Month: July 2014

Forget Your Ex with A Million Ways to Die in the West

Today, I’m publishing an article about something that I really struggled with. Something that really destroyed me for many months as I struggled to over come it.

 

The Problem: Forgetting an ex and moving on from an ex-partner that you loved.

 

Why it’s a big deal: We’ve all had that one partner. The one that made you want to wake up for them and never fall asleep so you could spend as much time as possible with them. But sadly, with the way life works, some people will come and go in your life. For the majority of people, it is easy to move on after some sadness, where they can look for another person to become the love of their life (or even just for that night).

However, for some, myself included, you can never forget that person. You can’t move on from the girl or guy. While you are focused looking backwards, you don’t see the opportunities amd options for a new romance, career, that are opening up in front of you.

Sadly too many people change when they get into a relationship. They change by becoming more like the person that keeps their partner happy rather than the person who attracted their partner in the first place. Eventually, the partner gets fed up of you being this weaker version of the person they first fancied and the attraction goes. A break up of some form happens and you are left all over the place. Should you chase your ex? Should you move on? How do you move is a better question? How do you move on by watching a film? Read on and find out …

 

Film to watch to help: ‘A Million Ways to Die in the West’

Character to look at: Albert Stark (Seth MacFarlane). Albert is like your average guy. He lives in a place he doesn’t feel he belongs in and can’t seem to find his place in the world. He’s dating Louise (Amanda Seyfried), a girl who seems to be merely putting up with him until a better offer. Eventually one does, in the form of  Foy (Neil Patrick Harris). The film follows Albert trying to win back Louise, dealing with the breakup and how changing how you take on life may affect the road you take and what happens to you as a result.

 

What should I be looking out for?

If you’re the first version of Albert, than change. In the movie, Albert stays with Louise as he is happy with her. He seems to think all he needs to do is not to do anything stupid and she will stay with him, which in turn will make him happy. However, no one else in this world can make you happy. If you tie up your happiness and future on whether someone loves you or not, you will fail. All it takes is for that person to leave, for your source of happiness to end. Never tie up your happiness in another person, find an internal source of happiness, one that doesn’t rely on another. Look for a project that you can get your teeth into, look for a more challenging job, look to learn a new skill. Find something that relies solely on yourself and only you can affect your happiness, no one else. So even if your partner leaves, it can’t hurt you.

Sometimes better to let go than try to cling on. In the film Albert stays with Louise for the happiness she provides for him. He’s not exactly sure why he loves her but just that he feels like he does. Albert is staying with Louise for all the wrong reasons. He is staying with her as she provides a happiness in a world that he doesn’t feel like he belongs into and is the one area of his life that he can draw happiness from. This is wrong. You can’t stay with someone just because they make you happy or pretend you are. Worse, Albert has changed who he is. He tries to please Louise and reacts to her whims and moods. He isn’t being himself, which is very attractive to a girl. You shouldn’t change yourself if the partner can’t be attracted to the real you. Life is too short to spend your life pretending to be someone you aren’t or to be with someone who doesn’t value the real you. You can’t live just for someone else. Albert tries to win Louise back by saying he’ll change to whoever she wants him to be. This is silly. There is over seven billion people in this world. I truly believe that there is someone for everyone in this world. Just because one person can’t see the true value in you, it doesn’t mean that no one else will. As painful as it may seem, sometimes the best action is simply to cut that person out of your life and find that person or more likely persons, who will love you for the real you. Become the best version of you not the person that your ex wants you to be.

 

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Deal not dwell. In the film Albert moans about the breakup to his friends. He hits the drink, sleeps all day and follows around Louise and her new boyfriend all the time. He dwells on the breakup rather than deal with it. I know this is very wrong from personal experience. I didn’t stalk but I used to sit and over analyse everything that happened, everything that was said and apply it as a value to me, regardless of the mood that she was in when she said (e.g. angry, spiteful etc). The more I thought about what had happened, the more I kept living in that moment. Every time I thought of that time, I was living at the time of the breakup. I was looking at time that I couldn’t change and using all my energy to try and believe I could and think what I would have done differently. As you can imagine, this left me with no energy for meeting new people, no energy for social skills to woo another, no energy to even bother about keeping groomed and dressed properly to impress future partners etc. Basically, my dwelling on the breakup caused a personal black hole for me. All my attention, energy and focus was getting sucked up into this black hole of despair that I had created for myself. As much as I loved my ex, I finally realised this wasn’t healthy and needed to change.

However, you will need to come to that realisation yourself. Your friends and family can tell you that it is silly to think about it and only focus on her and long for their return but it won’t matter. Until you pull away from your own black hole and refocus on navigating a new star path, it doesn’t matter what others say. You must do it for yourself, for your sanity and for your own happiness. It will be tough and it will take time. What worked for me was to create a buzzword in my head. Whenever my thinking turned to anything to do with that breakup, I said my word in my head and immediately aimed to change what I was thinking about. It slowly begins to work. Your thinking is like any other muscle memory. If you think about something a lot, it slowly begin to get burnt stronger and stronger into your memory banks. So when something reminds you of your ex, your brain goes to the strongest ex memories and unfortunately for you, it’s your ex memories you don’t want. To break a strong memory routine – in this case stop thinking of your ex – and one that you want to change, you need to reinforce a new thinking patterns and strengthen the memories muscles to use this one instead of your old painful memories. The buzzword for a change in thinking really helped me and the following actions did too.

Discover not rebuild. When you breakup with someone, you will feel terrible and your own self esteem and value of yourself will be very low. As you get over the breakup, you start to feel more like your old self and even that you are rebuilding yourself to be like you were when you first met your ex and where in the relationship. However, this is wrong. Rebuilding yourself makes it sound to yourself as if there is something wrong with you. There isn’t. The other person just doesn’t feel that way about you anymore. You can’t win/attract/plead someone back if they don’t want to be with you. It just won’t work and if you do someone how manage to persuade them back, it won’t last. There needs to be attraction and love or it will never last, regardless of how big and dramatic gestures you offer to make may be. So what should you do instead? Discover yourself. You need to discover who you are, the real you, not the you that you become when you try to keep your partner happy. Too many people in relationships simply fall into a ‘meh’ existence where they merely survive, formulating the belief that the relationship makes them happy, where in fact it is holding them back. By using the discover outlook, you look deep within and look to accomplish goals you’ve had that you’ve forgotten about whilst you were in a relationship. You find your boundaries by attempting new activities and partake in new experiences. Instead of trying to rebuild what you think you are missing, you turn the spotlight inward and look to see what you are capable of doing. As you progress further and further on your discovery journey, you will notice that you begin to change. Your views on life and where you are heading will change, you will notice old fears changing and most importantly, for the majority of people, your view of your ex will change. For many, you will see that they are not the person you thought them to be, instead they may have been the person that has been holding you back all this time. Why try to rebuild the old when you can discover frameworks to play with?

 

Your Discover Toolkit

So let’s look at some ways that you can start on the discovery path:

  • Don’t stalk and follow her around just to keep her in your life. You can’t make her love you back anymore. As tough as it is, accept it and make no contact with her or her new partner (you don’t want them to sing the moustache song at you!). So if this means deleting her off facebook, deleting her number off your mobile, unfollowing her on Twitter etc, then so be it. You should initiative the 30 Days No Contact procedure. It is as simple as it sounds. 30 Days. No Contact from them or to them for 30 days. All is ignored. At the end of the thirty days, you decide if you want to speak to them or not. The need to have them back will have died down and in most cases, you won’t want to speak to them again.
  • Don’t try to make them jealous. It won’t work and will just make you seem sad. The person who is trying to make the other person react is the weakest. Why would a strong person try to make someone jealous by pretending they are having a great life? Why would you care what they think of you after the breakup? Why waste your energy on them when you could be spending all your energy on fashioning an awesome new life and being amazing?
  • Remember fun? Go out and have some! Those things that you wanted to do but couldn’t as you were in a relationship – go and do them. Those new activities, new bars, new clubs and meals out you wanted to try but your partner said no to – go and do them. Pick a sport or an activity that you wanted to try and go and do it. It’s not all about just doing new things. Do things that you enjoy and make you happy. Spend your new found time doing things that you enjoy and make you happy inside, not things that you merely did to make your partner happy. Make a list of fun things you want to do. Then go and do them. Start now … or after when you’ve finished reading this article and liking it first!
  • Embrace the new as well as the old. Go out. Meet new people. Try new things with the new people. Learn new skills or just go out to have. How about Rock climbing? Maybe a Cooking classes. Whatever it is, throw yourself into it full on. It’s not about what you do or how much you do. It’s about finding new interests and discovering who you are. It’s time to find out who the real you is. Build your confidence and self-esteem by doing these new things. As you expand your horizons and boundaries, your confidence will soar. Slowly but surely, you will become the Next Level version of yourself. Become the guy you want to be and women will become more attracted to the real you rather than the diluted version you have been acting like whilst in a relationship.
  • Find a new mission for yourself. If this is a new project at work, a career change, taking up a new sport or whatever, find a new mission that is solely for yourself and the betterment of yourself. The new mission will make you change, learn new skills and work yourself better to accomplish it. It will make you better solely for you, not your ex. You can then use that momentum to explode and better all other areas of your life. As you get better, you will meet better and better quality of women and your ex may become a distant memory as you go further and further along the discovery path. You may find that you can do a lot better!
  • Be open to everything. New experiences. New places. New people. New partners. As tough as it may seem to think about right after a break up, there will be other women or men who can replace them and maybe better than your ex. By just focusing on one person, you don’t notice the other people looking to meet someone as awesome as you. Be open to love others as much as you are open to trying a lot of new things.
  • Don’t grow a moustache. A lot of people will see them and fancy it after this movie yet the vast majority will look like grade A dickheads with them. You’ve been warned!

 

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Read this article. Work with the toolkit above and you’ll move on from your ex partner quickly. I didn’t follow the advice above and suffered badly. I kept breaking my heart by reliving the good bits and being teary at the bad parts. I was deeply in love with my ex and struggled to move on. The stuff above works as it is what I used to move on from my first love. Have a read and try the toolkit. See how it works for you. Let me know what you think in the comments below.

 

Want the DVD?

5 scary facts about porn

Today, we have a cracking guest post from Chad Howse, one of the top fitness coaches on the internet today. I’ve known Chad for a while now and he runs a honest, straightforward man-development blog called Chad Howse Fitness. Chad’s article are in-depth, life-altering, and sometimes just the kick up the ass you need.

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Warning: This email contains information of a sensitive nature. Reader discretion is advised. 

There are many reasons why we men would want to increase our testosterone levels. All of them, in a roundabout way, whether it’s to look better, feel better, or be better, can be linked to one thing: SEX.

Yet with all the dietary, supplemental and exercise methods you can use to boost testosterone levels and increase your sex drive in the process… 

I Prefer These 3 NATURAL Methods to Increasing T (read all 3)

With that said… there’s one increasingly popular activity that may be the primary reason for an inability to ‘get it up.’ And with our manhood linked so tightly to our sexual performance, that’s pretty darn scary!

The activity: watching porn. Here are 5 scary facts about porn and how it’s destroying your sex drive and your manhood. 

WARNING: I understand how some of this may sound far-fetched and I hate to be the one to crash a good time. It’s not my opinion – how this activity is killing your sex drive – so, let’s just stick to the science. No judging. No guilt-trips. No bible-thumping. Just straight talk man-to-man! Cool? 

1. It diminishes your desire for sex in the real world.

When you watch porn your brain releases chemicals, like dopamine, that are triggered by the visual stimulation that pornography provides and acts just as the physical stimulation of sex. What happens, though, is you become increasingly dependent on the visual stimulation to get aroused, in turn, relying less on the physical touching and caressing of real sex.

2. The more you do it the more you need it.

Becoming dependent on pornography works like any other addiction. You become addicted to the high (dopamine), and it’s this high and this high alone that will satisfy your craving.

So where you once loved to have sex with your lady, you’re now hooked on the visual stimulation that triggers those parts in your brain responsible for pleasure even more intensely – and more frequently – than actual sex now does.

Note: Have you tried to quit porn? Not so easy, am I right? This isn’t because you just like it, it’s because you’re actually addicted to it…

3. It will make you desire your lady less.

As you get used to this visual stimulation, usually filled with massive boobs and acts that a respectable lady would never partake in, you require the same stimulation… (and eventually more nasty stuff which leads to a pretty disgusting downward and dangerous slope, stuff like physical abuse, choking, and weird stuff of the sort).

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MINI RANT: 

Your lady has no chance of performing like a highly paid porn star (most pull in upwards of $1,500 a scene and $250K a year!) just like YOU have ZERO chance of performing like a paid male porn star. 

And would you actually want her to? Think about it. Would you want the mother of your children or wife or future wife (or dare I say, your daughter or sister or niece) to be degrading herself like those paid performers do? Would you want other men to be objectifying her? Sorry to hit close to home but THOSE girls ARE someone’s daughters, sisters and mothers! That’s what you call smelling salts … 

And another thought… Imagine if your lady thought it was normal for you to please her for 45+ minutes because she watched too much porn that distorted her view of reality. How would you feel as a man if you couldn’t satisfy her like she thought you were “supposed to?” I don’t know about you, but that would be pretty demoralizing to my self-esteem. Switch the roles!

RANT OVER.

Listen … the porn industry in the U.S. alone pulls in over $13 BILLION DOLLARS annually and is destroying families and relationships left and right, which is partly the reason why you won’t hear this from very many other sources – because porn = big money. 

It’s worked its way into our society to the point that if you’re a guy and you’re proving that porn is bad you’re simply not cool or living in the dark ages.

But I want the truth. I want you to live an epic life filled with an epic sex drive and I want you to experience it the way it was intended!  

If you’re wondering how in the world we got on the topic of porn… you can thank fitness expert and author Chad Howse, who recently wrote an ebook that is MUST READ material for anyone who wants to be a real man! 

It’s called The Man Diet and after you grab a copy (it’s 50% off right now) you’ll also get a chance to pick up his Epic Sex Guide, which discusses this stuff on porn more in depth. You can check it out here: 

==> How to Naturally Increase Your Testosterone Levels & Boost Sex Drive

Onto reason #4… 

4. Your expectations change dramatically.

I just touched on this briefly, but you may have started with “simple porn,” or sex between a man and a woman, where they’re simply “doing it,” but how long did that last before you needed to “upgrade” to a whole other level of porn (or frequency) to find that same stimulation?

My guess is, not long. And once you’ve advanced to more degrading pornography, the snowball effect is in full swing and you’ll soon have to graduate once again to even more graphic stuff and this can lead to a life of lies, guilt and shame… Not what I want for you and NOT what you deserve.  

You’ll eventually get to the point – if you’re not already there – where only the most perverse acts stimulate you in the same way that the “simple porn” once did. It’s these acts that no respectable woman will perform – sorry, it’s just the truth. 

And so, with no woman able to stimulate you in the same way or same frequency pornography does, you’re left unable to perform “normal,” good, loving sex with a partner because of your dramatically changed expectations.

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5. It’s a great way to become impotent.  

Embarrassing! A man’s worst nightmare, whether you’re 26 or 66. Let’s run through this as simply as possible…

You want to, in a roundabout way, increase your testosterone levels so you can have more and better sex with your lady, through building muscle or burning fat or directly impacting your sex drive.

But you also want to watch porn. Ah, a dilemma. As you watch porn you’re stimulated by the visual act occurring in front of you. But that act needs to evolve, so you evolve your tastes. You require weirder and weirder stuff to get off until it’s all you can get off to.

You become dependant on porn to have a boner.

If you’re not experiencing this yet… you WILL.

One of my favorite quotes is: Small Steps, Big Destruction! 

Watching a little porn isn’t going to ruin your life overnight… just like one cookie won’t ruin your body overnight… It’s The Compound Effect (which is another brilliant book by the way). No woman can fulfill this visual stimulation even if they’re willing to do the messed up, degrading stuff that you’re watching…. and even after a lot of booze…

Another thought: You want a woman who will challenge you to become a respectable and noble man, not one who allows you to degrade her at a moment’s notice – am I right?

So you want to boost testosterone to have more sex, better sex, and fulfilling sex, but there’s one thing that’s standing in your way and that’s your addiction to pornography.

Now you’re at a crossroads. Is it porn you want or sex you want? 

Listen… this is one of those real issues every man needs to wrestle with and DEAL WITH…. Don’t sweep it under the rug or else it’ll come back and embarrass you, and dare I say destroy you… 

It takes a real man to recognize this stuff has zero positive benefit. It’s a downward spiral. It can ruin your life. I know this sounds really crazy based on the culture we live in…

I understand that everything around you is telling you to indulge. If you’re a “real” guy, you’re supposed to be a sexual beast, a stud, a leader of the pack, a stallion the ladies can’t resist — right? 

WRONG!

You’re supposed to be a man STRONGER than his physical urges or emotional responses. You’re supposed to be a warrior who is willing to FIGHT for something more important than yourself. 

Read that OUT LOUD 10x! 

It all starts by learning how to optimize your body’s testosterone levels naturally, which will help you look better and feel better and that will give you the confidence to do better and be better – the only two ways to leave a true legacy!

====>   Grab a copy of The Man Diet if you’re ready to start winning the battles that matter most in a man’s life!

LASTLY: 

If I came across as judgmental in any way, shape, or form, it was NOT MY INTENTION. And if my message causes feelings of guilt, again… NOT MY INTENTION. It’s NEVER too late to TURN AROUND. 

You are DESTINED for greatness and I refuse to let you end up on the path of destruction. I refuse to let your life turn into a slow-motion train wreck.

Listen, this article was NOT easy to write. I’m a hot blooded Italian man and I struggle with this stuff every single day, like everyone else.

And I know that us men will go to great lengths to fool ourselves, working hard to deny that we’re risking everything for a few moments of pleasure. Stand firm, my friend! 

Anyway, this email is now longer than I planned so let’s end here and give you the same resource that got me all fired up to write this today. 

==> Order The Man Diet Right Now (50% off for 48 more hours)! 

Chad

P.S. To boost testosterone levels and sex drive naturally, there are more factors than simply diet and training that you need to be aware of…

There’s the mental side of things, the porn side of things, and much more, but everything – and I mean everything – is covered in the link below to make you an optimal, epic, legendary man both in the weight room and in the bedroom and I can’t recommend this program below strongly enough. I think it’s exactly what you’ve been looking for:

==> How to Boost Testosterone and Forge an EPIC Sex Drive

Guest Post: How to increase your attraction level

Hi all, whilst I am taking a short break from writing as I finish some other projects, I am pleased to announce a new article from Sebastian for your viewing pleasure. Let me know what you think in the comments below!

 

In case you are already confident when you approach women and it is absolutely no problem for you to approach even the hottest girls, but you still don’t get the results you want to achieve, you might act in a way that isn’t attractive to women. As soon as you approach a girl there are a few things you can do that will help you to increase your attraction level.

Of course it is important that the girl is at least slightly attracted to you from the beginning, otherwise no tactic in the world can turn a totally disinterested woman around and transform her into a girl who is begging to suck your dick. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. However, there are some things you can do during an interaction that make you more attractive to the girl you are interacting with.

The process of increasing your attraction level can basically be divided in two main aspects that you have to consider. Because those two main aspects might be a little bit too abstract to put them directly into practice I want to provide you with a few practical things you can do in order to automatically act according to the two principles that will increase your attraction level.

 

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Being Confident

The first principle that will make you more attractive to women during a conversation is by showing her that you are a confident guy. Self-confidence is one of the most attractive things in a man and I have never met one girl who said that she doesn’t prefer confident guys over a guy who acts in a very shy and insecure way. Now, how do you show a girl that you are confident?

During an interaction there are mainly two things you can do. First of all you should approach her by walking up to her in an upright position and by smiling at her in a seductive way while being totally relaxed. I am talking about meeting women with a self-confident body language.

Thereby, you shouldn’t try too hard and walk around like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his best days by showing that you are able to sprawl out your arms and walk around as if you shitted yourself. A self-confident body language has nothing to do with acting arrogant or totally exaggerated. All you have to do is to relax and to walk up to her by having a normal posture that communicates that you are okay with yourself. Before I forget it, it also helps when you smile, to show her that you are a fun guy and not a serial killer.

The second thing you can do to show her that you are a confident guy, which will eventually increase your attraction level, is to look her in the eyes. Thereby I don’t mean that you should look her in the eyes for a second and as soon as she looks back you look away because you can’t take the pressure. That’s not the best way to attract women. By looking her in the eyes I mean that you are able to hold eye contact and to show her that you are more confident than 99% of the guys she met, who are not able to look a girl straight in the eyes. Of course many of us were raised in the belief that it is impolite to look another person straight in the eyes. That’s why it is necessary to relearn this ability by starting to practice prolonged eye contact and eventually putting this skill into practice.

 

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Being Sexual

Besides showing the girl you are with that you are a self-confident guy who has balls of steel you also have to show her that you are a guy who knows how to use those balls of steel. You have to communicate to her that you are okay with being not only a human being but also a sexual being and that you are interested in her in a sexual way.

This automatically increases your attraction level and prevents you from getting labeled as “such a nice guy” or “a good friend”. There are mainly two things that are highly effective when you want to show a girl that you have a sexual interest in her. You can express this interest either by saying something sexual or by acting in a sexual way.

The best way to say sexual things is by transforming a regular conversation into a flirt. By flirting with her you show her that you are a fun guy who is not ashamed of saying things that can be interpreted in a slightly sexual way. By allowing her to interpret your words in whatever way she wants, you also allow her to associate you with sex. This eventually leads to her feeling the desire to sleep with you.

Another way of being sexual with a girl is by touching her. By doing this you should be careful that you are not too aggressive and too forward right from the beginning. Start in a subtle way by touching her arm when she says something funny and as soon as you see that she is comfortable with being touched by you, you can increase the intensity of your touching. This behavior can lead to a kiss after five minutes of talking, whereas the guy who doesn’t touch girls only gets the usual hug.

 

 

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Bio:

My name is Sebastian and I am the owner of www.seductionsextravel.com. My vision is to help men to live a life true to themselves and a life in which they can be authentic, honest and confident in the presence of women. I write articles about foreign dating and seduction in different cultures. My goal is to inspire men all over the world to embrace the art of seduction and to live a life full of unforgettable sexual experiences and adventurous travel.