Here are some key points that I would advise you to concentrate on:

• Stephan’s new book is on perserverance, building grit and mental resilience. 
• We all tend to think we are our job, or family member like father etc. However, we need to remember that we all have various parts to our personality, from sports, to career, to family role, to friend group role and so on. We need to pay attention to the creative, physical, work and so on side of our side.
• To perservere, you don’t give up, you go through, change as you need and keep going to your end goal.

“So sometimes the only way out of something is through it. And so the ability to not stop, whether you’re too dumb or too stubborn to stop is an open question sometimes.”

• Stephan used his serious kidney illness to motivate him to come back stronger, to chase a dream he had been putting off for years, and to live a life being greatful for what he had, could do and inspire others. 
• Setting a goal in the future can be used as a ‘carrot’ a motivational tool to keep you moving forward. Others will hire a PT, and use the pain of paying them as a motivational tool to keep going forward. 
• When Stephan’s motivation was low, he used small treats, as a way to motivate him to keep pushing on when he started to struggle. Eg a few pieces of chocolate if he could finish the next few KMs and so on. 

“… it was also a thing that I wanted to check off my life list, right?  There’s nothing like having a near-death experience to remind you that you’re going to die, right? Memento mori, remember you’re going to die. And saying, using that to focus what you really want to get done and what you really want to do. it’s a useful thought exercise. … it’s a useful exercise anyway to say, if I knew I only had couple of years left, what would I really want to do? And what would I really want to experience in that time? And then try and find a way to experience it … you may live longer than two years, right? And if that’s really that important to you, that you’d spend a couple of weeks or a couple of months of your last days on this of your of your last days on this earth doing that then why aren’t you planning and trying to figure out how to do that now”

• Regret can be the most painful thing we can experience. It’s better to fail, learn and have a story than have a lot of regrets. 
• Stephan tragically lost two of his four brothers to accidents in their early twenties. He used the reminders of our mortality, to push him to chase his goals in life. 
• Stephan would focus on what he was doing in that moment, how he was paddling, the rate he was paddling at, the angle he was entering the water with the paddle and so on. By focusing on the moment, he can forget the pain he felt, the overall compelxity of the goal etc, and just focus on one task at a hand, and run the actions procedurally rather than deal with the complex emotions etc that the journey arose. 

“I’m not saying it’s always perfect, but ah having a plan almost always beats having no plan. And that the difference between success and failure often comes down to planning.”

• You can prep, buy all the equipment, have a large team, and so on. However, the saying is true, no plan survives the first contact with the enemy. However, a plan will at least have you thinking about what you need to do, the equipment you need, where you can bail out, who you need to help and so on. Some prep is always needed, and a ability to flow, and adjust on the go. 
• Going on a large-scale trip like Stephan’s can teach you about planning, what you need and what you have space for – and what essential really means in what you take, use and hold onto. 
• Stephan’s journey might not be for you. Your rite of passage or big goal, might be much smaller in comparison. However, reading about his journey, is a great way to be motivated, to see the level of challenge that you need, and to help you be creative and plan your own journey. 

“But I think there is value in doing something difficult, where there’s a chance of a negative outcome and certainly where success isn’t guaranteed.”

• Movement and action will ussually beat over thinking and analysing. A poor attempt moves you further forward compared to repeated planning and no action. 
• The more you drill, and build muscle memory and the nuances of the movement and control. You will fall to the level of your training, rather than to the expectations or needs of the event. So if you train well, you will hopefully match the challenge ahead.  
• Pushing hard is a good thing, trying not to give up is great, but you need to learn when to tap out. Stop, then reset and adjust and try again. Don’t try to be a hero and finish no matter what. Analyse what is happening, where are you going wrong, and how do you need to adjust, reset and continue for better chance of success? 

“So the type of pain and being good at dealing with one kind of pain doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to be good at dealing with another kind of pain. That being said, toughness that you develop in one area is transferable. So you anything you do that’s difficult, whether that’s running or weightlifting or studying really hard to get your master’s degree or jujitsu, focusing on on that when you’re a smaller, older grappler in a class full of big killers, you’re learning things, but you’re also learning how to be tougher and how to learn with adversity and defeat. Because by definition, you’re going to get smashed. Things are not going to go your way. And you kind of get used to this idea of like, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to roll with Ian today and I’m going to use an over under guard pass on him. And then when he thinks that I’m going to go for the guard pass, I’m going to go for the dog bar. And then you, you crush me with, I don’t know, Kazakotami or something. I had a plan. I tried to make it work, but didn’t work. This is normal. If we can internalize that and we can internalize, okay, my plan didn’t go according to plan. And I have to keep going anyway, then I think that carries across.”

• You need to learn how to work at a level just below what you are capable of, so you always have the ability to pull back, to get out of trouble and restart safely. 
• You can’t and shouldn’t expect to do it all on your own. Find coaches, find mentors, find support people, and use friends and family to relax etc. Don’t expect to know it all, research, use people’s experience and skills, to help you achieve your goals.