THE BASICS
Today’s guest is former FBI Negotiator Chris Voss. He has over 24 years of FBI experience and was the former FBI Lead International Kidnapping Negotiator. He is also author of the amazing negotiation best-seller, `Never Split The Difference’.
In this interview we discuss his story, negotiation, communication methods and what is said vs what can be understood, red flags to watch out for, how to bond with those you communicate with, how to negotiate more effectively and so much more. I learnt so much about communication from this interview and this is only about 10% of the gems in his book, so I would suggest you get a copy today.
Now let’s get to the interview!
LISTEN HERE
WHAT WE COVER
- Who he is
- How did his childhood affect his future career choice
- Are there universal rules to negotiating that he has found
- Employees – People skills vs knowledge of the system
- What starting tasks does he do with a client to improve their negotiating
- How can we utilise tactical empathy to succeed
- How can you switch off your cognitive bias that is holding us back and setting off negativity before it is merited
- The curiosity mindset
- How can we control emotions when negotiating?
- Are there key points to look out for when communicating with someone?
- The true power of silence
- How do we adapt negotiations when dealing with a person or a group
- Why is negotiating not taught in schools
- The skill of mirroring and how it is one of the main techniques used
- What to listen out for when speaking to someone during a call
- How can we be more effective when needing to be confrontational
- What concepts does he want people to remember?
- How does the actions of people when using negotiation skills tell you?
SOME THINGS TO REFLECT ON
- Chris always looks for a way to improve things – what could you analyse and improve on in your life right now? Just because something has been done that way for a prolonged period, sometimes years, doesn’t mean it needs to stay that way. Look at all aspects, consider what works, what could be more effective, run smoother, link together etc.
- How does the language you use affect the people you are communicating with? We are all wired the same but we bring in too many surface level worries and instead forget, all humans like to be heard – remember that as you communicate and your success level will improve
- Work to improve on your skills in the low-stakes conversations like cashiers, Uber drivers etc
- Avoid pitching gains, instead focus on disarming problems
- The language we use to talk to ourselves inside our head can defeat you before you have even tried. How can you change the language you use to negotiate your way to success?
- Not all emotions are bad, negative emotions are what you want to eliminate. Negative emotions constrict your thinking. Every thought is emotional in some way or not.
- There are red flags to look out during a conversation such as overuse of personal pronouns, or discussing win/win returns from the start before the negotiation has really began, red flags that you can look out for and use as warning signs about the person you are speaking to.
- The best indicator of behaviour is past behaviour.
- Using a smile is a very easy method to show confidence and more secure with their communication.
- You have leverage until you step out of the door. Focus on the more important aspects rather than a modern day keyword people like to use.
- Trial hearing the other side out first, completely and honestly, during the next few weeks of your negotiations with in low-impact conversations.
- There is a massive difference between listening to the other side to see what their motivations are, compared to empathising with them. You do not need to agree with their side, to listen fully and openly and you may learn so much from doing it.
- It is not a sin to not get the deal but it is a sin to waste a lot of time and not get the deal. Reading Chris’s book will teach you how to see the deals that will not be successful and remove yourself before your waste time, resources and energy on something that will go nowhere.
LINKS YOU WILL NEED TO CONNECT WITH THE GUEST
- His website can be found here
- Buy a copy of his amazing book here
- His newsletter signup can be found on the link above or you can signup via text (US only) by texing with the word ‘FBIEmpathy’
- His blog is available here
- He can be found on Facebook here
- He can be found on Instagram here
- He can be found on Twitter here
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