The Adopted Kid Who Built His Own Tribe | Chris Burns

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TODAY's GUEST IS ... CHRIS 'BONES' BURNS

“It’s less about what goal can I conquer and it’s more about what makes me feel right in being alive.”

This conversation starts with jiu-jitsu but quickly moves into much bigger territory. Chris and I talk about adoption, belonging, depression, fatherhood, purpose, service, and what it means to build a life that feels meaningful rather than merely successful. If you’ve ever felt like an outsider or wondered what actually makes life worth living, there’s a lot here to think about.

Chris ‘Bones’ Burns is a Rickson Gracie black belt, educator and founder of Academy Jiu-Jitsu in Sydney. Known for his obsession with fundamentals and his refreshingly honest take on life, Chris helps people think more deeply about self-defence, purpose, belonging and becoming more fully themselves.

Most people will look at Chris Burns and see a jiu-jitsu black belt. What they might miss is the deeper question that has driven much of his life: what actually makes being alive feel worthwhile? In a world obsessed with status, followers, achievement and constant optimisation, Chris offers a different perspective. One built around belonging, service, presence, family and finding the things that make you feel right in yourself. This conversation explores what happens when you stop chasing what looks impressive and start paying attention to what feels meaningful. The answer may be simpler than most of us expect.

  • This episode is for you if you’ve achieved things in life but still feel like something important is missing.

  • This episode is for you if you’re tired of chasing what looks impressive and want to figure out what actually matters to you.

  • This episode is for you if you’ve ever struggled to feel like you belong, even when you’re surrounded by other people.

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🔗 Key Links 

Read the transcripts here: 

🎯 Challenge 

Take ten quiet minutes and ask yourself one question:

“What makes me feel right in being alive?”

Not what impresses other people. Not what looks successful on social media. Write down three moments from the last year when you felt genuinely alive, present or fulfilled, then find a way to create one of those moments again this week. Meaning often leaves clues—we just don’t stop long enough to notice them.

KEY POINTS, Links & Actions

WHAT WE COVER

  • Why following your bliss has more to do with meaning than achievement.

  • Growing up feeling like an outsider and building a place to belong.

  • How service, teaching and helping others became a path out of depression.

  • The difference between chasing techniques and mastering the fundamentals.

  • Fatherhood, happiness and what really matters as life moves on.

🔑 Key Takeaways 

1. Following your bliss isn’t about chasing happiness.

Most people think bliss is a destination. Chris describes it as paying attention to the things that make being alive feel right. Sometimes that’s a major goal. Sometimes it’s reading a book, sitting by the ocean, or burying treasure in the garden with your son.

2. The fundamentals matter more than the flashy stuff.

Whether it’s jiu-jitsu, self-defence or life itself, people often chase complexity before they understand the basics. The people who last are usually the ones who master the foundations before looking for shortcuts.

3. Helping others can give suffering a purpose.

Chris spoke openly about depression and periods where he wanted to suffer. What slowly changed things wasn’t achievement or recognition—it was realising that helping another person made him feel useful, connected and needed.

4. Learning to like yourself is ongoing work.

There isn’t a magic point where self-doubt disappears forever. Some days you still have to look in the mirror and remind yourself you’re doing okay. Growth isn’t reaching a final destination; it’s continuing the conversation with yourself in a healthier way.

5. A meaningful life is often far simpler than we imagine.

Success, followers and status can all disappear. The things Chris repeatedly came back to were family, community, purpose, creativity, the ocean, good conversations and being present for the people he loves. Those are the things that remain when everything else is stripped away.

 

NLG REFLECTION

What makes Chris Burns a Next Level Guy: He doesn’t try to fit in. He lives life exactly on his own terms — unapologetic, unbothered by what men are supposed to look like, sound like, or stand for. When BJJ tribalism came for him, he didn’t rise to it. He just kept being himself. That’s rarer than it sounds.

We as men spend years hunting for money, power, success, anything external to cling to, to justify our worth. Chris is living life as he wants, not letting his past hold him back. If you are truthful to yourself, are you living your life as you truly want, or to fit in? 

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About the Author
I host The Next Level Guy Podcast — conversations focused on helping men build themselves physically, mentally, socially, and professionally through real-world experience, discipline, and honest self-development. The show was built for ordinary men trying to improve their lives without the fake guru nonsense, empty motivation, or polished perfection. Every episode focuses on practical lessons, hard-earned perspective, and actionable tools that can actually be applied in real life. My own journey has included struggles with confidence, focus, mental health, and feeling stuck — which is why I care more about lived experience than theory. I’m not interested in pretending to have all the answers. I’m interested in learning from people who’ve genuinely done the work, testing those lessons in my own life, and sharing what actually helps. If you’re trying to become stronger, calmer, more capable, and more intentional in how you live, you’re in the right place.

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