Month: March 2012

How to fit in when you are different to everyone else – X (Layer Cake)



Character: X (You never learn his name in the film)
From: Layer Cake (2004)
Actor: Daniel Craig


What’s this clips all about?

The first clip shows the official trailer for the ‘Layer Cake’ film and the second clip is the opening monologue narrated by X (Daniel Craig). I feel that X is a great example of someone who is different to the others in terms of their values and life outlook but still fits in with the group and people he has to interact with. I see a lot of people struggling to be part of the group, due to different interests etc, when out with their friends but it’s easy to do so when you know how. X is a great example of how to do this.


 OK, so what should I be looking out for?
  • X creates a distinctive identity for himself by stating that he is not a Gangster, he’s a Businessman. Despite being associated with numerous people, that you could call Gangster’s, X maintains his own individual identity by how he acts and the principles he follows in his life.
  • X has a goal that he is aiming to achieve (£1 Million to finance his ‘retirement’) in his life. It is a good paradox to look at the other guys that he associates with, as you can tell that they work for anyone who will hire them. Instead, X has a streamlined vision of his future and works solely towards achieving that goal. X doesn’t aimlessly wander from action to action, everything he does is working towards his end goal. Notice the way he conducts himself and controls his business, to avoid Police attention, unlike the wannabe Gangsters.
  • X doesn’t try to be anyone else than himself. He openly admits that he doesn’t like violence and instead uses his brains instead of his fists, like the others do. X sees the bigger picture – he knows that the risks and the types of people that he works with, so he aligns himself with people who have the skills he doesn’t (people to protect him etc). He doesn’t pretend to be a scary gangster, he simply uses his individual skills to be irreplaceable and lets others do the ‘muscle’ stuff.
  • Regardless of how non-threatening he is, note how X is still the leader of his group. The other guys may be stronger (or maybe in Clarkie’s case, smarter than him), X is still followed as the leader as he understands the complexity of the business and makes everyone money. X is not afraid to talk direct and look the ‘scary’ people in the eye to get what he wants. He knows the value that he brings to the others.
  • As like most of the other videos, X uses strong eye contact throughout, he dresses the way that makes him confident and he talks slowly, with confidence and uses a deep masculine tone. Note how he seems completely comfortable in all types of society (Gangsters, Accountant, Estate Agents, muscle men …).


That’s pretty cool – how can I be like him?

  • Decide who you are … right now! Once you have a set decision on the type of person you are (smart athletic, blogger who recycles etc etc), make a decision to stand by that image – do not change for anyone. You know the type of person that you are. By pretending to be someone else, you are not being congruent to your principles. Align your actions and choices in life to your chosen identity and if someone doesn’t like it, it’s their problem. Stop trying to please everyone else and be yourself! You will find that people will accept you more than the few who will reject you.
  • Be Sociable. Understand that other people have skills and benefits that you don’t and that people will need what you can do. Accept that life is about give and take, appreciate what you AND them can bring to the group. Accept people as you find them and allow them to be who they are.
  • Become irreplaceable. The reason X was able to lead the Gangsters and mix with the top criminal hierarchy was because he was highly skilled at his job. He was not like the others but managed to do things that the others couldn’t. Develop yourself and your skills. Learn new things and become the go to guy on whatever interests you. Don’t try to fit in (try-hard’s are naturally unattractive to girls), just work on yourself and you will find that people will naturally appreciate you for what you do. In other words, ensure that you give value to others and don’t suck it from the group.
  • Decide what you will accept and what you won’t. Never backtrack on your values. Also, value your time. Just because you are part of a group, always be willing to walk away. I’ve met too many people who have done things they normally wouldn’t have to remain part of a group – when you change for someone else, you’ve already lost. Interact on your own terms like an Alpha Male should.


So what do you think? Is X a good example to follow? Would you be able to fit in with friends etc and live your life on your terms if you followed X’s example? Let me know what you think, in the comments below. All comments are encouraged and welcomed!





How to stay cool under pressure – Dom (Fast and the Furious 4)

Hey guys! Sorry for the delay in getting a new post up. The last few days have been a whirlwind of of events. So, I just got back from a job interview yesterday and sadly never got it.
However, the pressure at the interview, got me thinking about how Alpha Males handle pressure and this post was born!


Character: Dominic ‘Dom’ Toretto
From: The Fast and the Furious Movies
Actor: Vin Diesel


What’s it all about?

After tricking his way into a drugs courier job for the film’s ‘bad guy’, Dom confronts the guy that he suspects of killing his girlfriend. Dom suspects that the ‘bad guys’ will try and kill him and the other drivers anyway after the job, so he plans an ‘explosive’ distraction to get the upper hand!


OK, so what should I be looking out for?
  • Watch Dom’s eyes – he uses strong eye contact, even as the guy threatens him. He asks direct questions and does not sugar coating anything. Dom locks eyes with Fenix (never taking them off him) and it’s almost as if Dom is challenging him to lie to him.
  • Fenix admits to killing Letty but notice that Dom remains calm. He stays in control of himself even with the emotions raging through him. Dom has crafted his plan and knows when to strike, he knows the perfect moment to act. Like an Alpha Male, Dom waits for the most opportune moment to strike.
  • It’s apparent from the conversation that Dom is an Alpha, whereas Fenix is trying to be one. Throughout the film, Dom is seeking retribution for Letty. He has his end goal and he never wavers, unlike Fenix, who you suspect would work for the highest bidder. Dom has his morals and end goals and stays true to them throughout.
  • Listen to the difference in the vocal tonality they both use. Dom’s voice stays the same throughout. Fenix is more beta, it seems like he is trying to scare Dom with his sinister whispers … big mistake!
  • Dom is in great shape and has supreme confidence in himself. Watch how he constantly looks for Fenix and goes for him regardless of the dangers, Dom deals with obstacles as they come to him. He has laser focus on his goal. In a way though, you could say that it is a beta behaviour of Dom – he is reacting rather than being proactive.
  • At the end, Dom realises that his plan isn’t going to work so he is willing to adapt. He is not pig-headed like a beta male is and is willing to change his plan to suit, in this case, escape with Brian.
  • C’mon! Dom gets shot and simply walks over to the henchmen and starts beating on him!


How do I do this for myself then?
  •  Put yourself into pressurised situations. In other words, get out of your comfort zone. Push yourself to do the things that your scared of. You can’t learn to stay cool under pressure if you are not experiencing pressure. So, approach the hot girls, again and again! Learn to love the pressure and embrace it.
  • Have a plan, a end goal in mind. Alpha Males know what they want to achieve and go full throttle for it. They realise that their plan may not always work out but they aim for their goal throughout and adapt as they go. Pick a goal that you want in your life and go hell bent to achieve it.
  • Start slow if you need to. Stand up for yourself against a bad colleague or poor service in a shop. Watch your breathing (use long, deep breaths), try to stick to looking in the other persons eyes (see this for help) and build up the level of pressure you put yourself under.
  • Take improvisation or debate classes etc. These sort of classes teach you to think on your feet and respond quickly, to have faith in your answers and your own viewpoint.
  • Go out and try to be rejected. Say exactly what you want, look to self amuse as you interact with people. You will soon learn that rejection means nothing. So what if a girl rejects you! It means nothing! All rejection is, is a learning experience – it shows you that you can step up, feel the pressure and do what you want to do. It shows you what doesn’t work and what does (you’d be surprised what some girls go for!). Love rejection. It gets you better and by getting better, you get laid more!


So what do you think? Is Dom a good example? Would you like to be like him? Let me know what you think in the comments below.


The definition of cool and how it helps you to get girls

The W’s

Who: Alex Treasure interviewing Timothy Marc (both current RSD Nation stars)

Topic: In this awesome video they discuss, what is the definition of cool and how it helps you get girls! A must watch video for all guys wanting to get better with women!

Why use this?: Alex has very kindly allowed me to use his videos on my site and I have to admit, I learnt a lot from it. In particular, thinking about your mentality using the basketball theory, is mind-blowing for me – you’ll have to watch to see what I mean! At the end of the post, there are external links to Alex and Tim’s websites and Youtube accounts. I’d recommend checking them out at your earliest convenience!!

Having met Alex at a RSD Free event, I can say he is the real deal. He made some amazing life-altering changes to his life. He used to do the same types of things that I was doing at the time: drinking, obsessing about girls, doing the same type of dating experiences and expecting things to be different (as Albert Einstein says – the definition of insanity!). He literally changed my life back then and I’d recommend checking out his material ASAP!

Tim, is one of those people – you just can’t not like him. He is full of energy, gives great tips and insights to help you change your life and now he is helping people build Freedom Businesses, that will give you a steady income that you can run from anywhere in the world! I’ve spoken to Tim a lot over the last few years and he is a great guy. He’s always willing to help and get you the life of your dreams!


Let’s get to the Videos!







External Links

If you want to see more of Alex, you can find him at his fantastic website Alex Attitude  and subscribe to Alex’s Youtube.

To see more of Tim, visit his Freedom Business blog and subscribe to Tim’s Youtube.


Brilliant interview wasn’t it! Let me know what you thought of it in the Comments section below!

How to test if a girl is worth your time – Thomas Crown (Pierce Brosnan)


Character: Thomas Crown
Played by: Pierce Brosnan
From: The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)
Type: With Women


What is this clip about?

Crown is on a date with Catherine Banning (who is played by the hot Rene Russo), who is a Insurance Investigator sent to investigate the theft of a painting (organised by Crown – to give himself a challenge) and assist the Police in the recovery of the painting. Banning suspects Crown of the crime but also is intrigued by him. She agrees to go to dinner with him, where Crown and Banning play a game of verbal Cat and Mouse as the Police listen in.


So why should I watch it?
  • In the film, Crown is a hugely successful businessman, with money and power. However he is bored and in need of a challenge. He knows that Banning suspects him of the theft and is working with the Police to prove it was him but he goes to dinner with her anyway. He is looking for a ‘worthy adversary’ and wants to see how she fits into his desires and if she is the challenge he wants.
  • He seems one step ahead of everyone. He changes where to go to dinner at the last minute to throw the Police. He recognises the Policeman tailing him, simply making a joke about it and not letting it phase him. He is aware of his surroundings throughout and never forgets exactly what is happening. He never gets so into her, that he forgets about the Police and the chance he may be arrested, yet he gets her to fall for him.
  • Watch how Crown conducts himself throughout the dinner. He dresses immaculately, to give himself inner confidence. He maintains eye contact throughout, he sits upright and with open body language. He leans in to build the tension further as the flirting gets stronger – he isn’t scared to ‘invade’ her personal space, he is going after what he wants.
  • Listen to the types of things they talk about. Crown asks her personal questions, he reads her using what he has decided about her. He isn’t afraid to ask her direct, personal questions, nor is he afraid to answer them. I love how Crown asks exactly what he thinks. Note how Crown maintains the eye contact, despite some of the questions may scare others to get defensive etc (e.g. his potential arrest).
  • Crown leads her through the conversation. He researches her a bit beforehand and orders the drinks for her. He leads the conversation, changing it back to her when he wants to and dictates where the conversation goes next. Crown isn’t afraid to lead – something women want in a guy.


OK, how can I be like that?
  • First off, take the girl you’re dating off the pedestal you put her on. She is not special. She may be hot but she is not special or unique. There are literally millions of girls out there to choose from. Never get serious with a girl until you have at least slept with her once. She will become special as you see how she fits into your life – some will, some won’t. Those that do will be amazing!
  • Screen girls. YOU are the chooser, not her. Flip the frame on traditional dating – make her work to attract you. Build a life that makes you happy and you are proud of. From now on, make a commitment to screen the girls you met, see if they offer enough value to be added to your life. Few will but the ones that do, will be worth the time spent screening.
  • Remain focused on your goal in life at all times. It is OK to focus on what you are doing (for Crown, it was a date with a hot girl) but never loose sight of the bigger picture (for Crown it was to have fun, to find a challenge in life). Stay focused on your goal as it gives your life meaning. Always remember to stay aware of your surroundings. Don’t get obcessed with her – let her work for your attention. Remember that there are always other girls that can replace her if needed.
  • Say what you think, don’t hold back and be willing to invade her personal space. Lead the conversation and experience with her. She wants you to lead. She wants you to be the dominant one in the relationship. Keep the fluffer talk for the beta males, you don’t need to suck up to her, shower her in compliments or any of that jazz. Say and do as you want – watch her reactions. Is she fun enough and cool enough to be part of your fun and active lifestyle?
  • Push yourself into situations where you are put under pressure. For example, approach girls that are better looking than you normally go for. This way, you are going to get used to higher degrees of pressure than you normally would be – your comfort zone will be expanded and you will be more confident. Use this confidence to go after what you desire.
  • Start being selfish. Forget about how others may see you. Live your life solely for you. Do things that make you happy and excited. Be like Crown, be self-amusing and enjoy life. Push things to the limit and see where you can go. Make her work to be part of your life, not the other way around.


So what do you think? Is Thomas Crown a good example of screening a girl? Let me know what you think in the comments section below.

How to sell to another person – Vin Diesel (Boiler Room)

Character: Chris Varick
Played by: Vin Diesel
Type: O.C.S

What is this clip about?

In this clip, Varick is demonstrating the perfect sales call to the other Brokers. However, if you look deeper, you realise it is a good example of an Alpha Male demonstrating his confidence and belief in himself as well as the ability to remain calm under pressure when surrounded by power-hungry colleagues. Kind of makes the pressure you feel when approaching a girl at the bar, feel silly now doesn’t it! In this clip, Varick is selling stock to a potential client, however you can use this same style of approach when selling your idea to someone or getting a girl to buy into the idea of having sex with you!


What does he do that I should take note of?
  • The strong dominant stance with open body language that Varick uses throughout the call.
  • He uses a slow, deep, masculine tonality throughout the call. He talks with passion and emotion as he builds the excitiment in the doctor as he talks.
  • He dresses as well as possible. The suit and the personal grooming give Varick confidence in himself. He knows he looks good, so he feels good. As he feels good, he acts positively
  • He has supreme confidence in his selling ability, he has made many sales calls before and has therefore built up success reference points – he knows that he is capable of success as he has done this before and internalised the feelings and actions needed. Varick has made successful selling part of his personality by repetition of the action. Therefore, he can source confidence from within himself rather than looking for external validation from his peers (always dangerous as it can be taken away at any time).
  • Listen to what Varick says to the doctor – listen how he uses emotional words to entice the doctor and uses the illussion that the doctor may miss out on something to get the doctor to buy the shares (people fear missing out on something more than spending money). The doctor is a great example of a Beta male being led by a Alpha Male.
  • Varick is proactive rather than reactive, where the doctor is very much reactive. Varick plants seeds of doubt in the doctors mind, he makes him fear missing out on a deal of a lifetime but Varick also knows when to stop talking. He knows when to push and pull the doctor depending on the feedback he is getting from the customer. There is little doubt that Varick can smooth talk the girls just as easy as he does with the doctor.
  • Notice how Varick leads the conversation throughout the call. He doesn’t suck up to the doctor or even thank him for buying the shares. Varick shows supreme confidence throughout (notice how he showboats to the other traders) he builds excitment in the doctor and the group. Varick builds a relationship in the call, he offers value, never taking it from the doctor. Varick doesn’t need to plead or persuade the doctor, he has him eating out of his hand.
  • Varick doesn’t use general, dull sales patter. He knows that he needs to sell the idea and benefits of why the doctor should buy the shares. Varick knows, like PUA’s, that people don’t ‘buy’ into sleeping with you/buying from you if you are logical. You need to be emotional. You need to build excitement and attraction in that person and let the person be controlled by their emotions. People will say that they have a particular type of person they fancy when you ask them away from the ‘rutting environment’, yet when they are working from a emotional level, in that club scene, any guy can make them the type of guy she wants by the emotions they create in her.
  • Notice the ease that Varick is with being the centre of attention. The other guys act so beta towards him. He has practised in this environment repeatedly, so this sort of work has become part of his identity, it is a natural part of him to embrace the pressure.


OK then, how can I do that sort of thing too?
  • Practice. You can imagine that Varick has spent hours practising his selling speel on the phone. He would have been blown out countless times but kept slugging away trying to find the right approach to sell consistently. Repetition gets consistency. You need to do the same. You need to practice again and again and even be happy if you get blown out. There is no rejection – just a learning experience showing you what doesn’t work. Take what does work, cut out the stuff that doesn’t and then practice … again and again. You will learn to be confident etc through repetition until the actions become part of your personality.
  • Put yourself into pressurised situations as often as possible. You can’t really know how you will react or i you have trained enough without getting into high pressure situations, be it a approach to a hot girl or a business meeting. Embrace every pressure event as a opportunity to get used to the emotions and feelings that such events inspire – learn how they feel, accept them as normal, notice how they won’t kill you and then look to experience them again … And again! As you experience these kinds of feelings more and more, your brain and emotions will become number to them and eventually after some practice, they will no longer phase you. Never look at these as negative events – instead look at them as a opportunity to push past your comfort zone, develop your personality and ability to handle stress better.
  • Use every social interaction as practice for ‘selling’. Sell yourself, sell your idea, at least sell the person/group the experience of you. Work on using social encounters as practice for giving value to others, for building up emotions in the other person, make it a mision to ensure the other person enjoys spending the time with you, no other outcome – this does not mean that you should be a clown joker, that is try hard and is not attractive to girls.
  • Dress to impress … yourself. Dress and groom yourself in a way that makes you feel good. Never try and impress others as you will fall into the trap of trying to appeal to others and relying on your confidence from external validation – if they take it away then your screwed! Instead, dress in ways that gives you confidence, look after yourself – hit the gym, read good books, eat hood food, sleep right. By working on your appearance and how you feel internally, you will feel confident and that confidence will come from within yourself – no one can ever take that from you.
  • Work on your body language, ensure you stand proud and erect, look people in the eyes, use open body language to entice people to speak to you. Negative body language includes crossing the arms, looking down when talking to people, fidgeting etc. When you talk, talk slow and deep (but be natural).
So what do you think? Is Chris Varick a good character to copy to learn how to sell? Let me know in the comments.

How to be the Centre of Attention – Criss Angel (Mindfreak)


Character: Criss Angel
From: Mindfreak TV Show
Type: O.C.S


What is this  clip about?

I found this clip whiles searching online and I think it is a great example of the Alpha Male (of this group), being a leader, maintaining the attention of the group and showing high value. I wanted to share it with you as I think it gives a good example of the sort of thing that you should be aiming for in becoming more Alpha in your daily life. In the clip, Criss Angel – a very talented magician – is viewing a friends painting and decided to make parts of it come alive. Enjoy!


Why should I care?
  • Angel is a good example of someone who uses his passion to draw people to focus in on him. He has a love for magic and loves to shock and amaze people – people just get drawn into the emotional quality of his tricks. Watch how the crowd are in awe of him. He loves to build the emotional experience in the crowd to fever pitch and doesn’t react to them like a beta male would, Angel commands and leads throughout.
  • Angel dresses the same as his friends (and most of his crew) yet he cultivates an image and acts in a certain way so that there is no doubt who the top dog is in the group. Notice how comfortable Angel is in being in control and being the centre of attention (yes, it is his show but he gives a great example to aim for in this clip).
  • Angel interacts with the group, he brings them into the experience. As a magician, this is obviously part of the act, but it is something you should remember when interacting with a group – whatever emotions you feel, the group will feel. So if you want the groups (read: the hot girls) to be excited and happy, you need to be excited and happy too! Be the emotion that you want the group to have. Also by bringing her/them into the experience you are making her feel involved and using social proof to your advantage. People love to be involved with the cool and happy people and being the centre of attention in a venue, use this to your advantage and be that type of person!
  • Watch how the painter and the other males in the crows (read: beta males) make Angel look even hotter to the girls by concentrating on him and showing beta behaviours. Yes, I know it’s a magic trick and Angel is meant to be the centre of attention but look out for this in group situations – beta males will actually ‘promote’ the alpha male by demonstrating weak behaviours and fawning/being submissive to the Alpha Male. Group dynamics are amazing to analyse! Be more aware when with people about people are acting when together, look for different behaviours than they normally demonstrate on their own, who is leading the group and so on.
  • The dude pulls a martini glass and cash out of a painting – pretty cool to watch man!


OK I like it. How can I be like this dude?
  • Find a passion for your life. You don’t need to learn magic tricks to do in a bar to attract girls (you can find PUA’s who offer to teach this sort of thing – don’t even get me started on that!!). You need to have something in your life that you are passionate about though. When you are passionate talking about something, you will be very emotional and confident, you will talk with an infectiousness tone and manner that will draw people in. It doesn’t matter what the topic is but if you find it interesting, girls will too. For example, my family have sheep they keep as a hobby after inheriting them. I have discussed the lambing season with girls and took her home – might say more about the girl though!
  • Practise leading. Girls have a biological want and need to be lead and a willingness to be submissive. Girls want to be lead by a man – its a biological thing. Girls want a guy to follow, protect and lead them, like in the cavemen – use this. Lead a girl through a interaction, tell her to come and get a drink with you, lead her through the venue, bring her to a more secluded area to escalate in and so on. Be the guy who tells her to come home with you, be the dominant person in bed. Don’t look for signs of attraction, assume she is attracted to you and wants to go home with you. Your job is simply to show her you are a confident leader and a dominan. Job done!
  • Use every opportunity as a chance to work on your social and group skills. Work on your ability to talk to groups so you are comfortable interacting in large numbers, work on things such as how you stand, how you talk, the tonality of your voice. Consider yourself on stage when you are interacting with people, imagine that you are the focus of the group and you need to lead them and build attraction in them. Work on commanding the group and leading the event.
  • Do things that give you confidence. Go to the gym, find a hobby you are passionate about, find a good group of friends that motivate you, read good books and eat good food and so on. Use this confidence to step outside of your comfort zone and believe in yourself. Forget about how others see you and what they might think of you. Accept your new role as a leader. Accept the pressure of being the attention in a group. Stop hiding away and revel in the attention leading others brings (especially from girls!). From this day on, you are no longer going to hide in the shadows, bask in the light of the centre!


So what do you think of Criss angel? Is he a good example of someone that you should be aiming to copy? Let me know what you think in the comments section below.

Have Rules for your Life – Leroy Jethro Gibbs (NCIS


Character: Leroy Jethro Gibbs (guy with grey hair)
From: NCIS
Type:  Action Star


What is this  clip about?

In this clip, we see Gibbs’s rules for how to handle investigations and in general terms, life too. The video has been amended by the uploader to show the rules as captions (they are not all mentioned though), which can be annoying at first but it really hits home the message. ‘Gibbs’s Rules’ has become a central theme throughout NCIS. Gibbs is shown to be the boss and ‘father figure’ to his team and especially his Second-in-Command Very Special Agent Tony DiNozzo. When one of the team doesn’t know what to do, is troubled by something or has done something wrong, one of ‘Gibbs’s Rules’ is used to get the character back onto the right path. On a personal note, I have become a big fan of this show – it is on at my parents house a lot (my mother has a thing for Gibbs!). Gibbs to me is a real Alpha Male (he does have some bad faults though) but he is someone to aspire to be like – check out the show.


Why should I care?
  • Gibbs’s team look at him for what they should do, he is their guidance and support. By having clear and defined values about how you live your life, you can be someone for others to look up to, like Gibbs.
  • Gibbs is able to go after what he wants (typically to focus in on finding the murderer) because he has set rules about how he does things. By setting out what is and what isn’t acceptable in your life, you will find that you have better focus on what you want and be generally more successful as you will focus your energy on the thing that are most important.
  • Gibbs is respected by his peers, even by those who don’t like him. People respect him as he stands up for what he believes in and never wavers in his beliefs simply to appeal to someone else. Gibbs is true to his intentions and values, a defining characteristic of a Alpha Male.
  • Women find Gibbs attractive in the show as he adheres religiously to his rules. He cannot be swayed by money, power or a pretty girl (Gibb has a thing for redheads!). Gibbs is congruent to his own beliefs and core values, he changes for no-one – something that is very attractive to a girl. 1
  • Gibbs is a former Marine. Look at how tall and erect he is, his stance oozes authority and complete confidence in himself. He has great body language. He uses deep masculine tone, looks people in the eye. He only talks when he needs to. Gibbs is a great example of an Alpha Male.


OK I like it. How can I be like this dude?
  • Spend some time working out what you want from life. Decide on the behaviours that you will no longer find acceptable. Decide what you want to achieve in life, decide on the sort of people you want to be friends with and so forth. Basically, you need to setup values of what you will and won’t accept now in life. Then you must live your life adhering to your rules. It doesn’t matter what your rules are, if something is important to you, then it can be a rule. Don’t live by someone else’s rules.
  • Be vocal with what you belief. Don’t yammer on though like a preacher (an Alpha Male only talks when he has something important to say – no filler talk like a Beta male would use). Complain if someone does something that you don’t agree with. Stand up for yourself. Tell people what you stand for. You will find people accept what you say and the majority will not challenge you on your beliefs and accept them (for example, I’m sure you know someone who comes on nights out but never drinks alcohol – notice how no-one tries and forces him to drink alcohol. People accept his choices).
  • Start small if necessary. Make a stand once and you will find that it will give you confidence, you can use this confidence feeling to propel you to do it the next time and so on. The first time will seem the hardest. It seems hard simply because you are learning a new behaviour and like everything, there is a learning curve. Keep at it and your brain will accept it as your standard thinking. Standing up for what you believe in again and again, will create a momentum of confidence and you staying true to what you want. Eventually, your brain will adjust to these actions and beliefs and accept these as standard (yes, I know, a mighty simplification of how it works!).
  • Get good friends. There is an old saying that ‘You are the average of the five people you most hang around with‘ and it’s true. In the show Gibbs has a strong team (who will follow him if he goes against orders, regardless of what the Directors say), women who know what he will accept and won’t and friends who understand him and accept him for his beliefs and actions. Making a change in your life is hard, especially if you don’t have supportive friends/family behind your new life choices. Bad friends can be like crabs in a bucket – when one sees another about to escape the bucket, they pull it back in. Bad friends are like crabs (the seafood and that type too!), if they see you changing for the better, they will get scared and try to pull you back to their level. A lot of people don’t want to change – they need to make the decision to change. However, they don’t want others to change and will feel threatened by you wanting to better yourself. Take stock of who you hang around with. If they are not supportive, you should consider making new mates or going to new places. to surround yourself with a better class of person. Aim to surround yourself with people who are on the level you aspire to be. As the saying goes ‘if you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.’ Try to maintain friends that make you want to better yourself and ‘level up’ to the same as them. Good friends will be there to congratulate you on your successes, analysis the failures with you and be your Wingman when you need it!


So what do you think? Is Gibbs an Alpha Male? Do you think and Alpha Male needs defined rules for how he runs his life? Let me know what you think in the comments section below.

AME Advice: Use a mentor (Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins)

Apologies for the delay in getting some new content up. The last week has been pretty hectic but I have organised some major dating stars willing to be interviewed. I aim to have them up on the site shortly!

In the meantime, I want to answer this question I received as it seems to be quite a common email that I recieve. Matt, I hope this answers your question!


Character: Bruce Wayne
From: Batman Begins
Type: Action Stars


Today, I got a quick question from a reader, asking how he could make the sort of changes I have been writing about on the front page. In his question, he mentions that he is struggling to change as he can’t motivate himself to keep the changes and he runs back to beta behaviour as soon as he gets a setback. He asked me for some quick advice on what he can do to help along the situation.


What do I recommend then?

Find a mentor. There’s no denying that becoming alpha can be a hard slog, depending on where you are starting from. However, there are ways that we can cut some of the learning curve. By finding a mentor you can avoid a lot of the pitfalls, the normal Beta male would fall into.

First off, watch these videos. They show a great example of how mentors can benefit and change people’s lives. OK, but why use Batman? Batman is a great choice because he has two different mentors depending on which side of him, you look at: Batman or Bruce Wayne. For Bruce Wayne, he has Alfred, for Batman, he had Ra’s al Ghul and eventually it became Alfred for both. Both taught different styles of thinking and looking at the world, which helps shape Bruce Wayne throughout the film and become the man he needs to be.


What is a mentor?

OK, so those videos should show you how a mentor can help the development of someone … BUT what IS a mentor – how do I know what to look for? A mentor is someone that

  • Is of a skill level and regularly has the sort of experiences that you want to have. They are a person who will teach you to become like them by helping you eliminate weaknesses and develop your strengths, helping you get real life experience too
  • Teaches you skills and allows you to experience events that change and develop your life and self-value
  • Pushes you out of your comfort zone, to keep learning and developing
  • Is there for you with support and compassion when needed. He isn’t afraid to push you hard when needed though. He will listen to your troubles and offer advice where needed but isn’t afraid to give tough-love if needed
  • He should not just talk – he should be in a situation you aspire to be in too. Too many people have opinions on everything but have never actually done the thing in real life and thus their opinions hold no merit. Your mentor should have actual experience in whatever it is you are seeking to do too
  • There is no age limit for mentors. They tend to be older than you simply because they have normally experienced more as they have lived/worked on the area for longer than you but mentors can be young, old, disabled, gay, straight etc etc. Never discriminate as you never know how someone can change your life!
  • A mentor will teach you that failure is OK, if you learn from it and use the knowledge to get better in your chosen quest. He will lead you to situations where you may fail but he will show you how you can always learn something, no matter how bad you fail
How to find a mentor?

To find a mentor, you first need to understand what it is that you want. Understanding is the first step to getting what you want. To figure that out, write down your ideal life. Write out exactly what you want from life. Be specific. Write down what you want to look like, feel like, act like, behave like. Write out as much detail as possible.

Once you have this detailed notes, look at people that you want to become like. Use your notes to find these people. Google search for them, check out website blogs, ask people who they recommend and so on. Find people who have this sort of lifestyle that you want for yourself. Look for evidence that they do though – pictures of them doing it regularly (typically on Facebook or if you see them out in Bars etc) make sure they can do the skills that you want to have.

Once you have a short list of people that you want to learn from,contact them and say that you admire them. Explain that you hope one day to become like them and why you admire them. On the first contact, keep it short and sweet (e.g. 3-5 line email). Never ask for anything straight away as it makes your comments seem hollow if you try and ask for something in return.

Ask them if you can help them in anyway. Comment on their blog posts, or help them with a project. Build a friendship with the potential mentor. Ask them about their day, what hassles they have, if you can help in anyway. Be genuine and authentic. I have found some mentors by simply commenting on how I loved some of their blog articles. You never know what can happen. Genuine feelings can lead to familiarity, which can lead to mentoring which can lead to friendship.

You will typically find that conversations naturally lead to your own development after a while and that people are willing to help you. I always advise helping the other person as much as possible as a priority anyway as it feels great and if a mentor style relationship develops, it is a bonus. Never try to trick people so you can ask for something in return. People hate to feel used.

You can have a mentor for pretty much anything these days. Think outside the box. For example, if you need help with dating, find a guy who gets regular action with ladies but also started in similr situations to you. Look for those who have similar back stories to you. Ignore the guy who has always been good with women and instead, look for the guys who have become really successful with women by being rejected a lot and failing badly. These guys will have dragged themselves up, learnt from the rejection, honed their skills and became better men than the guys who find it easier (easy never = through learning in my experience). Pain is a great teacher – use it to your advantage.

I hope I have shown you the benefits of finding a mentor Matt. Take your time finding the best mentors you can as they can greatly reduce your learning curve and push you out of your comfort zone and into sitautions that may be life-changing. In other words, a mentor will keep pushing you to excel. He will stop you from falling back into old habits. He will hold you accountable for your progress and development, He will be as pushy, helpful, considerate, motivational etc as it needs to help you achieve your goals. Plus, you won’t want to fail as you will be letting don someone else who is investing time in you. We can rationalise failing ourselves, but we hate to fail others – it may just be what you need to make that nevxt level of development you are seeking. Go for it and let me know how you get on!