Month: April 2012

How to deal with someone who heckles you – Jimmy Carr

 

 

SO WHO WE LOOKING AT?

Character: Jimmy Carr
From: Stand Up Comedian and TV Show Presenter
Type: Comedy Stars

 

WHAT ARE THE CLIPS ABOUT?

In these videos, we are treated to a mixture of clips on how Jimmy Carr deals with Hecklers (people shouting things at Carr – unplanned and uncensored) and seeing how he deals with them … in a very hilarious manner! The clips are recordings from his stand up act in various cities during his sell out tour.

 

SO WHY SHOULD I CARE?

Firstly, Jimmy Carr is hilarious and is one of my favourite comedians. However, it is his ability to react to situations and deal with ‘abusive’ people that makes him so awesome, in my opinion. Watch the clips and see what I mean. I’m sure we have all been there, in a nightclub or pub and you are talking to a girl. Suddenly, a friend of hers or a random dude comes up and starts insulting you, heckling what you say or do and trys to out-Alpha you (no such thing but guys say it!) – do you know how to react? Watch Carr and see how a master does it. Carr goes out, on his own every night, to a crowd who are encouraged to shout out and interact with him. You can well imagine how quickly they will tell him if he sucks. Yet, instead of being fearful of the potential rejection from the crowd, Carr goes from strength to strength. Instead of shrinking under such pressure, you can see Carr build in confidence. He actually embraces the crowd and uses their shout outs to have a great time himself. You can see how passionate he is about making people have a great time.

 

OK THEN, WHAT SHOULD I LOOK OUT FOR?
  • Carr never takes anything personally. The crowd can shout out anything, it can get really insulting or personal but Carr is never phased. He simply turns towards the person who shouted and deals with them, in a calm and humorous manner.  Carr shows that he is superior by not reacting aggressively. He knows where his strengths lies and uses his brain instead of his fists.  He welcomes the person who shouted by talking to them for a few minutes – bringing them into the act – and then rips the mick out of them. As they are part of the group, they know they cannot act aggressive as it will shun them from the others. Therefore, the person has to just accept it. As Carr does it from a calm and confident manner, the recipient accepts it.
  • Carr doesn’t change. He doesn’t change his style of working for anyone. He is just as cheeky to girls as he is to guys (even the scary looking ones). By doing this, Carr never puts anyone on a pedestal, or makes it appear that they are better than him. Carr has his own beliefs and sense of humor. By not changing for anyone, he sends out a clear message that he is his own man and will not change regardless – people respect such displays of self-assurance.
  • Carr is his own man. Compare how comedians are normally dressed (jeans and t-shirt) to how Carr is dressed (suit).  Dressed and styled like a Public Schoolboy, Carr is the ideal choice of person to be insulted by people who are trying to make themselves look cool to the girls etc – e.g. the ‘school’ bully type. However, Carr is unlike the usual ‘geek’ as he answers his hecklers back. He doesn’t take it to heart – like a bully is relying on – and instead answers them back and makes them look stupid to their friends, instantly wiping out there social credit. Carr is not the type of comedian who plays it safe either.
  • Carr is not PG. He doesn’t follow social norms. He simply talks about things that he finds funny and entertaining, not altering his material or style to befriend or appease anyone. Carr is therefore acting congruent to his beliefs by being his own man and not changing to suit others. Carr simply speaks as he thinks – something that we should all do. Something that you will notice with Carr is that he says a lot of jokes which many would consider inappropriate, especially if a weaker person was saying it. However, when Carr says it, you can feel that he is saying what he believes, you can feel the passion and confidence he feels, you accept Carr saying it. This is because Carr leads you through the joke, he commands the attention from the audience and he builds social proof from the audience – the rest of the crowd laugh, so you feel OK to laugh too. Carr takes the risks and you feel part of his group. As the crowd become more enthralled in him, the group accept him.

 

OK, HOW CAN I BECOME LIKE THAT?
  • Go out as much as possible. You can not practice how you will deal with people heckling you, without putting yourself in situations where you have it happen. Go out regularly, to the clubs and pubs, especially where you will find drunken idiots who have no game and instead can only try and scare other males away. When you go out, chat to everybody – eventually, people will be cheeky or poke fun at you. This is the environment you need because as it happens, again and again (trust me it will!), you will slowly build a hard shell, a level of resistance to it and it won’t upset you as much. You will learn to accept the heckle, not to take anything personally (as you will see the real reason for the heckle) and simply respond to the person in a fun manner and make it part of an enjoyable night. Your goal for the night should be to go out and have a great time (women should be a secondary challenge). Carr actually encourages people to heckle as he now enjoys it, he enjoys the social interaction with the crowd.
  • Flip how you view the heckle. The problem with most people is that you take the heckle personally and let the heckle cut into their ego. However, this is the wrong way to look at it. When you take heckles personally, you are reactive to the other person, which shows beta behaviour. Instead, you should consider the motivation of the heckler. In the case of Carr, the person shouting out, is wanting to be seen as cool by the rest of the crowd – they are not wanting to personally insult Carr. Carr realises this and simply uses the heckle to make the person look stupid in front of the group and have everyone have a good time – what you should be aiming for in a night out. Next time, look at who is heckling you. If it is a friend for example, they may be trying to make themselves feel better or impress a girl. If it is a random guy for example, he may be seeing you as a threat and competition to the girl he wants. So instead of getting aggressive or backing away from someone heckling, instead look at their motivation and use it against them like Carr does.
  • Enjoy the interaction. Watch how Carr enjoys dealing with the hecklers. As each person shouts out, you can see him smile. Each time someone heckles him, it brings the full audience attention back onto him. The heckler is making Carr the centre of attention – the same thing that a heckler is doing when they pick on you on a night out. Forget what their intention is and instead accept it as a chance to lead the group. Why would you want to ruin that by becoming aggressive? Simply laugh it off, crack a joke or answer back and use it as social proof to those watching, that you are the Alpha of the group and the women will come flocking to you!
  • Be your own person. What makes Carr so successful, is that he isn’t a usual comedian. Carr says things that he finds funny – regardless of how against the norm that society is demonstrating. Remember that people can pick up on your motivations as to why you do what you do. Carr is successful as you see that this is him, he is being congruent to who he truly is. Stop trying to be someone that you aren’t. Embrace the unique and strange things about yourself. Tell jokes that amuse you, do the things that you like regardless how they go against parents wishes, what your friends or partner thinks you should do. Stop caring what others think of you. Imagine how boring life would be if we were all the same (look at how dull the music scene is just now as bands are just carbon copies of each other). Be proud of who you are. Celebrate your tastes, dress as you want, talk about thing that interest you. When you do this, you become congruent and women will pick up on this. Congruency is attractive to women as it shows the man is not a fake and who he says he is. Women have to deal with a lot of people who pretend to be who they aren’t. A lot of a woman’s initial bitchy behaviour, is typically a ‘shit-test’ to see if they are as real as they claim to be. Overcome this by showing that you are an Alpha Male and 100% congruent in your thoughts, actions and beliefs. This is what women want in a guy.

 

So what do you think? Could you handle hecklers like Jimmy Carr does? What would you do differently? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Thanks.

Stop this Shit: Mikey (Swingers)

 

Lately during some nights out, I’ve noticed a lot of the Beta behaviours are creeping back into the way dudes are acting around women. Moreover, I am getting a barrage of questions on Beta behaviours to avoid. So, I thought it would be ideal to bring out a section on Beta behaviours, actions and Beta males to show you the shit to avoid, when interacting with women and in life in general. Let’s begin …

 

Who we looking at?:

Character: Mikey

From: Swingers

What is the Clip about?: In this clip, our hero is going up to the bar to buy a drink. At the bar he meets the hot Nicki, and ‘chats’ to her. Some how he manages to get her number (later on in the film), yet, this is a painful conversation and I had to show this!

 

Stop doing this Shit:

Mumbling to women – Understand that you are a man and anything you have to say – regardless of what it is as long as it is important to you – is worth saying. Women will listen to anything you say, if you value what you are saying. they can sense passion and congruence in the guys values and beliefs in what you say. By mumbling, you are ‘telling’ her subconsciously that you do not value what you are saying and have no faith in yourself. Talk loud, clear and proud! Own it.

Taking things personally – Watch how Mikey squirms when she mentions about the job application. He takes it like a dagger to his ego. Nicki merely mentions it, not as a personal attack, more as she remembers their last meeting. Start becoming numb to things like personal insults and congruence tests. Women test you to see what calibre of man you are. Nicki didn’t care about the job application but Mikey is making the conversation awkward as he obviously does. He is not living the image that he is trying to portray to her and this is a subtle thing that women are very good at picking up on. An Alpha Male does not take things to heart – he is too busy leading (or working towards) a great life to care what others think of him.

Not Proud of what he is doing – Watch how Mikey squirms when he thinks that the girl may be thinking bad of him (about the Coffee shop application – which some would see as a low-value action). Stop caring what others think of you. So what if Mikey’s career is not working out so far – he should be proud that he is trying to achieve his goals. He is not doing what others do and simply following convention to fit in. So what if you need to take a poorly paid job to tide you over as you move towards your end goal – if it helps you in working towards a end goal, no action is worthless. Stop living your life to show or pretend to others that you are a worthy human in their eyes and simply work towards your own goals.

High pitch voice and Talking Fast to fill in Space – Let’s get one thing clear, it IS OK to have quiet time in a conversation! You do not need to fill in the silent moments. Watch other people talk and you will notice that it is typically the beta male who is filling in the silence as he tries to win the other person over by keeping them talking to him. It is almost as if they are trying to prove they are worth talking to – not attractive to women! Also, man the fuck up in terms of your voice. A high pitch squeal is not going to win you any favors with the ladies. High pitch is normally used when something is in pain or panicking – hardly endearing to women. Women have been ‘trained’ since Caveman days to seek out the most masculine and Alpha member of the group to mate with, and a deep voice (fuelled by testosterone) is a sign of a Alpha male. So remember: Talk slowly an calmly in the masculine voice you were born with. Stop trying to talk fast and force words in. Talk naturally and win her over with the person you are, not the person you are trying to portray to her you are. As you get better with this, you will notice that she will start trying to keep the conversation going when you fall silent, as she tries to win you over. Stop letting her be the buyer. Make her sell herself to you by showing you value.

Cant look her in the eye – Watch how Nicki can look Mikey in the eye no problem at all, yet he crumbles when he looks at her – constantly changing where he is looking when he meets her eyes. If eyes are the windows to our souls, imagine what message about himself that Mikey is sending by not being able to look Nicki in the eye! She is just a woman at the end of the day. There are literally BILLIONS of them. Don’t get hung up on one – she isn’t special. Look her the eye and see her real self. You are valuable and more than worthy of her. Look her in the eye and communicate this to her. Build up to it as you need to (Read this to learn more ) but remember – an Alpha Male always looks it’s prey square in the eye as it tackles it!

Fidgeting – It’s painful to watch how Mikey fidgets around Nicki. She is practically still throughout the conversation, unless she is turning to do something she needs to do, her actions have a purpose. Mikey on the other hand, is completely uneasy with himself and his hands and body fidget as he talks. This is his brains way of using up the fear and panic emotions he is enduring in his body. Fidgeting shows a lack of confidence in yourself and what you are saying. For god sake, put your drink down! Put your hands in your pocket or by your side. Fidgeting is a beta behaviour and may scare women away (especially if you stand and fidget with you hand in your pocket!). Get over the panic and fear you feel by putting yourself into pressure situations. For example, go out and approach again and again. Get over the initial fear of the approach. By approaching consistently, you teach your brain that there is nothing to fear and the automatic release of fear (as you stepped out of your comfort zone) will disappear, as your brain adapts to the pressures of approaching.

Doesn’t escalate – Notice how the conversation goes nowhere fast. Mikey simply reacts to what Nicki is saying. He doesn’t really open her, she just starts talking to him. Mikey doesn’t talk to her but really, he just answers her. Instead, be proactive and talk to her, self amuse as you do. Stop letting her judge you, make her work in the conversation to see if she is good enough for you! You should always be escalating. Ask her for her number, try for a kiss close, try and take her home. Always be escalating and prepared to burn our the conversation. I have come away with too many what if’s in my life by not doing this. You may find her ‘bitchy’ attitude was actually a congruence test and so on. You never know what may happen but a ‘Fuck off’ from her is probably the worst thing that’ll happen if you keep trying to escalate. Trust me though, regrets are far worse!

 

So how did you judge the video – what did you think Mikey did wrong? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

 

 

How to be passionate in what you do – Gordon Ramsay (Kitchen Nightmares)

 

 

 

 

 

Who: Gordon Ramsay
From: Kitchen Nightmares (UK and USA)
Type: Celebrity Chef

 

What’s the clips about?

These clips are a great example of someone who has genuine passion for what they love to do and hold others to the same high standards that he holds for himself. The clips show how Ramsay is congruent in his thoughts and actions and how they align to his beliefs.

 

What should I watch out for?
  • Ramsay talks to everyone exactly as he feels. Notice how he doesn’t change how he speaks to people just because of their age, or gender. Watch the video of the two blondes trying to interrupt him, he just tells them exactly as he’s thinking. Those two girls would be used to guys (beta) putting them on a pedestal because of their looks but not Ramsay, he doesn’t suck up to no one.
  • In the ‘Manager Fired’ video, notice how Martin (the beta male) talks compared to Gordon. The beta male talks quickly and in a high pitched voice, he doesn’t seem to have conviction in what he is saying. Martin seems unable to look Ramsay in the eye. An Alpha Male stands up for what he believes in, he is not afraid to back down from a challenge – Ramsay stands up for what he is saying when Martin interrupts his meeting with the owner.
  • He isn’t afraid of people, he ignores social ‘rules’. Ramsay does as he needs to, to get what he wants. He invades people’s personal space, he doesn’t sugarcoat the negatives, he locks in eye contact and is more than happy to raise his voice to get his point across. In a crowded restaurant, you can hear Ramsay’s voice. He talks as if he is talking through you rather than to you.
  • Ramsay won’t back down from anyone. He is massively passionate about his cooking and business, and will defend his beliefs and techniques to everyone. Watch how when he shouts down the customer who complained about the beef, that the guy backs away from him and tries to seem tough as he is walking away, only to go back to his seat.
  • Ramsay leads from the front. He is willing to take risks to meet his goals for the restaurants he visits. He motivates people, challenging them when needed to get success. He is always thinking outside the box.

 

OK, how can I be like this guy?
  • Have belief in yourself. Stop believing that other people are better than you. Accept that you are perfec the way you are – you do not need someone else’s validation to decide if you are good or bad. Your opinion is worthy, just the same as everyone else’s.
  • Be congruent with what you do. Practice aligning your thoughts with how you act. In other words, if you think something needs to be sid or done then do it. Don’t sugar coat it or try to appease the other person. Stand up for what you believe in. Ensure that you remain 100% congruent, in other words do what needs to be done.
  • Don’t be afraid to go against the grain. beta males try to please everyone whereas a Alpha Male is willing to stand alone rather than say something that he doesn’t believe in.
  • Challenge people. If someone says something or does something that you do not believe in – challenge them. No One has the right to treat you like a piece of shit. No One. Do not let someone else’s opinion of you gauge how you feel about yourself. Speak your mind.
  • Be willing to lead from the front. Just because other people are remaining quiet on a subject, it doesn’t mean that you have too. An Alpha Male will go outside his comfort zone and is willing to take risks to obtain his goals.

 

A lot of people see Ramsay as a bully and not a Alpha Male but I think he stays on the Alpha Male side of the line. He’s passionate about his work, says as he thinks, takes control, leads people and so on. In my book, he’s an Alpha Male. What do you think? Let me know in the comments below.

And the best video ever: