Month: May 2012

Why not to be Alpha with Ryan Jakovljevic

Today we have something a little different. This installment of the interview series is with someone, who disagrees with the Alpha Male concept and argues that we should be taking another path in life. Have a read and let me know what you think …

 

Alpha Male #4 Ryan Jakovljevic

Where is he normally? You can find him at Don Juaninc – right click and open in a new window please!

Why should I care about what he has to say? Ryan is a genuinely nice guy, who really cares and helps guys become the men they want to be. He may not believe in the Alpha Male concept (see below) but he talks from personal experience and from his convictions which is something to be respected. He covers a range of great topics on his site and his site has a low BS, nice looking theme with regular updates … what more could you want? Check it out but in a new tab please! 🙂

 

AME: Hi Ryan, thanks for taking the time to talk to us. For those of us who don’t know you, can you give us a brief intro about yourself and how you got into the whole ‘getting better with women’ thing?

RJ: Around 13 or 14 years old, when all my friends started dating girls and having sex for the first time, I was doing other things. I wish I could say it was something cool like sports or whatever, but realistically it was more like playing video games or stealing people’s lawn gnomes. Up until I was 17, I had never even made out with a girl, and I was starting to freak out about it. I met a girl by chance and dated her for 3 years, but I found out she cheated on me a bunch and we split.

It really fucked me up on a deep level, and I tried counseling but the only people available for free were terribly under qualified – they were people with 3 month therapy certificates and such. A proper PhD psychologist in Canada bills out at around $185 an hour, and once I by chance got to see one, but he seemed so stiff and professional. It was really hard to relate and achieve progress so I became severely depressed.

I came across “The Game” while searching for answers, and although I now have an intense dislike of the PUA community, it helped get me started. I learned that there were basic principles of social interaction, that unhealthy beliefs, values, and behaviours are all caused by unhealthy experiences and with proper time and effort can be corrected. I enrolled in university and started working toward my PhD in counseling psychology, and started going out 5-6 nights a week to approach women.

After years of studying psychology and actively dating, I started a business to provide an affordable service that was unavailable when I needed it after my breakup. I found an incredible, beautiful girlfriend who I’ve been living with happily for 3 1/2 years now, and make my living helping men with all sorts of issues related to lifestyle, dating, and relationships.

 

 

AME: We are quite similar in terms of background. It’s great that you actually built a business around dealing with your past pains and helping others sort out their issues. Talking of guys psychology, what in your opinion is an Alpha Male and beta male? What are the characteristics he has etc?

RJ: I think the whole concept of being an alpha male is bullshit. My friends are amazing people who are very successful and get with lots of hot girls, but there is no alpha male among us. No guy is the dominant figure of the group. We are on equal ground, as is any other man I meet who treats me in a respectful way. Being an alpha male is by definition being the most dominant figure in a social group, and since we don’t have strictly defined social groups like wolves do it’s very difficult to say anyone is alpha.

Trying to be alpha is itself a beta act, so the best way to be what most people typically consider alpha is to drop the concept of alphaness altogether. Just saying it, writing it, or thinking about it makes me feel like a dweeb. It’s something completely unnecessary, and people who pursue it are extremely insecure and in my opinion are suffering from a severe misunderstanding of social dynamics, interpersonal relationships and attraction. The idea that women need an alpha guy is bizarre to me; being an alpha male is NOT the same thing as being confident, having the balls to stand up for yourself etc.

You don’t need to be an alpha male to get women. There’s no such thing as an alpha male. I don’t even want to talk about this anymore, it just frustrates the hell out of me thinking about all the basement dwellers out there trying to “be alpha” and getting laughed at by everyone for being such a huge dork. It makes my job hard because I have to unwire all this stuff before I can get people to start realizing progress.

This is one of the huge misconceptions that makes me hate “pickup” and the culture associated with it. The quest for alphaness … jesus christ… what it results in is guys trying to be dicks, being hyper sensitive to any perceived threat and reacting in an over the top way in order to “secure dominance” and all kinds of shit like that. The guys who are classically considered alpha put zero thought into embodying it; they’re just guys who are very comfortable with themselves and are very socially intelligent. If you asked them how they became alpha males they would laugh at you and ask you what the fuck you’re talking about.

If I had a dolorian for one day, I would go back and run over the guy who started all this bs. Garbage, unhealthy, counterproductive mentality; I wish people would drop it already.

 

AME: Thanks for the opinion. For me, the Alpha Male concept was to get guys to believe that they were someone of value and could aspire to go to the top if they wanted. I’m beginning to notice some severe negative connotations that are associated with the terms and even though the concept has a lot of positives, I think the negatives will always be too strong. So forgetting about Alphas and betas for now, if you had to give 3 tips to someone completely new to get good at this game with women fast, what would they be?

RJ: Accept that you are not getting the results you want in your life because you do not possess adequate knowledge to do so, and not because of random things that are outside of your control.
2. Don’t try to form roles, alter egos, or identities. Work on yourself and removing social conditioning and limiting beliefs from your life. Ignore the PUA community and all the egos and nonsense associated with it.
3. Figure out why you want to “develop game”. It’s not women – it’s never women. It has to do with a deep sense of dissatisfaction with yourself and who you are at a very deep level. The quicker you identify this and form an action plan to resolve it, the quicker you will see progress.

 

 

AME: Some good tips there. The Internet has a lot of tips and hints but a lot of people’s mistakes come from what they are already doing, not what they need to do. If you had to pick three things that the average guy does wrong in gaming girls (or life in general), what would you pick?

RJ: Being a loser. Displaying validation seeking behaviour. Developing an ego and joining a community of guys developing egos, and assigning worth to people based on how much they get laid.
2. Not being aware of their system of values and beliefs, where their values and beliefs came from, and not taking the time to design a system of values and beliefs that will facilitate the creation of a lifestyle they desire.
3. Not valuing the right things. Getting laid does not make you cool. Posting pictures with random girls and statuses about kissing or having sex with girls does not make you cool. Being a solid person and bringing real value to the table are the best goals you could have.
If you had to pick three things that the average chode does wrong in gaming girls (or life), what would they be?4. Getting defensive and clinging to their worldview. It’s likely you are where you are because your worldview sucks. If people say you’re being a dork, don’t get defensive, consider that they might be right. Trying to be alpha forces people to be all “Haha.. right bro.. I’m a dork.. I got 3 kiss closes tonight.. I’m so alpha” instead of going “Yeah, maybe I am being a douche. How can I improve myself?”

 

AME: So who DO you look up in today’s entertainment and society? Are there people you do consider ‘Alpha’ or even role models?

RJ: There are guys I admire and aspire to be like; Frank Sinatra, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Clive Owen, and Robert Downey Jr. are all great examples. I refuse to use the “A” word anymore, it weirds me out.

 

AME: Your site has some great articles. For someone new visiting, hat do you consider your three best videos/articles that they should check out straight away?

RJ: I would say

1. http://www.donjuaninc.com/how-to-be-attractive-to-women/
2. http://www.donjuaninc.com/should-i-hold-off-on-sex-if-i-want-to-get-serious/
3. http://www.donjuaninc.com/what-to-talk-about-on-a-date/

 

AME: Some good links there. Finally, a much loved question. Can you tell me any tips you have found that shouldn’t work but do – the ones that sound so stupid and absurd that go against what people traditionally think works but they do get results (e.g. ignoring a girl makes her work harder to get you)

RJ: BE YOURSELF! If you can’t be yourself and be successful, transform yourself into someone who can. This is NOT accomplished by using lines, routines, dressing like a stage magician, or using catchy nicknames. It’s accomplished by lots of introspection, work with a mentor or coach, and lots and lots of more introspection. Improving your lifestyle sets the groundwork, the next step is addressing unhealthy values and beliefs that lead to lacking the balls necessary to approach women in the first place, and finally going out and talking to women, getting the experience caps it all off. “Game” is skipping or briefly addressing the first two issues and going straight to number three.

I have yet to see a guy who says he has sick game dating a legit hot, high quality, cool girl. Guys look up to instructors from big companies but when you see the girls most of them are getting with it’s embarrassing. There’s a handful of dudes in the whole industry who are actually cool and get with legit girls… for the most part the advice that’s out there just doesn’t work and misses the point entirely. It’ll get you laid, but it won’t help you lockdown marriage material.

 

AME: Thanks for talking to me Ryan. I certainly agree with the last answer. There are too many people who feel that they need to trick women into bed using lines and other ‘tricks’ as they don’t value themselves to believe they are attractive enough. I hope that this site is helping guys adopt characteristics that are bettering their lives and feeling better about themselves. However, the comments you made about Alpha Males, although going against my site philosphy, actually got me thinking. I have been considering changing the site focus for a while now back to cool characters in entertainment and real life, which was the concept originally. Next up, I’m going to see what my readers really want from this site … keep an eye out guys for the chance to tell me what you think about the site!

 

If you’ve liked this dude and would like to keep up-to-date with what he’s doing, click on the following links to find his stuff:

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Scrawny to Brawny with Nate Green (audio)

Next Level Guy: Nate Green

Where is he normally? Over at Scrawny to Brawny – right click and open in a new window please!

Why should I care about what he has to say? Nate is the kind of guy who I want to be like. In my opinion, he’s a true Alpha Male. He’s got his life sorted, great friends, great girlfriend, great career and he  is constantly pushing to achieve more and more. Yet, he is a genuinely nice guy, who goes out of his way to help everyone. I’ve been trying to get to interview him for years as I had a serious man crush on him! He has golden tips for getting muscle, great beer, good friends, women … basically anything you could want. This interview is pure gold – enjoy!

 

Here’s the interview

Unfortunately, the recording software didn’t work very well. So instead of video, I have audio files. All you need to do, is to click each part below. I apologise for the ‘pain-in-the-arseness’ of it but its worth it, as Nate has given some amazing content!

 

 

Want to go to one of the links mentioned? Here ya go:

 

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Do the Impossible with Joel Runyon

Today, we have the next installment of ‘Alpha Interviews’. Who’s up?

 

Alpha Male #2: Joel Runyon

Where is he normally? Over at the Impossible HQ – right click and open in a new window please!

Why should I care about what he has to say? Joel was once like us … an average guy. He used to work the typical jobs and do the typical things but it was his reaction to being let go from his job that was anything but typical … it was pure Alpha! Joel decided to start challenging himself and doing the things he always dreamed about. He blogged about what happened and in a short space of time, he gathered a large following, proof that the world needs guys like Joel and the ‘Impossible League’ was formed. Joel spends his day helping others turn the Impossible into the Possible in their lives. He’s a cool dude with an awesome message. Let’s see what he’s got to say …

 

AME: Thanks for taking the time to talk to me Joel. For those of us who are maybe new to your work, can you please tell me a little about yourself … in other words, how did you go from an average dude to a heavyweight blogger?

JR: I started a few years ago and was bored with my life. I was laid off from UPS, unemployed and living at my parents house and I wanted to change a few things about my life and start doing stuff i had never done before. I wasn’t quite sure if I could or if I’d fail miserably, but I was so sick of doing nothing that I just started and I began writing about it on my blog. Everything sort of evolved from there.

 

AME: That is a great reaction to a redundancy, one we should all heed in this current climate. A redundancy is little more than an opportunity to retrain. I can relate as the same thing happened to me earlier in the year.

So where did the ‘Impossible League’ movement come from? Can you describe the philosophy behind it and what someone needs to do to join?

JR: I started the Blog of Impossible Things, because I literally felt like all the things I wanted to do were impossible. As I started actually doing some of those things and crossing them off my impossible list (running my first triathlon, taking 40 people skydiving, and running my first marathon and half-ironman), people began reading and paying attention. I started to realize that in addition to the story I was telling, they had a few stories of their own they were telling. We created the impossible league to help connect those people, encourage them to share their story and keep doing something impossible. If you want to join, all you have to do is start.

 

 

AME: That’s really cool. It’s amazing what you can do, when people just take that first step towards their goal and keep going. So out of all the things you have done so far, what do you consider your greatest achievement? What is the most ‘impossible’ thing that you’ve done?

JR: My first thing that i ever finished where I really felt ‘Wow, that was tough ” was my first Olympic Distance Triathlon. I didn’t run it smart and ended up overheated and dehydrated. That was one of the first times I did something and looked back and thought to myself “I can’t believe I actually did that.” My first marathon was the toughest thing I’ve done. Although I wasn’t in as bad of shape physically, it was much more mentally taxing.

 

AME: I think what puts a lot of people off doing this sort of thing, is that they have no idea where to start. Worse yet, the typical advice on how to start living this sort of lifestyle, really isn’t helpful.There is too much non-sensical information out there from people who don’t do what they talk about and we need to heed advice from those in the know.

Talking of advice, can you tell me any tips that you have found that were so counter-intuative and absurd sounding that shouldn’t work but do? (e.g. ignoring a girl makes her work harder to get you). I love tips like that!

JR: The hard things in life aren’t always as hard as people make them out to be. Just because they seem hard, most people write it off from the get-go and pre-disqualify themselves. So, sometimes, when you go after the impossible things, you actually have less competition than you do if you go after things are that supposed to be “easy.” For example, a lot of people run marathons, but if you’ve never done it before – you tend to think only super-humans can do it. When I started, I never had ran more than 3 miles in my entire life and a year and a half later I finished my first marathon. If you want to do something impossible, you can.

 

AME: That’s inspiring dude! I lived 28 years of my life in a boring, typical stupor so I know the fear and anxiety, that people can feel when they try and move out of their comfort zone.

What would you do to get someone living the ‘Impossible League’ lifestyle? how would you motivate them?

JR:  can’t get anyone to do anything. I can do what I can do to show them what it looks like, but i can’t actually force someone to step outside their comfort zone – they have to choose to do it themselves.

A great example of this is Kurt Swann. I met him at WDS in 2011 and he was disappointed he didn’t come skydiving with the crew. He said he was going to home give it a shot. But he didn’t just do that – he did one jump, then another, and then another and then decided to get certified to jump on his own. I might have planted the idea in Kurt’s head, but the execution was all him.

 

 

AME: Your site is filled with great content but what do you personally believe to be the three best videos/articles? 

JR: I would say
Apathetic Living and the Edges of Reality – http://joelrunyon.com/two3/apathetic-living-and-the-edges-of-reality
Impossible Manifesto – http://impossiblehq.com/manifesto

I’m pretty proud of Impossible TRI as well.

 

AME: Your manage to snag an invite to the ‘Mankind Summit’. You have a chance to talk to all men at once. What do you say?

JR: Stop being so scared to do the things you really want to do and just do them.

 

AME: Finally, do you consider yourself an Alpha Male? Why do you believe or disagree with it?

JR: Alpha Male has a aggressive connotation. I’m competitive, but I don’t feel like I had to fight off people who are potential threats to my ranking. I work at doing what I really enjoy doing and try to be the best at it and it usually turns out well.

 

If you’ve liked this dude and would like to keep up-to-date with what he’s doing, click on the following links to find his stuff:

 

 

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How to Get Women Fast with JT Styles

Hello and welcome to the first in the series of Alpha Male Interviews! In each episode, I will be interviewing an Alpha Male on the latest products, mindsets, techniques and so on, in other words, I’ll be racking their brains to help you improve your game and success with women the fastest. Some of the interviews will be text, some will be audio and if I ever fix my hair, some may even be in video!

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Alpha Male #1: JT Styles

Where is he normally? Get Girls Not Game

Why should I care about what he has to say? JT doesn’t just rehash the same, tired advice that you can find on many blogs – he provides cutting edge, fresh and instantly workable advice. Better yet, he looks at all areas of dating, from what to say, how to improve your mindset, fashion, online dating, how external effects affect your dating and sex life and so on. He doesn’t just talk either, he shows guys how to do this with his coaching programme. This is all wrapped up in a awesome silver themed blog – check it out!

 

AME: Thank you for being here JT. For my readers who don’t know you, can you tell them how you got into the dating/pick up community – what made you want to get a handle on your dating life?

JT: I realized at 24 years of age that I had a BIG problem-

I was a virgin, never kissed a girl, and had absolutely no experience with woman whatsoever.

I used to think that being good with women was something that guys were either born with or not; and at that time I figured I was just not born with it…

That was my belief until I caught an episode of ‘The Pickup Artist’ reality show on VH1. When I saw that getting better with women was something that can be taught and learned, I was convinced I could improve my situation. This was the only motivation I needed to get this area of my life handled.

 

AME: Well you’ve honestly got it covered now! However, if you had to pick three things that the average chode is currently doing wrong in gaming girls (or life), what would you tell them to stop?

JT: In no particular order-

1) Living in hope – “Hope” is an excuse for the average frustrated chump to read dozens of ebooks and attend numerous seminars hoping he’ll change his situation without ever doing anything out of his comfort zone.

Change (real change) only happens when a person takes action (approaching women), which is living in reality…not hope, which is where keyboard jockeys live.

2) Putting women on a pedestal – Before a man ever puts a woman he doesn’t know on a pedestal, he should put himself up on one first.

Women blow off guys because they can sense when a man doesn’t respect himself (because putting women on a pedestal is communicating that a man doesn’t believe he is worthy, and that he isn’t ‘enough’ for her); if a man can’t respect himself, he shouldn’t expect women to respect him either.

3) Playing to lose – Guys don’t want to be rejected, so they’ll seek to avoid rejection or seek to lessen its pain in any way possible. However, when a guy does this, he’s playing it safe…he’s playing to lose. Cowards do this, and women are not attracted to cowards. Chose to be bold and take risks, don’t chose to be a coward and avoid rejection.

 

AME: I personally love the variety and range of your articles. However, someone people can get lost in a sea of great material and not know where to begin. What do you consider your three best videos/articles for a beginner to look at?

JT:  #1 Unleash Your Inner-Pimp: Overcoming Shyness – 10 Tips to not only overcome shyness, but to become a man that confidently approaches the women he’s attracted to.

#2 Sex On The First Date? Yes, This Is For Me – A field report where I highlight and describe my championship mindsets and behaviors during a date.

#3  Decisions Chisel Fate – The decisions I made that chiseled the transformation in my dating life.

(Editors Note: Click any title to read the article on JT’s site)

 

That’s a mission I can get behind!

 

AME: Sticking with beginners, if you had to give 3 tips to someone completely new to get good at this game with women fast, what would they be?

JT: #1) Women desperately want to meet cool guys. Be a cool guy, get girls. That’s it. This means if a guy doesn’t already believe he’s cool, then work needs to be done from within.

#2) It’s best to have a nonjudgement attitude regarding sex so that a women can feel comfortable being sexual around a man; she isn’t worried that a man will lose respect for her just because she expresses her natural desires. Also, women love sex…but they won’t have sex with bitter, insecure, and needy men.

#3) Women won’t pick themselves up; meaning, it’s 100% the man’s responsibility to approach, lead, and take the reigns of a relationship. Women expect this from men, and when a man fails to do this, women become disappointed.

 

AME: One thing that changed how I looked at interacting with women was how sometimes you need to do things that seem wrong to get better with women e.g. ignoring a girl, makes her work harder to get attract you. Can you tell me any tips you have found that are like this? Things that shouldn’t work but do.

JT: It seems the overwhelming majority of pickup material focuses too much on opening. However, opening isn’t a big deal because it takes one second to successfully “open”. Let me explain-

Where most guys fail at opening is not having the girls’ full and undivided attention before they ever even open their mouth. No matter what a guy says or does, if he doesn’t have a girls’ focus entirely on him, then the pickup won’t go very far.

Instead of thinking about opening, guys should be thinking how they can get her attention first.

 

JT PoF Trick

Want results like this? Ask JT!

 

AME: Finally, the big question! Imagine we can get every guy to a ‘Get Better with Women’ summit. You get a few minutes to speak to them all. What speech do you give?

JT:  I’d tell men that getting better with women and improving their current dating situation is definitely something that can be done. I’ve done it for myself, and I’ve seen men of various ages, race, and status accomplish this as well.

The exact subject of accomplishing success with women is detailed over at my blog, Get Girl Not Game. Check it out!

 

Awesome! Well thank you very much for taking the time to speak to us JT, I think our readers will love the new insight and mindsets you’ve provided.

If you’ve liked this dude and would like to keep up-to-date with what he’s doing, click on the following links to find his stuff: