Stop this Shit: Mikey (Swingers)


Lately during some nights out, I’ve noticed a lot of the Beta behaviours are creeping back into the way dudes are acting around women. Moreover, I am getting a barrage of questions on Beta behaviours to avoid. So, I thought it would be ideal to bring out a section on Beta behaviours, actions and Beta males to show you the shit to avoid, when interacting with women and in life in general. Let’s begin …


Who we looking at?:

Character: Mikey

From: Swingers

What is the Clip about?: In this clip, our hero is going up to the bar to buy a drink. At the bar he meets the hot Nicki, and ‘chats’ to her. Some how he manages to get her number (later on in the film), yet, this is a painful conversation and I had to show this!


Stop doing this Shit:

Mumbling to women – Understand that you are a man and anything you have to say – regardless of what it is as long as it is important to you – is worth saying. Women will listen to anything you say, if you value what you are saying. they can sense passion and congruence in the guys values and beliefs in what you say. By mumbling, you are ‘telling’ her subconsciously that you do not value what you are saying and have no faith in yourself. Talk loud, clear and proud! Own it.

Taking things personally – Watch how Mikey squirms when she mentions about the job application. He takes it like a dagger to his ego. Nicki merely mentions it, not as a personal attack, more as she remembers their last meeting. Start becoming numb to things like personal insults and congruence tests. Women test you to see what calibre of man you are. Nicki didn’t care about the job application but Mikey is making the conversation awkward as he obviously does. He is not living the image that he is trying to portray to her and this is a subtle thing that women are very good at picking up on. An Alpha Male does not take things to heart – he is too busy leading (or working towards) a great life to care what others think of him.

Not Proud of what he is doing – Watch how Mikey squirms when he thinks that the girl may be thinking bad of him (about the Coffee shop application – which some would see as a low-value action). Stop caring what others think of you. So what if Mikey’s career is not working out so far – he should be proud that he is trying to achieve his goals. He is not doing what others do and simply following convention to fit in. So what if you need to take a poorly paid job to tide you over as you move towards your end goal – if it helps you in working towards a end goal, no action is worthless. Stop living your life to show or pretend to others that you are a worthy human in their eyes and simply work towards your own goals.

High pitch voice and Talking Fast to fill in Space – Let’s get one thing clear, it IS OK to have quiet time in a conversation! You do not need to fill in the silent moments. Watch other people talk and you will notice that it is typically the beta male who is filling in the silence as he tries to win the other person over by keeping them talking to him. It is almost as if they are trying to prove they are worth talking to – not attractive to women! Also, man the fuck up in terms of your voice. A high pitch squeal is not going to win you any favors with the ladies. High pitch is normally used when something is in pain or panicking – hardly endearing to women. Women have been ‘trained’ since Caveman days to seek out the most masculine and Alpha member of the group to mate with, and a deep voice (fuelled by testosterone) is a sign of a Alpha male. So remember: Talk slowly an calmly in the masculine voice you were born with. Stop trying to talk fast and force words in. Talk naturally and win her over with the person you are, not the person you are trying to portray to her you are. As you get better with this, you will notice that she will start trying to keep the conversation going when you fall silent, as she tries to win you over. Stop letting her be the buyer. Make her sell herself to you by showing you value.

Cant look her in the eye – Watch how Nicki can look Mikey in the eye no problem at all, yet he crumbles when he looks at her – constantly changing where he is looking when he meets her eyes. If eyes are the windows to our souls, imagine what message about himself that Mikey is sending by not being able to look Nicki in the eye! She is just a woman at the end of the day. There are literally BILLIONS of them. Don’t get hung up on one – she isn’t special. Look her the eye and see her real self. You are valuable and more than worthy of her. Look her in the eye and communicate this to her. Build up to it as you need to (Read this to learn more ) but remember – an Alpha Male always looks it’s prey square in the eye as it tackles it!

Fidgeting – It’s painful to watch how Mikey fidgets around Nicki. She is practically still throughout the conversation, unless she is turning to do something she needs to do, her actions have a purpose. Mikey on the other hand, is completely uneasy with himself and his hands and body fidget as he talks. This is his brains way of using up the fear and panic emotions he is enduring in his body. Fidgeting shows a lack of confidence in yourself and what you are saying. For god sake, put your drink down! Put your hands in your pocket or by your side. Fidgeting is a beta behaviour and may scare women away (especially if you stand and fidget with you hand in your pocket!). Get over the panic and fear you feel by putting yourself into pressure situations. For example, go out and approach again and again. Get over the initial fear of the approach. By approaching consistently, you teach your brain that there is nothing to fear and the automatic release of fear (as you stepped out of your comfort zone) will disappear, as your brain adapts to the pressures of approaching.

Doesn’t escalate – Notice how the conversation goes nowhere fast. Mikey simply reacts to what Nicki is saying. He doesn’t really open her, she just starts talking to him. Mikey doesn’t talk to her but really, he just answers her. Instead, be proactive and talk to her, self amuse as you do. Stop letting her judge you, make her work in the conversation to see if she is good enough for you! You should always be escalating. Ask her for her number, try for a kiss close, try and take her home. Always be escalating and prepared to burn our the conversation. I have come away with too many what if’s in my life by not doing this. You may find her ‘bitchy’ attitude was actually a congruence test and so on. You never know what may happen but a ‘Fuck off’ from her is probably the worst thing that’ll happen if you keep trying to escalate. Trust me though, regrets are far worse!


So how did you judge the video – what did you think Mikey did wrong? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.



About the Author
I would modestly describe myself as a Website Badass, Blogging Guru and Self Improvement Wizard! I'm a blogger and entrepreneur who writes to help men develop and better their lives using examples from popular media. My personal journey has been marked by awkwardness and awesomeness, OCD and 'OMG'. I'm 33, a Teuchter and currently resides in the United Kingdom. I've set my own foot on fire whilst reading and been a midwife to sheep! I also run for your website needs!

3 comments on Stop this Shit: Mikey (Swingers)

  1. somebody says:

    Hi. The link to the video is dead…

    1. Anonymous says:

      Hey, thanks for the update. I’ve been trying to find a new video to replace it but none matches the old video. My advice until I can find a new video would be to watch the Swingers movie as it truly is epic in it’s entirity!

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