open to like potentially real pain, like deep pain? 01:17:27.29 Izzie Yeah. 01:17:31.93 Izzie yeah 01:17:32.40 nextlevelguypodcast how How do you make sure it's in a safe setting and like basically a sales pitch for your retreats? Because I think, 01:17:39.41 Izzie Oh, bless you. 01:17:39.98 nextlevelguypodcast many So many people need to come on these, but it's difficult to kind of not turn into 50 different questions because there's so much I want to know about it. But like, what is it that somebody listening to thinks, bloody hell, she's a good, you know, I really want to get work with her. 01:17:54.97 Izzie and 01:17:56.81 nextlevelguypodcast how How can we get into the process of signing up for the retreats and attending, et cetera? 01:18:00.66 Izzie yeah So there's a retreat in August, that's five days in the UK. And then there's one in Greece, which is the my bread and butter. We're just doing one in the UK to make it a little bit more accessible. Um, 01:18:13.05 Izzie And the Greece ones, the full week, and they both have the same workshops and everything in them. um And there's a boat trip and the boat trips part of the confidence workshop. You know, it' it's that everything's there for a reason and that's in October. um So just go on the website and submit an application. Just some simple questions for me to understand what you're wanting to work on and and things like that. And then I'll pop you a message or an email and then we'll have a chat for a lot of people, even just getting on the phone or in a zoom call is, 01:18:41.91 Izzie is nerve wracking, but it's, you just got to ask yourself, like, how much do i want this change? Like thinking about where am I trying to get to? 01:18:47.61 nextlevelguypodcast Yep. 01:18:49.22 Izzie And that's all part of the process, even having that phone call. Some people said that they've come to the retreats that they nearly didn't turn up. um And obviously they're so glad that they did turn up to that phone call. 01:19:01.04 Izzie And then if I think I'll let you know, if I don't think you're a good fit, not in a harsh way or anything, really comes down to, are you somebody that's willing to listen to and support other people? it's really important you know everyone there impacts everyone else are you somebody that is you want change you're willing to even if you don't you don't get it you know you you want change enough to to try some to try this um and yeah are you willing to take that step and then sort of go from there and if you are successful then i'll give you all the details to to book on and up until the retreat we i have somebody else who is a samaritan who's part of the team. So he is obviously exceptional at being safe and supportive ear. We are here and I've always have the way you need someone to help you book your flights. You need someone to help with logistical support. You just want to have a chat because you're feeling anxious about it. I, we go above and beyond because it's not about the money. It's not, I'm not business woman. I just, I'm obsessed with helping. Like, 01:20:02.36 Izzie yeah yeah It is possible to feel better. I've done it myself. I've seen other people do it. And so I hate it when people are like, oh, I don't know this is going to work for me. It will. um So much so that like, if to make you feel better, if if it doesn't, which it will, I'll continue working with you at absolutely no cost. um And i I previously also worked and currently still do work with an organization called Beyond Equality. We go into, my area in it is universities. So I'll go in and I could be working with 20 rugby players. And I have to basically within two hours, kind of within the first half an hour, help them feel comfortable enough in that space 01:20:42.58 Izzie to open up about how they feel. 20 representants, yeah, or football players. 01:20:44.31 nextlevelguypodcast That skill. 01:20:47.65 Izzie And, you know, they walk in, they're like, I don't know what this is. ah don't Why do we have to do this? And you can tell they don't want to be there. They don't get it. I wouldn't want to be there. In a quality workshop, I know it's important, but sounds boring. 01:20:59.96 Izzie And by the end of it, they are so, they're so grateful. They're like, I've never heard some of these guys share these things. And I feel like we all kind bond so much better. Like, and through that work, I'm so grateful for Beyond Equality because it taught me how to create a safe space within a very short space of time. 01:21:15.52 Izzie You know, nothing can ever be a fully safe space. 01:21:15.93 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 01:21:18.02 Izzie Could be an earthquake, could be, what I'm not in control of every aspect of the universe, but yeah, I, me and, you know, this guy as well, who's worked Samaritans, we have, we do have the skills to make sure that even if you don't believe it, you, you will feel safe. And within sort of a few hours of being at the retreat, people are like, I feel like I've known everyone my whole life. I didn't think I'd cry this soon. I didn't think I'd share this much. You're totally up to you how much you share. um 01:21:49.24 Izzie But there are some things that we do on that first day that mean that you will feel right at home very soon. 01:21:55.89 nextlevelguypodcast I love that. Because you certainly do do that. Because, I mean, it feels like 10 minutes I've been speaking to you. And I've just been open and honest. And I know it's what been an hour and 22 minutes. So I'm so sorry for using up so much your time. 01:22:08.34 nextlevelguypodcast But oh how do you get to that point, though, to stop people, I'm going to help this one, this one, this one? 01:22:08.57 Izzie It's been a pleasure. It's been enjoyable, yeah. 01:22:15.31 nextlevelguypodcast You know, like I make the jokes thinking I'm helping people settle in and do all these kind of things. Where in in reality, I'm probably still beating myself up by using that as an excuse. sir How do you stop people? 01:22:26.55 nextlevelguypodcast I'm going to help Billy, I'm going help Jean, to help whoever, rather than help themselves. How do we avoid that pitfall of thinking we're being supportive and helping others by helping talking through their thing by avoiding our own thing? 01:22:41.35 nextlevelguypodcast Does that ever come up? 01:22:42.44 Izzie What are you saying that you use humor as a way to bypass your own discomfort in that situation? Is that what you, 01:22:49.93 nextlevelguypodcast Well, it's more kind of like, how do we avoid helping other people and using that as an avoidance of ourselves? You know, in the retreat, how do you avoid somebody just talking and going, oh, John, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What about this? What about this? But not actually tackling their own issues. 01:23:06.34 nextlevelguypodcast Does that ever come up? 01:23:08.61 Izzie um, 01:23:09.56 nextlevelguypodcast Like they want to be the white knight kind thing. 01:23:10.39 Izzie Yeah, I mean, occasionally people occasionally people try to help others, but there's more this expectation. That's my job and the team's job. And they're there to sort of just be a listening ear and to remind each other of the tools. 01:23:20.07 nextlevelguypodcast Yeah. 01:23:24.89 Izzie um So we have this big community um in on WhatsApp and people will ask like questions or share something they're maybe struggling with or has come up, whether it's a family related thing. And people will typically um offer their suggestions, but they're usually rooted in the tools that that I've sort of suggested. So it kind of comes back to these core, this this core stuff. um So people just more need to be reminded than taught. 01:23:48.76 Izzie um I find so yeah. 01:23:51.27 nextlevelguypodcast Because definitely for me, I noticed when I first started this journey, I would be like, what about this? What about this? You could try CBT. You could say no, no, no. And I knew that I had that same problem, but I wasn't going to address it. 01:24:02.60 nextlevelguypodcast But I felt like I was being productive by saying, oh, CBT, NLP, oh, what about this? Like pickup thing? What about this? 01:24:09.34 Izzie Yeah. 01:24:10.14 nextlevelguypodcast And I wasn't tackling any of my own stuff. And then would see them go and improve themselves and I'd feel jealous. 01:24:13.11 Izzie Yeah. 01:24:16.22 nextlevelguypodcast And I'd be like, this is the most idiotic thing, you know, rather than tackling my own stuff. 01:24:19.70 Izzie Yeah. 01:24:20.95 nextlevelguypodcast So it is... 01:24:22.30 Izzie Yeah. I mean, for me personally, I'd say that, um you know, I've done, I did the work before I started trying to help other people. So that was definitely very helpful. um Obviously it is an ongoing process and there's things that crop up, but usually I'm pretty open 01:24:31.99 nextlevelguypodcast Thank you. 01:24:37.11 Izzie with them and if there is something you yeah um or at least i'll try to figure out how to help myself with that thing to then share that what i did and therefore i can use that to help other people as well um but yeah i mean i think you maybe will recognize if you were sharing something that might help somebody else But internally, you know, you're not doing that thing and you should be doing it or it will feel a little empty. And it when you leave that conversation, not you'll not feel very good. 01:25:09.85 Izzie Versus if you have done it, you'll feel really good because you feel like, oh my God, I've used my experience to help somebody else. And now hopefully we can both feel good. So maybe just check in with yourself afterwards to see how you're feeling. And if there is that feeling of, I've just suggested they do that, but I'm not doing that. 01:25:24.95 Izzie Go and bloody do it. Yeah. 01:25:27.35 nextlevelguypodcast it's It's a great avoidance tool it to kind of say, well, i helped them do it. 01:25:27.61 Izzie yeah 01:25:30.77 nextlevelguypodcast So technically I can take some of the credit from that. But I mean, I would love to do the deep dives in a lot of other stuff. 01:25:34.42 Izzie yeah 01:25:38.85 nextlevelguypodcast And you know we'll have to get you back on because it's been an absolute pleasure. You're so easy to chat to. And there's so many things, even for my own personal stuff, I'd be like, what about, what about? But but what would what would you want people to take from this? 01:25:50.85 nextlevelguypodcast like what Because your podcast's amazing. The retreats sound life-changing. But what would you want people to remember? is it just a case of you can change no matter the position you're in? 01:26:01.39 nextlevelguypodcast Or how how would you sum up this? Or what would you want them to take out? 01:26:04.09 Izzie Yeah. 01:26:07.80 Izzie I would say it starts with thinking, how do I, how do you want to feel? Not what do you want to achieve? What do you want to, how, what house do you want? How do you want to feel? um And then kind of, this is how I started treating yourself like an experiment and just seeing, okay, for the next two weeks, I'm going to see, 01:26:27.13 Izzie how much I can make myself feel this way and you will then find your own techniques within it you might use some things that I've shared in here and there for general like everyone will feel better from using the tools I've suggested the the prompts the questions the comedy before bed but maybe your thing is that you've got such a chaotic household you've got such a full-on job and you say I want to feel calmer or more at peace okay How could you make yourself feel that way more today? And then you will gradually start aligning your thoughts and your life with that feeling and then you will start feeling that way. So it really starts with how do you want to feel more of the time? 01:27:05.02 Izzie And then just play with that for the next two weeks. play with that. Remind yourself of that every day. Write on a post-it note opposite your bed. Peace. Okay, that's that's the goal for today, to see what I can do to make myself feel that way. Do that for two weeks, just experimenting with it. 01:27:22.10 Izzie Maybe there's certain foods that make you feel more at peace. Maybe there's a certain walk, a certain, just explore that excitement. What makes you feel excitement? Is it a TV show? It might be. 01:27:34.46 Izzie What are the things that make you feel that way and just start exploring and experimenting with that? And lo and behold, after two weeks, you will probably feel that way a bit more, but then carry it on. So how do you want to feel? 01:27:47.22 Izzie Start exploring that feeling more. That's I would say. 01:27:50.61 nextlevelguypodcast ah I can't listen to an episode of your show without getting something from it but how can we keep in touch how can we see this journey how can we you know listen to the podcast how can we look at the retreat information and what's your like your social media handles how can we follow this amazing journey and the TED talks are definitely coming 01:28:13.14 Izzie fingers crossed throwing a good word for me um so i mean all you can find my podcast on spotify and apple podcasts and project you podcast by izzy miller pretty much if you without being sort of big-headed if you search izzy miller I-Z-Z-I-E-M-I-L-L-E-R on Spotify, on your podcast apps, on social media um and on Google. I should come up. Maybe it's just my own echo chamber. um But yeah, izzy.miller underscore on Instagram, izzy.miller on TikTok. I share a lot of tips, so much free stuff. Find me on YouTube as well. um i want to have you. But if you can't afford to work with me that's absolutely fine. I just want to help. um All of that stuff is available for free. And if it does help, please let me know. That's the thing that feels like a reward the most is knowing that somebody got value from what I'm sharing. So please do, you know, don't, be afraid to DM me um or anything like that. And www.iziemiller.com is the website where you can find out all about the retreats and so forth. um 01:29:19.96 Izzie So yeah, Izzy Miller. That's where you should find everything. 01:29:25.85 nextlevelguypodcast All right.